eight year old flies into rages , need advice

Kirstie - posted on 10/08/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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hi i am having some serious anger issues with my eight year old daughter , shes always had a temper but in the last few months it has got worse .
the slightest thing can set her off and she rages , throws things , calls everyone horrible names , and lashes out , my partner and i have tried everything from time out , to denying her favourite things , and yes even a smack , but this didnt help but was at the end of my tether.
today she raged so bad i couldnt stand it and left her with her dad and went to my mums , we have tried talking to her to see if anything is making her angry but she just says she cant help it , its particulary bad with her brother, she hits and kicks him without warning.
i have spoken to her teacher as she is good at school but this doesnt seem to have helped much , we are at our wits end , is anybody else experiencing this , and what do we do ??? from a stressed out mum of a beautiful but fiesty dd x

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April - posted on 10/11/2011

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Hi. My 8 year old son does the same things that you have explained. I have taken my sun to couseling and the the doctor and he was diagnosed with ADHD and axity and depression issues. You should call yor doctor. I take my son to spectrum maybe there is on where u live.god luck

Mary - posted on 10/10/2011

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Have you had her blood sugar tested? I have family members who have had similar problems as your daughter. These were usually controlled by heathy diets and strict bedtimes. It's probably a little tougher to enforce these suggestions in a 9-yr-old though since that's typically an age where kids really want to assert their independence. Still, if she feels out of control during her rages, she might be willing to cut out excess sweets and late nights voluntarily. It should be partly her decision too, don't you think?

Jean - posted on 10/10/2011

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I think you should seek medical advice. She could be suffering from a range of problems if left untreated could lead to disaster. She is already violent and this behavior will only continue to get worse if not addressed now. See professional help.

Sandy - posted on 10/10/2011

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Difficult to say what could be at the root of the problem without some family history. I would recommend seeing a therapist for some professional help.

It doesn't make sense to say it is hormonal if there is no problem at school. A therapist can help you understand what environmental issues may be involved.

Kirstie - posted on 10/09/2011

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thanks for all your help , going to try some different techniques , today has been better so far , have been keeping her busy and asking what she would like to do , she chose board games so have been playing a lot , house is a mess , no ironing done but hey shes not had a tantrum , my husband suggested she may be a bit hyper active as these rages tend to occur when shes been out with friends or running around a lot , so will see how she goes , thanks again

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April - posted on 10/11/2011

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Hi Kristie.. My son does well in school too.. I would call the school and ask them if she is having even little problems.. My son will hit and he always has to be first.. My son sleeps well but your daughter might still have some of the parts of adhd but not all.. I have to literally get down to his level and make sure he is looking at me eye to eye to make him listen to me. The spanking nor the time out work for him.. I have to take things away that mean alot to him to punish him for his behavior..

Kirstie - posted on 10/11/2011

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yes being looking into adhd but she can concentrate fine on a task , sleeps well when she gets to bed etc , what other symptoms does your son have , they have not said she is a problem at school so really not sure , but think am going to take her to the doctors as i am concerned , thanks for your post

Dana - posted on 10/10/2011

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Read Dr. Rosemond. He is a no nonsense child phyciatrist. He has a web site and has written books. Obviously your daughter can control herself, since she is fine at school, but not at home. Some no nonsense parenting with clear conscise rules and consistant rules will do the trick. Look up Dr. Rosemond.

Neva - posted on 10/08/2011

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I would agree that there could be some psycological issue or behavior disorder going on. I would have her evaluated by a specialist immediately. Also you must be consistent with your discipline. When she is not having a fit tell her that the next time she behaves that way that you are not going to allow it and what the consequence will be. She needs to have an immediate consequence, such as being put in time out. Tell her that when she starts getting out of control that you are going to give her an immediate time out. Pick a spot, chair, place on the floor. Do not send her to her room, as there are usually things to play with in there. When you see her start her anger, give her a warning. If she continues, then put her in the time out area. If she gets up, you need to keep putting her back. She will get angry, kick, yell, scream, anything she can think of. Your job, and it is very tough, is to stay calm, keep putting her back without talking to her. The first time you start this technique it is going to be exhausting and at age 8 can take hours, but you need to stick with it. The object is to let her know that you are in control. If you yell back at her, cry, hit her, etc. you are telling her that you are just as out of control as she is. Just keep putting her back. When she finally stays on the spot, then set a timer for 8 minutes. When the 8 minutes are up, tell her that you expect an apology. Tell her why you put her in time out and that every time she shows that kind of behavior that you are going to give her a time out. Tell her that you are not going to allow her to act that way for her own protection. Then give her a hug and don't talk about that incident again. Be consistent. If you give up and say this isn't working, or I can't take this, then you are in effect reinforcing the bad behavior because she gets the upper hand. Children need to know that the adults in their lives are in control and they need consistency. Even if she has a psychological problem, she needs this consistency.

Katherine - posted on 10/08/2011

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It could also be a psychological issue. Many rage related incidents, and I know you probably don't want to hear this, could be associated with bi-polar.
It may not be, it may be hormones. But it sounds like she can't control it.
She definitely needs an assessment.

Jodi - posted on 10/08/2011

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Oh, JuLeah, I wasn't blaming it on hormones (that wasn't what I was suggesting), I absolutely agree with you. I just believe in finding the cause, and then it is much easier to learn how to manage it.

JuLeah - posted on 10/08/2011

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Don't blame this on hormones. That might be a factor, but each person is 100% in charge of how they act, what they say.



I am sure most aggre with that, but I do here things like. "Well, teens will be teens" from some people and that is never good for a child



She can help it, don't allow her to think otherwise



She may need tools and some assistance in gaining control of herself, but she can 'help it' and she needs to be held accountable when she acts up



Bring in a professional who can help her recognize when she is getting up set and can offer tools to help her self calm

Carolee - posted on 10/08/2011

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Puberty is also when bi-polar often manifests. Might want to have her tested for that if the rages are very intense.

Jodi - posted on 10/08/2011

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Kristie, my experience with my stepdaughter was that she got hormonal about 12-18 months before she had her first period, so while she may be too little to be getting her period, it is possible that her hormones are starting to prepare her body. It isn't unusual for a girl to get their period at 9 or 10. However, it could also be another hormonal issue. It may well be worth getting checked out. If she is flying into rages and doesn't know why, it certainly sounds like a hormone issue.

Kirstie - posted on 10/08/2011

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never thought of that , she seems to little to have hormones lol , but will bear it in mind , thought about taking her doctors to get checked as i saw a similar post and the lady got her kid checked and they had a thyroid problem , but dont knowm if im just being paranoid ,thanks for replying.

Jodi - posted on 10/08/2011

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Is it possible she is starting puberty? It may be her hormones. This doesn't make it okay, but understanding if it is her hormones at work may make it easier for everyone to work towards a solution (such as her recognising she is hormonal again and learning to take herself away from a situation and perhaps to her room when she recognises the rage).

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