Dumped after finding out I was pregnant

Miss - posted on 11/12/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi,

I'm 26 yrs of age, I'm 34 weeks pregnant. My baby's father dumped me when I told him I was pregnant. He told me he wasn't ready for a second child (he has a daughter with his ex wife). My son is due in a few weeks and it breaks my heart that he will not have a relationship with his father, or half sister for that matter. What hurts me the most is that he takes care of his daughter but wants nothing to do with my unborn child. He is now trying to work things out with his ex wife ( who cheated on him with his best friend). I want to forgive him for leaving me when I needed him the most but for the most part I want to forgive him for neglecting his responsibilities.

I'm finding it hard to forgive him and I do not want to be bitter for the sake of my son. He doesn't deserve it. Please help. Is the anyone who's been through similar experiences?

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[deleted account]

The thing you have to always remember when dealing with other people is that you cannot trust them, and you cannot allow them to become so important to you that their actions (or lack of action) becomes important to your own happiness.

You can't control him or what he does, you can only control your own emotions and actions. He is just another person, so whether he wants to parent your child or not, should not matter to you. You don't need to forgive him for anything, just push him to the sidelines and deal with him on a non-emotional level while you move on with your own life.

Forgiveness is HARD. I'm struggling with it myself right now, because for the first time in my life, I need to forgive someone who I cannot just force out of the emotional perimeter of my life (I have a commitment to emotionally support this person, it's complicated, but you don't have that with this guy). I can't tell you how to forgive him, but I honestly don't see any reason why you need to keep him in your life on an emotional level. File for child support and visitation and move on without him. In the future, do not give him the power to hurt you again by depending on him for any kind of relationship. You don't need a romantic relationship to be a good parent to your child.

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