Eighteen year old son got 16 year old girl friend pregnant. She wants to keep the baby, but he doesn't, but he supports her so they are going through with the pregnancy. We feel like the girl and her family are making all of the decisions without taking all factors into consideration. What do I say to my son without allienating him? His girl friend was on Depo Provera, or at least that is what we are being told. In addition, the girl friend told others in the community before our son had a chance to tell us. We'd like to meet the parents of the girl friend, but we've been told that her mother is

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Jodi - posted on 03/30/2012

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Neither can I Laura. That's why I've made it very clear to my son that birth control doesn't always work and that if you are going to decide to have sex with someone, you need to be aware that there is always a chance that it could result in pregnancy, so unless you are ready to be a parent, maybe you need to think really hard about it and make sure you are taking EVERY precaution possible if you decide you want to have sex.

Michelle - posted on 03/30/2012

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I agree with Jodi, there is no reason why he can't go to college and get a career whatever career he wants as all these things will do is help him to better support his child in the long run. He will however have to learn to balance his time better so that he can be there for his child and her mother.

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2012

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I do understand that it as extremely harsh and life changing lesson. It must be incredibly difficult. But if your son can focus, get a part time job to help out with the costs of the baby, there is no reason he can't continue on to college. But he is going to HAVE to grow up a LOT. Unfortunately, this may take away from him the ability to do all those things a lot of boys his age do, but that's what comes with the choices he has made, and it is important he understands that. As his mother, all you can do now is to help guide him into making the right choices for himself AND his child, and support him in his quest to do this.

Isobel - posted on 03/30/2012

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I can't imagine having to sit back and watch my teenager have to make such adult decisions and sacrifices...but unfortunately that's what they're going to have to do. :( I think all you can do is give them the best advice you have



...and may I suggest that one of the points be that he is NEVER allowed to say anything bad about that baby's mother even if she acts exactly like a teenage girl (I didn't even like myself when I was a teenage girl) ;P cause eventually she and the child will grow up and they will all appreciate him taking the high road.



The chances of them surviving this as a couple are slim to none unfortunately.

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I hate to say it, but he should've thought about all those things before having sex w/ her. Even if she was on Depo... did he use a condom?



If he contracted a sexually transmitted disease he wouldn't be able to 'opt out' here. NOT that I'm comparing a baby to a disease, but they are both natural consequences of having sex.



If she chooses to have this baby then he is legally and morally obligated to help provide for this child for at least the next 18 years. Hopefully he will man up to the job and not hold any resentment towards this child or his/her mother. It takes two to make a baby and both are equally responsible (or SHOULD be).

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2012

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Birdie, these are the consequences of your son's choices to have sex. He needs to accept that too.

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2012

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In addition to what Laura has said (which I agree with 100%), just keep in mind that no birth control is 100% effective. You are speaking as if you think this girl was lying about being on Depo Provera. There are plenty of people who get pregnant while using contraception. The fact is, your son had sex with her. If he wanted to take responsibility for contraception, he could have too. He chose not to. Consequences ensued. It isn't fair to blame this girl for the situation. The fact is, she is having a baby. Your son's baby too. I think you just have to accept it and stop trying to place blame.

Birdie9345 - posted on 03/30/2012

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I get what you are saying and think it is a much more constructive and positive thing to accept and support the decision made by my son's girl friend. I am concerned about the resentment that my son may feel now and in the future. He has graduated high school but hasn't really figured out what he wants to do with his life. College and the military were things he was considering. Now, these things seem out of his reach. He is living at home and working part-time, not making what even comes close to being able to provide for a young family. His girl friend is working at a fast food restaurant while working on finishing high school, at least for the time being. This just doesn't seem like the right way to start a family. It goes against everything I worked to create for myself in starting a family.

Isobel - posted on 03/30/2012

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her mother is?



I hate to say it but you don't really get a say...it really is her body, her choice. I wish you the best and I hope that you and the baby's other grandparents can find a way to support her and your son in their new role as parents without raising the baby for them.



This may sound odd...but if you could find a way to come to peace with her decision and look forward to the new addition to the family, it will go a long way to keeping your family whole. Nobody wants to have a baby that other people are unhappy about no matter how imperfect the situation.

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