Domestic violence

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I've been mentally, verbally and physically abused for 27 yrs. These last 3 yrs. We became church goers and he changed his ways at first but almost immediately started with mentally abusing me. I held on for 3 more yrs. Until it turned to him threatening me with a knife. He's now in prison and I have a restraining order. The thing is he wants me to drop the charges so that his time in prison is less. Is that okay to do? Or should I not do this?

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Dove - posted on 08/25/2015

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Jodi is right. You won't make it through this w/out counseling. Start looking right now... today. Call your doctor and ask for a referral if you don't know where to start. You CAN do this, but it will not happen w/out professional help and the sooner that starts the better.

Jodi - posted on 08/25/2015

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" I told my daughter to stop giving me the phone."

Again, you need to make sure you get yourself into counselling. This comment that you made demonstrates learned helplessness, which is something that happens to abuse victims. You don't tell your daughter to stop giving you the phone, you need to stop taking it. You CAN have control over what you choose to do here, but I am concerned that you don't realise that, based on the abuse. So please get some psychological support to help you build your resilience. You are going to need it.

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015

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My plans are not to get back together with him. And I'm filing for divorce on adultery charges. He has a 17 yr. Old daughter out of wedlock and I found out he was constantly texting with my son's ex girlfriend. That's what bought all this problem. He defended that girl over me and I asked the phone company for his calls and texts and all the pages are filled with her #. Even at 1-23-6 a.m. and during the whole day and night for more than 2 weeks.

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015

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That's exactly how he makes me feel. He says that what he did isn't for him to be so many years in jail. He says 3 but the police officer says minimum 10 yrs. For threatening me with a knife. He has aggression and domestic violence also. All 3 charges are grave.

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015

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I spoke with him three times but I told my daughter to stop giving me the phone. He's been trying to talk me into giving him another chance. And to be honest it has crossed my mind but then I get a hold of myself and talk myself out of it. No more calls, period, no matter what his reasoning is.

Jodi - posted on 08/24/2015

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It appears this man still has some power over you if you are considering dropping the charges. All the other men have girlfriends or wives that are dropping the charges because they are abused women who are being emotionally manipulated. Don't be one of them. Don't let him manipulate you. Don't allow him to make you feel responsible for him being jailed for longer. He made a choice, now he needs to pay for it.

I also agree with getting help now.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/24/2015

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Have you started divorce proceedings? What are your plans and expectations with this man?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/24/2015

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Stop talking to him. How is he having so much contact with you??? Why are you talking to him??? Why are you enabling his abuse?

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015

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Thanks...He's says that all the other guys with him have all had their charges dropped by their girlfriends or wives, that why can't I do the same.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/24/2015

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He committed a crime. Why would you think it OK to drop the charges? Forgive all you want, but he needs to pay for his crimes. He shouldn't have been an abusive asshole if he couldn't bear to be in jail. Tough on him.

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015

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Again thanks for ur comment and support. That means I should stay firm in my decision.. Thank you!

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015

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Thank you..it's just that I feel like I'm being too harsh with him and I need backup to make me feel like I'm doing what's right.

Dove - posted on 08/24/2015

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Do not wait to seek help. If he is asking you to drop the charges and you are even considering it... you need counseling NOW. It is not easy to break the 'abuse mindset', but you NEED to do it for you own mental health.

Dove - posted on 08/24/2015

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I would not drop the charges. He committed a crime and must pay for that crime to the full extent of the law.

Leticia - posted on 08/24/2015

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No, it is definitely over. Too much lying and infidelities. I'm seeking help once all this is over.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/24/2015

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You do whatever you think is right. I am hoping you are seeking therapy for the 3 decades of abuse.

If you DO reduce the charges, is he more likely to come back in your life?

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