Dr My kid Dr Theirs?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

Does anyone elses teenagers seem to drop IQs when planing to visit and while with the other parent? My teens are bright and smart and very quick, They come and say hey, I'm planing a visit to Moms (I'm step mom and the one who raised them, shes seen the sparatically throughout their lives thus far untill recently with our son, not our daughter.) and they completely change! They become forgetful, foolish, even mean and completely forget their manners. They turn INTO the rotten teen from being the happy well rounded one! Am I alone in this? I know I cant be. Our son(17) has actually given up his bright future THAT HE CHOOSE AND WORKED HARD FOR to live there, turned horribly disrespectful, intentionally cruel (he recently got his second or third fiance pregnant and uses the poor unborn child to intentionally hurt us. Because of this and us refusing to let him use his child as a pawn we have not been talking to him. As he will intenitonally include us just to literally 2 hours later turn around and call us every name in the book and tell us we will NEVER see HIS child..along with every 4 letter word and name you've ever heard and its cousin.) and quit school. Our daughter is still with us and doesent make plans often (they hurt her alot with leaving her out and not doing anything for her accomplishments, birthdays and holidays. Not even an atta girl!) But when she does and lets us know..its like her intelligence literally drops at a steady pace and does not fully return until about a week from going there. Sometimes she even comes home angry when she finds out fully what shes been left out of and throws severe physical fits where her father has had to restrain her to keep her from destroying the house and shes lost everything to books in groundment. Then the cycle starts all over again. whether its days, weeks or months in between (she chooses when she visits, shes 15). Does anyone else experience this? Our shared children do not have these problems thank goodness, but I feel so horrible for the roallercoaster ride of my "steps". I talk with them, but I honestly dont know what else to do but watch them ruin themselves. It makes me so very sad for them.

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Jodi - posted on 03/08/2016

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"(I'm step mom and the one who raised them"

You said it. You guys are ragging on his mum because YOU raised him and she is just the biological mum. So take credit where credit is due. This is the child YOU raised. If you are prepared to take the credit for being the one who raised him, then be damned sure you also take some level of responsibility for the person he has turned out to be. I honestly get really annoyed when a parent blames the flaky parent for the way the kids turn out because it doesn't need to be this way. While it is understandable that the situation is not ideal, many, MANY children have situations like this, but generally, as long as one parent has a stable home environment (in particular the primary carer, which you claim to be), this does not need to happen.

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Ev - posted on 03/08/2016

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IQ levels have nothing to do with how kids act when they return from the non-custodial parent's home. It is their behavior that has changed. {{{They come and say hey, I'm planing a visit to Moms (I'm step mom and the one who raised them, shes seen the sparatically throughout their lives thus far untill recently with our son, not our daughter.) and they completely change! They become forgetful, foolish, even mean and completely forget their manners. They turn INTO the rotten teen from being the happy well rounded one!}}} It is how they are allowed to be that changes when they are there and come home still behaving in the same manner. Not all kids do this. A lot of kids go between parents homes and are just fine. Some might act out upon return. My kids were with their dad (he had primary care) more than with me. They never acted out when I had them nor did they at out when their dad had them out of the normal things kids do. The son you said has a couple kids? He is almost 18 years old. Soon he will be deciding his own life anyhow and if he has no diploma that is his fault. In the teen years kids might work on something hard to achieve a good thing for life, but then things happen of their choices. The daughter I do not know how to handle that but suggest counseling.

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