Does your husband's relationship with the kids affect your feelings for him?

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Lately (and over the years) the fact that my husband doesn't really try to build relationships with our kids has really affected my feelings for him. I'm constantly wishing that he would spend more time with them for their sakes and his. He just doesn't seem to see the importance of spending quality time with them. Having to witness the relationship he has with our daughter breaks my heart. It seems like almost any time he says something to her it's negative or said in an angry tone. He rarely has a normal conversation with her (she's 13). And then there's our 5 year old son...healthy, active, needs lots of attention and teaching. Why does it seem to be mostly up to me to make sure that he's physically and mentally stimulated through playtime and learning? I've been really busy lately (finishing up a teacher prep program) domi haven't been able to spend time with the fam that I'd like to. I just don't understand how he can not want to pick up the slack and spend time with the kids instead of either watching tv or sitting at the laptop watching anime. We've talked about it, but attitudes always get defensive. I try to understand how he can be so proud of the fact that he's home all the time (were a military family), but he seems to take the time the time for granted. I'm at the point of wanting to go to counseling. We need the love back in our marriage. How can I fix this?

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Michelle - posted on 04/05/2012

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I definitely agree that it doesn't work coming from me. I think we need someone completely objective to help us work this out. Thanks for the replies!

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2012

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I think counseling would help him. He obviously didn't have a father role model to learn from. It's true that we learn how to be parents and partners from watching our parents as we grow up.



It also doesn't work coming from you. My ex husband was the same, if I suggested anything I was just picking on him and he would do the opposite. My current husband is completely different and we can discuss things openly without either of us feeling like we are being attacked or not doing a good enough job.

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2012

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A little background info ...his dad left when he was small. I had a great relationship with my dad. I've even told him that when I see him making an effort to spend time eith the kids, it makes me truly happy. He thinks that I focus too much on them and not enough on us. But I told him that I feel the need to fill the gap that he leaves in their lives. It been this way for a really long time. In the past I've found ways to go on with life without this affecting us much, but lately (with the kids getting older) it is hard to ignore. I'm leaning more and more to suggesting we go to counseling.

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2012

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My first thought was to talk to him but I saw at the end you have tried that.



I would see if he would go to counseling. Maybe he was brought up in a "traditional" household where the mother stayed at home and did everything with the children and the father didn't "interfere" with that.



I don't know because my husband is so involved with my kids I love it.

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