Empty nest

Sue - posted on 01/05/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm sorry if I have posted in the wrong section, could you move it if I have. Last year a job in London fell through for my only child a daughter, she got a local job and has been in the job for a year tomorrow but has accepted a job offer near London where she would love to live as she is fascinated by London which is three hour drive from here. She starts a month today so in the meantime we have to help find house share and once we've found somewhere and on the fourth of Feb leaves her current job we will move her down there with her gear. I can't stop crying, it's not sad crying but depressing crying, and it's not just low mood that will pass I feel sillily cast out with the garbage although I hide all these feelings and just act excited for her. I will miss her so much and I am proud of her achievements and I think she is brave doing what she is doing but I feel old and that there is nothing left to look forward to. I stayed at home to look after my girl for 23 years I aren't ashamed of that fact it's just I aren't looking forward to the day we move her and the drive home. How does anyone deal with these feelings? Things are compounded worse by my Mum having dementia and strokes and me having to deal with mums finances, sell our childhood home, find a home for her cat and visit her three times per week whilst she doesn't know who I am anymore. I don't think I can cope with any more sadness. Will I move on from this?

Thanks for reading,

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Sue - posted on 01/05/2016

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Hi,

Thank you that someone replied. My self esteem is very low and seems to be even lower recently. I think because I put people before myself, my daughter and my Mam I don't bother with myself anymore. I cycle a lot and have thought of joining a weekend club to meet people my husbands reply was what about me? Which then made me feel selfish. My life has always been about other people. My daughter has assured me she will Skype and text and visit and she has said we'll go by train to London for a day out when I visit. If she still keeps in touch I will be a lot better in how I feel, she looks very young for her age and I worry about her on her own. i just hope she thinks one day I was a ok Mum.and I did the best I could. I remember when I told my Mum I was moving in with my boyfriend which is my husband now of 29 years and she was cooking, she never looked at me or anything, how I wish she had cuddled me and said I'll miss you maybe I should do that to my daughter. I think I hate change that's the problem, and the once spontaneous person of 23 years ago has disappeared. I think having lived with your children that long it does feel like grief, I do feel the same grief as when my dad died, I couldn't stop crying then.

Raye - posted on 01/05/2016

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It sound's like you have a lot going on in your life right now that would make anyone feel overwhelmed. With your daughter, you just have to trust that you raised her well, and this is what it has all been leading up to... her making her own way in the world. It's not the last time you will see her. She will still be part of your life. But now, you must realize that you are more than a caregiver for your child and your mother. You are a valuable woman. You need to explore how you can care for YOU. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Take a class to meet people and stay active. There are lost of opportunities for you, if you look for them.

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