Domestic violence

M - posted on 04/08/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am a divorced and remarried mother of a 13-year-old son. He was 10 when his father and I divorced and 12 years old when I remarried. He and my current husband never got along well. My son was used to it being just he and I for several years. He resented the marriage right from the start, which broke my heart! My current husband at the time had custody of his 16-year-old daughter. His daughter and my son were little shy at first but ended up to be best of friends.
Last August while my son was with family for a bit of time In New York, there was a very unfortunate situation of to Mestic violence between my current husband and myself. My husband had started drinking. My husband is bipolar and takes various medications for his condition. When my husband instead of having his medication changed when he wasn't feeling well he had turned to alcohol instead. My son was never a witness to this. It was definitely a dark secret for several months. As many of you probably guess, alcohol and bipolar medication can be a dangerous mix. It resulted in my husband turning violent one night and hitting me. Afterwords I had him call his psychiatrist with me On the phone as well and schedule an emergency visit. He followed his doctor's orders after that.
Both he by himself, and the two of us together have gone through extensive counseling and have gone on to have a decent good marriage ever since. The problem started when my family told my ex-husband about the Domestic violence incident.
At the time, I had already planned that when my son returned from New York that he go and stay with his father until my current husband and I went through counseling to be certain that this would never happen again. However my two sisters stepped in and took it upon themselves instead of allowing me to do it my way they took it upon themselves to talk to my ex-husband who is my son's father and make sure that my son never returned to me again. At first I had gone to my son's counselor with my phone to see what we could possibly do to address the situation between Ben and myself first. As I said I had planned on my son not spending any time at my house unfortunately until the situation and only if the situation could be deemed resolved by a professional.
Understandably, my son was scared and angry with me. My son told me I would have to choose between himself or my husband. I tried the best I could as adults explained to child but it could not be a choice I would make. I refuse to choose between my son and my marriage. But what I believed was necessary was that Ben please take the time to go to counseling with me. Not only did he refuse but my son told me that if I did not leave my current husband my son would never ever speak to me again And would have nothing to do, He would never see me he would never talk to me again. The counselor tried to explain to Ben that was not the answer and that that would be more harmful to him emotionally than to try to work it out with me.

Ben's father has not supported my custody rights. He has stopped Ben's Counseling. Ben's father has allowed Ben to not answer my phone calls also to not respond to my text messages and emails. When I told my ex-husband that he needed to be a father and tell Ben that he must attend counseling with me. My ex-husband's answer to me was that Ben told him that if he is forced to have any contact with me he will run away! So instead of putting his foot down, my ex-husband is now allowing my son to be in control!
I have tried countless times to contact my son. I brought him a homemade birthday cake on his 13th birthday. It is now April and I have had to be without my son since August!

I have literally cried every single day several times a day missing my son. I have been to a psychiatrist and been prescribed antidepressants and sleep medicine. I still cry every day!! I am not the type of mother who does well without seeing my son. It was hard enough to be without him on the days that it was his father's turn to have Ben.


I have scheduled a court date and am demanding that my ex-husband force Ben to go to counseling with me, and Start to rebuild my sons and my relationship. I don't expect any miracles of myself come home very soon for my part of the custody. However we must start somewhere to rebuild our relationship.
I desperately need and would sincerely value some other mom's opinions.
Thank you much all of you and please please value every single precious moment with your children!!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/08/2013

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Well, for your sisters to be so concerned about your sons well being that they told your ex's family, it must have been pretty awful. Awful enough to scare them, and concerned enough for their nephew to never return to your house. In my eyes, they did the right thing. There is NEVER a reason or an excuse for domestic abuse. Period. Also, IMO you are indeed choosing a man that beats you over your son. I cannot blame your son for feeling this way.

Great on you for going to therapy. This does not mean you can or should force your son. I hope you and your son can work through this, but do not blame him for not wanting to be in the same house with a man that beats his mom.

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