Emo Lifes pressures!

Louanne - posted on 02/21/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old is Emo and cut herself and confessed! I am a stay at home Mom and almost lost her to Cancer when she was 4 years old! She only told me because she had a Physical appt. that day...I have known that she was hanging out with kids that seem to be somewhat misfit but thought I needed to let her discover who she is. I do not believe for ONE SINGLE MINUTE that we should ever allow it to continue! Most of them are sad and want to hurt themselves! It is our job as a parent to find out why!!!?? I did...She was being picked on by a particular boy at school and to top it off..she is very sensitive emotionally because of a 5 year battle w/ Cancer. I told her she is beautiful and she was given a second chance at life and that she is the strongest person i have ever known and she aloud this person the power to not only hurt her once but twice by inflicting pain on herself! I thought her to stand up for herself NO matter who she is and no matter who her friends are to be the person they can look up to and come to for help.I can only hope God hears my prayer for her! She is my light! Words can not express the pain of seeing your child inflict pain on themselves! I encouraged her really look at her friends and decide if they are really just seeking attention or just going to hurt themselves no matter what anyone says! I also shared my own struggles in school and she even says I was a boss...lol

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MaryAnn - posted on 02/21/2016

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Former cutter here! I had 23 piercings, changed my hair almost weekly, and even had a kick ass myspace background, with an ironic auto play. I suppose you could have called me emo.
Its been several years since I've cut. A very, very long time. But I very clearly remember the headspace.
I bet you are an amazing mom, but you CAN NOT handle this on your own. Your daughter needs counselling. Stat. This is about more than a boy. Your daughter has lowered her self worth to a very unhealthy level. That needs to be sorted. With the help of a professional. You love her too much to be effective at this. She will lie to please you. Remember. She's been hiding this, and only told you because you would find out anyway.
Taking away her friends (ie peer support) and "fashion" (personal identity) is just about the most counter productive thing you can do. Dont downtalk her decisions- her friends. Not for this. It is a very serious issue, and in NO WAY reflects their true worth. Her self esteem is fragile enough, and she will feel as though she has failed, and that will further lower her self worth. Your daughter is troubled, but she is NOT a failure.
You've been given the opportunity to do the right thing and help her. This isn't a behavioural issue you can discipline out of her. She needs real help from real professionals.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2016

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" She only told me because she had a Physical appt. that day.. " So you cannot be sure that this was a one time incident. Teens who self-injure go to great lengths to hide their behavior.

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2016

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You need to get counselling for your daughter if you have not already. Just having a talk to her about it is not going to solve the issues - she needs professional help.

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Jodi - posted on 02/22/2016

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It doesn't matter whether you have an open communication or not, you are not a professional. It's GREAT that you have this relationship with your daughter, but she should still be in counselling around the cutting, not punished by you. Cutting is not an issue of discipline, it is far more complex than that.

Louanne - posted on 02/22/2016

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We talk a lot and she would come to me for advice on how to help her friends and while I know she faces some of her own struggles I also know we have both opened the gateway of communication to each other we are walking the together.

[deleted account]

Not to freak you out but the number one sign of some kind of sexual abuse in young girls is cutting themselves. You need to get your daughter into counseling immediately, no matter what the reason for her cutting may be. And try not to blame her friends. They might be the only kids who listen to her and give her support.

Raye - posted on 02/22/2016

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I never cut; I would take a hot needle and press it to my skin to blister and scar. It is a sort of control... controlling one type of pain (physical) to shield against another (emotional). Your daughter needs help. You may be too close to the situation to be objective and give her the help she really needs. It took me about 25 years to get to a point where I feel I'm on the other side of these adolescent problems I had. Don't let your daughter struggle with her problems that long. If she gets better, she will realize on her own that her "friends" may not be who she really wants to surround herself with. Then she will need the courage to form more healthy relationships. All this can't be on your shoulders. Please seek professional help for her (and maybe you too). It's not a weakness to get help.

Louanne - posted on 02/21/2016

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Thank you all for your incite It is very important to note that she/we are seeking outside help. She only did this once and discipline with her Ipod has been key. also giving her the power to make changes for her ...has helped a great deal. I am going to help her see her true worth if it is all I can do myself.

Sarah - posted on 02/21/2016

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Cutting is a very complex behavior to understand. I agree, you need to tell her physician and get her some mental health help

Dove - posted on 02/21/2016

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Prayer is incredibly powerful, but she also NEEDS counseling. She is crying out for help here. Please get it for her.

MaryAnn - posted on 02/21/2016

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Former cutter here! I had 23 piercings, changed my hair almost weekly, and even had a kick ass myspace background, with an ironic auto play. I suppose you could have called me emo.
Its been several years since I've cut. A very, very long time. But I very clearly remember the headspace.
I bet you are an amazing mom, but you CAN NOT handle this on your own. Your daughter needs counselling. Stat. This is about more than a boy. Your daughter has lowered her self worth to a very unhealthy level. That needs to be sorted. With the help of a professional. You love her too much to be effective at this. She will lie to please you. Remember. She's been hiding this, and only told you because you would find out anyway.
Taking away her friends (ie peer support) and "fashion" (personal identity) is just about the most counter productive thing you can do. Dont downtalk her decisions- her friends. Not for this. It is a very serious issue, and in NO WAY reflects their true worth. Her self esteem is fragile enough, and she will feel as though she has failed, and that will further lower her self worth. Your daughter is troubled, but she is NOT a failure.
You've been given the opportunity to do the right thing and help her. This isn't a behavioural issue you can discipline out of her. She needs real help from real professionals.
ETA they may have given your daughter the idea, but the first, and every consecutive cut after that are 150% your daughter's issue. I know cutters. The mentally ill. The ones from troubled homes. Occasional cutters... And those who "do it for attention". No one forced your daughter to do this. Every one of them needs professional help. If not now, later when the problem becomes more serious.

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