DS tells me that BD punishes him for calling SM her real name

Britt - posted on 07/11/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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DS had quite a story to tell me while on my summer visitation- he tells me that BD's GF(SM soon to be) they have been together for 4yrs...that he will get punished because his BD thinks I dont deserve the title of "mommy," and his GF or SM "does."
I think this is very wrong-
The best thing I can think of to do about this is jot it down in my log book and let it go.....
What would you do?

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Jodi - posted on 07/11/2011

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Brittany, how old is your son?

And yes, if you can't talk to your ex about it, just note it down. Also, make sure you assure your son it doesn't matter to you what he calls his SM, or you, that you know you are his mummy, and he knows who his mummy is, and that you love him very much regardless. It's just a name. I KNOW this is not the way you FEEL, but HE needs to be assured that it doesn't bother you, or the poor kid is going to feel so torn about it all, and that isn't fair at all.

And if his dad is punishing him over something like this, the man is a true asshole, just so you know. Unfortunately, you can't make him less of an asshole, so you just have to take the high road and minimise the damage to your kid.

Jennifer - posted on 07/11/2011

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It is really hard to deal with the unreasonable & asshole, my ex is the same. He refuses to talk to me ever, and when i actually can get him on the phone, he acts like an ass. I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. Do they have any courses for divorced parents that you can suggest you both take? It amy or may not help, but I would definitely document everything that is said & done so that you have some leverage & protection when & if the situation goes to court. Just keep in mind you are mom & as long as you are able to take the high road for the sake of your child, you & your child win. I wish you all the best!

Jennifer - posted on 07/11/2011

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Thanks so much, lol.
I would suggest try speaking to your ex in a controlled place such as a restaurant or coffee shop, that way it may decrease the chance of getting off topic & getting too heated. Explain that just because he in in a relationship it does not change the fact that he is still in an important "relationship" with you that will never end because you have a child together. Tell him that you are hurt & angry that he would discuss such things with your child. You are his mother & although he (your ex) is in a relationship with a new women it does not make her your child's mother. That position is not up for grabs. Explain that you want to have an open communication for the child's sake and that you are mom not his GF. Even when they get married that does not give her the right to be called mom that will have to be earned, and should not be forced on a child. There are so many different situations that make it right or wrong to call a SM, mom, I think it should depend on the child's comfort, & choice. If the child lives with them half time or more then it may happen if she is good to him, but always remember to be supportive & keep you child's feelings as a priority and you cant go wrong! You will always be mom, always!

Your son should not feel pressured to call her mom due to punishment. That is completely a power play & so wrong!

My children call my husband dad, but it took time for that to happen & it was all up the kids, and I talked to my husband alone when my kids asked me if they could start calling him dad. I explained what it mean if he said yes, i told him it wasn't a title it was a job/important role, & if for some reason we didn't work out he would have to be there for my girls, thats what dads do! My ex husband is not a stable influence on my kids so my husband is who they depend on for a father figure. If my ex were to grow up & put the children first in his life we would be more than happy to accommodate a better relationship. My kids have 2 dads, one day I hope they can benefit form both! Until then my hubby is it.

Hope this helps

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Britt - posted on 07/11/2011

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sad to say thats the way he wants it to hurt me - trust me this man is evil - the middle school agrees!

Britt - posted on 07/11/2011

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dearest son...usually with "D," in front of an abbreviation can mean Dearest

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