Emergency hysterectomy after childbirth.. Venting!

Christine - posted on 12/18/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hello,

2 years ago this month the most amazing yet traumatic thing happened that forever changed my life. I had my first child and woke up to find out it would be my last child!

I was told I had uterine atony which was the cause of severe hemorrhaging after childbirth. Soon after the baby was delivered I went back to the OR for an emergency hysterectomy. I woke up in the ICU on a vent, had 23 blood transfusions, and was hospitalized for 8 days. What a whirlwind!!

The good news was I had a very healthy 9lb baby girl who continues to be healthy and is my whole world!

My point of this post is mostly to vent bc of various things...

1. Are their other moms out there that this happened too?

2. The pressure I put on myself to make sure I capture every moment of her firsts bc I know I will never experience this again is exhausting...

3. I grew up with 3 other siblings and we are so close! I feel guilty my daughter won't get to experience that.

4. I just can't think through adoption, I'm terrified of the disappointment.

5. Never realized how painful the innocent question of "when are you having another child" is..

6. The constant justification of "well at least I'm alive so it could have been worse"

7. My choice was taken from me... Once with a prior miscarriage and again after my first born.

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Jennifer - posted on 12/18/2014

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When I had my last baby, I had all sorts of problems. Placenta prevail, accreta, percreta, and preeclampsia. I had a c-section. They tried to scrape her placenta off of my uterus. It didn't work. I was bleeding out on the table. So they tool out my uterus, shocked me twice, and ten bags of blood and four bags of plasma later, here we are. I woke up in icu with a port in my neck and a tube down my throat. Recovery was very slow. However, I wouldn't change my experience for anything in the world. I love my girl.

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Christine - posted on 12/20/2014

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Thank you for warning me so I can work on my composure now! It always amazes me the nerve of complete strangers. I can relate to the irritating adoption recommendation or even surrogate comments in the way of those options getting tossed around as being as easy as going to the store!

Again just really appreciate what you have to say! Merry Christmas!

Ledia - posted on 12/20/2014

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You're welcome!

One of the most hurtful statements I get all of the time is that we are being selfish by not giving our son a sibling--be ready for it. Even if I remind them that I am not medically able to carry another child, they say things like, "Yes, but you are adopted yourself! You of all people should adopt a child!"
Believe it or not, someone said this to me just today.

Maybe I AM being selfish by not adopting another child, but that person hadn't adopted a child either, so I don't think I'm being any more selfish than they are. I am not somehow "more obligated" to adopt just because I am adopted or because I cannot have more than one biological child. I think that is preposterous, and this person got quite the ear full....
Usually, I don't tell people I cannot carry another child--It's not their business--but for some reason, I did today. I usually just smile and say, "We feel our family is complete just the way it is, but if we ever change our minds, we will bring another child into our family then." and that shuts them up. I don't know why I didn't say that today--maybe Christmas stress getting to me and I wanted a reason to go bat $!#@ crazy and yell at someone.

Christine - posted on 12/19/2014

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Thank you!! For some reason just reading someone who can speak from a similar situation and feels complete 10 years later makes me feel a lot better. I really appreciate your feedback.

Ledia - posted on 12/18/2014

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This happened to me....sort of. Not exactly the same medical issue, but I learned while pregnant with my first, and only, child that I would never be able to carry and deliver another child.

My son is 10 years old now, and it's okay. In fact, it's WONDERFUL!!! When I look at the lives of my friends with 2, 3, or 4 kids, and then contemplate the simplicity of our lives (Our being my husband, son, and myself), I am very happy.
Where they have strained relationships with all of their children, stressing about making sure they all feel equally loved and do not feel a need to compete for attention, I have my one son who knows without doubt that I love him with my whole heart more than anyone else in the world.
Where they struggle financially and have to make huge sacrifices to make sure college tuition is available, or to pay for extracurricular activities for multiple kids, we comfortably cover tuition and activities on a single income, leaving plenty for family travel and vacations.
Where they must spend 40+ hours in an office every week, and cannot afford more than 3, MAYBE 4 weeks of vacation with their children every year, I work from home 3 to 4 hours a week, my husband works 20 to 30 hours a week, and we are able to travel 3 to 4 MONTHS of the year, building memories and character our son could never benefit from in a classroom or daycare.
When we go shopping together and my friends were chasing two toddlers running in opposite directions and losing their sanity, I only had one to look after.....and he always came when I needed him to because we had a great relationship because he never had to act out to get attention.
When they were stressing over how to make a birthday party fun for kids of both age groups, I only had one to worry about.
When they are spending hours helping two kids in different grade levels on homework every night, I have it done in a third the time, leaving more time for fabulous dinners, family games, and other activities.
Vacations cost a fraction for us what they do for them, so we've been to exotic places like Monaco, Bora Bora, Brazil, and other places, while they have to settle for Disney World or Cancun.


It was depressing for me when I first learned he wouldn't have a sibling, but I've come to terms with it, and even come to love life as the mom of an only child.

Furthermore, I am an only child--I am adopted, and my adoptive mother passed away before my adoption was even final, but despite the lack of a mom and siblings, I never felt like my family was incomplete because I just knew my family was what it was. They are all different, and they are all complete. Your little girl will not miss having a sibling.

For a while, when my son was about 4 to 6 years old, he started asking for a brother, but really he just liked the idea of having someone to play with readily available 24/7. After spending a few nights with friends and family with multiple kids, he realized that siblings don't always get along, they have to share their things, and they fight a lot, and by the time he was about 7 years old, he was very happy to be an only child. Nowadays, sometimes he even comes to me out of the blue and says creepy things like "Thanks for not having another baby." Yes, it's creepy when you take it out of context, but I know what he means, and I think it's great.

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