Emotions when finding out you're pregnant after losing your child.

Brittany - posted on 04/14/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I recently lost my daughter due to some tragic complications during her birth. I was 40weeks and 4 days when I got induced. She was a healthy 8+ pound baby. Her cord detached during labor and the amount of blood she lost caused her heart to stop. She was resuscitated after being born by emergency cesarean. The damage from the loss of blood and lack of oxygen made her incredibly sick. She died at 6 days old from multiple organ failure. My husband and I are devastated. We have two older children at home still, but our daughter was supposed to be our last planned child. Now we found out that we are expecting. It has only been 5 months since our daughter died. We weren't expecting to become pregnant so quickly. It normally takes us a full year to become pregnant. Being pregnant so early has me feeling incredibly guilty. Guilty that I am having another baby, as if it could be portrayed as replacing my beautiful daughter. I then feel guilty for feeling guilty, like I'm not showing the same love for this child as my other children. We have only told a couple people and I find that they all expect us to be extremely excited. I can't bring myself to feel any excitement. After losing a child I feel like the excitement would be a lie, because for us a full term pregnancy did not result in bringing home our child. It's not like a miscarriage where once passing a certain point in the pregnancy you can finally quit stressing. I will not feel that I'm having another child until I'm holding him or her and he/she is healthy. I have also noticed that I have fallen back into a miserable mindset And I have chalked it up to pregnancy hormones combined with grief. I feel like I just set myself to repeat the scenario. Has any other mom gone through something like this? How did you cope? Did it get any easier further into the pregnancy?

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