Christine - posted on 12/18/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )
2 years ago this month the most amazing yet traumatic thing happened that forever changed my life. I had my first child and woke up to find out it would be my last child!
I was told I had uterine atony which was the cause of severe hemorrhaging after childbirth. Soon after the baby was delivered I went back to the OR for an emergency hysterectomy. I woke up in the ICU on a vent, had 23 blood transfusions, and was hospitalized for 8 days. What a whirlwind!!
The good news was I had a very healthy 9lb baby girl who continues to be healthy and is my whole world!
My point of this post is mostly to vent bc of various things...
1. Are their other moms out there that this happened too?
2. The pressure I put on myself to make sure I capture every moment of her firsts bc I know I will never experience this again is exhausting...
3. I grew up with 3 other siblings and we are so close! I feel guilty my daughter won't get to experience that.
4. I just can't think through adoption, I'm terrified of the disappointment.
5. Never realized how painful the innocent question of "when are you having another child" is..
6. The constant justification of "well at least I'm alive so it could have been worse"
7. My choice was taken from me... Once with a prior miscarriage and again after my first born.