Linda - posted on 07/08/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )
I have always encouraged my daughter to do her best. However, now that she's an adult, married, with 3 children, she has told me to act like her mother and not treat her like she's my project. She told me to accept her for herself and not expect her to be what I want her to be. Her husband is currently out of work due to carpal tunnel which he claims has been made worse by a job he did less than one year. He has a pending workers compensation case. He had surgery on both hands (one at a time) over 1.5 years ago and was pulled out of work last November and has just had second surgery on one hand and will have surgery on other hand later. However, he still fishes every day, works on his jeep, installs cabinets, moves cinderblocks, mows lawns, paints interior walls, plays games on his ipad and computer, etc. My daughter went back to school for Accounting last Fall (took one class that Sept, 2 classes this past simester) and is taking an online class this summer so she can stay home and take care of her husband. Before he was pulled out of work last November, they had applied for a mortgage and downpayment assistance and were approved for both. However, they needed to come up with $2000 for various fees (inspection, water tests, etc) and they came to me for help. I gave them $500 to start and would give them the rest as needed. When the mortgage company re-reviewed application, they denied the mortgage because monthly income was $60 less than acceptable. Now that he is no longer able to work, that was a blessing as they would have had to foreclose. (Note: husband has had two vehicles repossessed in the past due to non-payment). The day before Mother's day I went to pick up my two granddauthers (ages 2 and 6), my grandson was there. (My daughter left her son when he was 2 yrs old when her and her sons father split up - she was not employed and could not take him with her). Anyway he is 16 yrs old now and was visiting that day. When I was leaving with just the 2 girls, my daughter told Scott, my grandson, to go with me. He said he wanted to spend some time with his mother for mothers day. My dauther responded that she has a paper to write for school and it's due on Thursday. I asked why she couldn't work on the paper another time since she's not working, Hayley is in school all day and why can't Josh take care of Mackenzie so Angie can work on her paper. Well, Josh gave me a look (rolled his eyes). I said, well what else are you doing all day, neither one of you is working, so why can't you spend a few hours with your son and work on your paper during the week. Well, Josh BLEW UP at me! He said, I'm sick of you pulling that working card out. F--- you!, Get the F out of my house.....it went on and on for about 5 minutes. They live in the Projects and he was out on the sidewalks yelling, back in the house yelling: F you, F you. It was embarrassing to say the least. I'm sure it didn't make my grandson feel very wanted. And I've seen Josh do mean things to Scott many times in the past. Angie has told me he's very jealous of her ex husband so maybe that's why he's mean to Scott. Since this happened, I've been waiting for Josh to apologize. He has not. And my daughter has not been calling me like she used to and has only asked me to take the girls with me on Saturdays so she can spend time with her husband. She called me this past Saturday (I have worked in my administrative career since I was 26 yrs old so have always set a good work ethic example) to see when I could come pick up the girls and I said that Dave, my husband, didn't really want to babysit and maybe she could come visit for a while with them since I haven't really spent much time with her lately. She explained that she doesn't feel very close to me anymore since I "dissed" her husband and told him he doesn't work. and she was screaming at me that I owe him an apology. I need some advise on how to interact with my daughter. I've always thought I was supposed to encourage her to do her best so she could reach her highest potential. But she just wants me to accept her and her family as they are.