Does the mother have to let the father of the child see the baby if he hasn't contributed financially and refuses to give his information concerning child support?

Jes - posted on 02/24/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




My partner recently had a baby. We had been together for a month after she found out, she had gotten pregnant by her ex-boyfriend. I am head over heels for her, which I know has nothing to do with this but is why I chose to stick around. I have been supportive from the very beginning. I've helped financially, I've helped with moral support and even encouraged a relationship between her and the father. The baby's father, however, has done nothing financially and only caused a lot of stress during the pregnancy. He has threatened to take her to court several times but hasn't yet. So after the baby was born, my partner agreed to let him see the baby even though he failed to attend the OBGYN appointments or do anything but argue with her. At the hospital, he was very apologetic and begged her not to file for child support. They agreed on times he could see the baby and an amount he could pay. He agreed to all these things at first and then did a 180. He decided that the days he could see her wasn't enough and that he had agreed to help pay too much. Now he refuses to give her information to finish child support papers. I know that the papers can be submitted and they will track him down - but one of the things they consider on his part in court is if he fails to pay child support. Thus far he has paid nothing. He has threatened my partner and myself many times and has said very hurtful things to us both. Is there anything we can do? We think this will go to court so we are trying to prepare but at the point my partner does not want to see him at all. We have arranged to meet him in a local place every Sunday until things are sorted out. Is that enough or do we need to bend over backwards so the court knows we tried? Even though we've done everything we can up until now?

In desperate need of some help but if you're against same-sex couples, please do not fill this up with hate messages. That isn't what this is about.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/24/2014




What do the court ordered visitation papers say? If no one is in possession of court orders, a DNA test needs to be completed, and a visit to family court is necessary in order to make sure that everyone gets fair treatment.

Child support and visitation/custody are handled separately. Payment is not contingent upon visitation, nor is visitation contingent on payment, but each parent has the same legal right to have a relationship with the child, no matter how much of an ass the ex was.

The only time 'failure' to pay support would count against him would be if it were court ordered in the first place. Since neither of them even had the agreement witnessed and notarized, he can say that there WAS no agreement to begin with.


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Michelle - posted on 02/24/2014




Child support and visitation are 2 separate issues. The baby isn't a commodity to be traded and the Father has every right to see his child.
If your partner stops him seeing his child because he isn't paying anything then that will go against her in court.
He's probably hurting that she has moved on with a woman pretty much as soon as they split up. Maybe he's feeling that he was just used for her to have a baby. Sometimes stepping back and looking at the situation from outside brings more light onto someones actions.
I would suggest that she file the papers as is and get court orders in place for visitation. That way if he doesn't agree with what she is offering now then he can try and get more.

Jes - posted on 02/24/2014




Thanks for commenting! I think so too, but he seems to think once a week isn't enough and I agree. I wouldn't want to be away from my child that long either but if I didn't do anything to help, I wouldn't expect much.
With your situation, I would say its a two-way street. Every little thing helps, I hope things get better!

Liz - posted on 02/24/2014




I think it would be commendable to allow the father to see the child. You might want to wait until the child is a little older to have his/her first meeting.
I am having trouble the same way except I am a Mother that never contributed and need to know how to meet with the child. Any suggestions for me, now that the child is an adult?

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