empty shell, lost and scared am I crazy?

Elizabeth - posted on 06/01/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




16 years I have been with my husband. 2 of those years married! 3 children and a house I have worked so hard to call home. If anyone would tell me what I am about to type I would tell them leave...get out! Then why cant I follow my own advice? Whats wrong with me. Fast forward -> today; I 'ask' husband if I could take a jog in the woods-trail, he says no. I finally get the nerve to ask "why can you tell me what I can and cant do? Its not fair" Then the response I got back( in very short form) was that " you have to apologize for that question or you will not go jogging , to your work outs( I am already only allowed 2 out of 4 days a week) or anywhere else. Want to see how I can stop you, and show you that I do have say....say sorry or sit home and do nothing this week. Your choice to make . Your options, don't make it rough on yourself" I for once did not right away apologize. About an hour later my boss asks me to work an extra shift, and when I told my husband about it he says " nope! not happening" this is just today! rewinding a little to the past about a year... I have been beaten choked and shoved around, but my excuse is that he hasn't put his hands on me in awhile... but now I cant even sleep with him.... because when I do I look up and just picture his hands around my neck! So please someone tell me they can explain why I'm still there! Why do I keep making excuses ! why cant I find the strength to leave. In between these days he can be nice. Although he never wants to do anything or go anywhere. My biggest dream is to go to California where my mom is from and again that is " Never going to happen" <--- his words not mine! sorry I know this post is really scrambled and jumping all over the place! I just need someone to tell me something, anything at this point! 0_o


This conversation has been closed to further comments

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms