Don't know where to start

Karen - posted on 09/20/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Need some advice on where to start. I could lose everything if i don't get some help soon. so i am reaching out to someone that might lead me in the right direction.
I am 30 year old married mom of 2, a daughter who just turned 5 and a son, who just turned 2. From the beginning of my relationship with my husband almost 3 and a half years ago it has been a bumpy road. first with me basically trying to push my then 2 year old daughter on him before we were even dating a week, and then basically giving him heck when he didn't do something right or didn't do it all like i wanted him too, and not standing up for him when my mother would do the exact same thing. Then because i was afraid of losing him, basically making him get me pregnant with my now 2 year old son.After not being able to deal with my mother anymore due to having to pay her half of a 2 weeks paycheck and not being able to save any money to move out on our own, I moved in with my now sister in law and mad him move over as well, when he had told me it was not a good idea in the first place. Then when he would try to go and have some guy time with him friends i would give him heck for it, but right after he walked out the door i left with the person i said i wasn't talking to(my mother) because she had basically told me i was a bad mother and not a very good person. Then after having a blow up with him and as well as his sister and her husband, me and my then 3 year old daughter moved in with his mom. which is where he said i should have tried to come in the first place.
At this point, he was working and everything was going well, until he would try to go out with his friends, then i would give him hell and make him fell bad about leaving, even though he spend most of his time with me and my daughter and does everything for us. then if things weren't bad enough i started talking to an ex about old times and lying to him about everything. but the bad thing is still to this day there are lies and deceit only from one party (ME) Even when he tells me to back off, i keep pushing and pushing. Even after we seperated for 6 months, but the only reason we got back together was because of more lies and deceit. I don't want to lose my husband and my marriage, but he tells me he will leave if i don't start treating people right, what do i do??

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Well, start treating people right. Why wouldn't you treat them right? If you want to keep people in your life, you have to be someone they want to keep in their lives. If you are a constant drama filled head case, they are going to push you away.

The lies are in the past, stop telling new ones and be honest with him.
He deserves some time with his friends, as long as he is spending time with you, let him go. You need a life outside of him too. You sound really insecure, combative, and clingy. If he tells you to back off, don't keep pushing, back off--he is telling you that for a reason.

I don't know what kind of lies you told him to get back together with, if they are small, maybe you can just let them fade into the past, but if they are major topics, you should probably come clean with him. Honestly, I'm surprised he is still around, so obviously he loves you. Love him back and be a woman he is proud to have and eager to keep.

3 Comments

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Jodi - posted on 09/20/2013

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It sounds to me like you need some counselling to help you with your issues. This isn't a matter of just treating people right, there is more to it than that. Just treating people right and not dealing with the underlying issues isn't going to make you happier.

Dove - posted on 09/20/2013

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It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship... only YOU are the abuser. I recommend counseling for you immediately.

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