escalation

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015 ( 58 moms have responded )

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My daughter Mandy just turned 12 in September. So far I've only had to gently smack her mouth for back talking me and swat her rear for being mean to her sister. But her behavior is becoming more defiant and I can foresee a systematic spanking to her rear but what do I do if her misbehavior intensifies? I would appreciate any commentary; however,counseling and other professional services are out... I'v seen the damage they can do.

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Michelle - posted on 02/14/2015

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**********Mod warning********
Locking this thread as it has gone way off topic.
Michelle,
WtCoM Mod.

Jodi - posted on 02/14/2015

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Free speech is only appropriate if it isn't intended to be insulting and offensive to others, as far as I'm concerned. When you start throwing personal insults around at people, that goes beyond free speech and into the realm of just plain dickhead behaviour that doesn't deserve to be heard. I'm sorry, but free speech has limitations, as it should.

Jodi - posted on 02/14/2015

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I don't have any power to axe anyone, or it would have been done, LOL. But I have I flagged it to be locked :P. This woman is getting ridiculous.

Jodi - posted on 02/14/2015

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Not to mention that insulting the moderators on this site is probably not the best judgement you've made if you want to stick around.

Jodi - posted on 02/14/2015

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No, Desiree, when a conversation devolves to the crap you are throwing around, and it becomes totally off-topic, it is time for it to be locked. As I said, you are clearly not interested in advice, only in throwing around nasty, personal comments that are really uncalled for because that's the kind of person you are. So this thread has run its course and needs to be locked. That's all.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

58 Comments

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Desiree - posted on 02/14/2015

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Go for it Jedi...and remember when you cannot attend a pro - choice rally because it might 'offend' the Christian right, it is you who thinks free speech should be suppressed simply because it irritates you.

Desiree - posted on 02/14/2015

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Jodi really? Please mommy make her go away? And who gives a fuck how much time I waste on you idiots? Open your own thread.

Jodi - posted on 02/14/2015

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OMG, is she still spinning her shit!! Honestly, lady, leave it alone! Now you are showing how incredibly juvenile you truly are, arguing backwards and forwards with insults that have absolutely nothing to do with your initial request, like people's photos and use of the word "cuz". Find something better and more constructive to do with your time. You very clearly did not come here for advice, so why bother?

Can someone please close this thread so it will stop?

Desiree - posted on 02/14/2015

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No, Dove she called me a 'fucking crackpot'. Unlike you i fuck and i fuck regularly and by someone who knows how to do it. I will not denigrate those who tell the truth.

Dove - posted on 02/14/2015

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Jodi called you a crackpot... why aren't you attempting to insult her...?

Dove - posted on 02/14/2015

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Well that's ironic BECAUSE no one can understand half of what you say in the first place... lol

Bored little trolls are fun, so go ahead and stick around. It's the weekend... I could use some entertainment.

Desiree - posted on 02/14/2015

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Michelle what I actually don't like is that hideous dress in your photo. Is that the British flag you have on? No wonder we have a presidency and you guys are ruled by an aging figurehead.

Desiree - posted on 02/14/2015

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Dove...I have a value system that does not allow me to take the advice of people who use the word 'cuz'.

Desiree - posted on 02/14/2015

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Oh my goodness ms.r if your psychotic controlling mother nuked your precious self - esteem for tidying up your desk, what horrible pressure had she brought to bear to make you so rectally challenged in the first place?

Raye - posted on 02/12/2015

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Oh, and Desiree, what you said about it being ludicrous that the "notion that one tiny event in a child's life can have a very long term effect" ... proves how stupid you are, not us. One tiny event in a child's life can have a long term effect. Smacking your child in the face is demeaning and lowers a person's self-worth. At 11 years old, I made a mistake when cleaning out my desk at school and accidentally threw away some papers we were supposed to keep and hand in for a final grade. I got a D for the first time, and my mom did not believe me that I accidentally threw the papers away, she thought I didn't do the work. She made me feel like I would never amount to anything (it was an emotional smack in the face) and that feeling stayed with me all through my teens and twenties and I ended up making some other bad choices because if it. Eventually I realized my self-worth and I'm a lot better now, but not all kids get over something like that and they turn into pitiful adults... Hey, I just thought about something... maybe you had a traumatic event in your childhood that turned you into such a hateful person. Hmmmm, maybe your psychologist was right....

Raye - posted on 02/12/2015

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Removing privileges is not torture. They are called privileges because they are not necessities. She only needs necessities unless she can behave properly and earn back her privileges.

I was spanked as a child. My husband spanks his kids sometimes. I am not against spanking when appropriate, but it is NEVER okay to hit your child in the face. It is never okay for your child to "be whipped completely naked". That is abuse and I hope you do get reported and lose custody of your daughter. She deserves better than you.

I have been to counseling at three different times in my life for different reasons, and for the most part I found it not very helpful... not entirely because the counselors were bad at their jobs, but usually because one or more of the participants was unwilling to change or be open to different opinions than their own. There are good counselors out there that would be able to help. It is kind of hit or miss because different personality types need different methods to work through their issues. You have to find one you click with and you have to stick with it for a while. Nothing will magically be fixed with just a couple sessions. And, as I said, the person has to actually want to get better... which it seems you don't.

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2015

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The OP is a fucking crackpot, I needed that laugh......that is all. Good day!

Dove - posted on 02/11/2015

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Lady... if you think it's appropriate on any level to smack a 12 year old... you need professional help. There is no getting around that fact that you apparently have no clue how to parent. Most of your responses are completely illogical ramblings... maybe your daughter talks back to you cuz she has no idea what the heck you are even talking about.... If you don't want to learn how to parent better... just go away and do whatever you want. You came here and asked a question... and you got answers. So why are you still here?

Michelle - posted on 02/11/2015

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Well the title of this thread is appropriate........Escalation. That it has.
To the OP, if you don't like the responses to a question you have posted on a public forum then you are welcome to leave. You can't dictate how people respond to your question either.

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2015

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How dare you! You go right ahead and delineate my "ridiculous defensiveness" of the mental health field....I can't wait to see what you can find in this thread except me asking why you dismiss counseling. I respected your request and NEVER advised therapy for you or your kids. I NEVER advocated the use of psychotropic meds, I will focus in my kids like I always do.
Bring it on! Quote me, tell me where I said what you say I said, can't wait to read it.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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lol you people are amazing... And stupid. Even if you had all of the technological marvels you think you do, there would be no probable cause for anyone to investigate anything in my home. You have given into the De facto presumed authority that is carried by doctors and even judges. You are setting yourself up for a mass depression that comes from the frustrated impotence of those who have no say so in the lives of others and no means to affect them. Sarah, whatever your profession you are ridiculously defensive of the mental health field. Does it ever occur to you that the practitioners of this dubious science have no vested interest in seeing anybody cured? And you are probably not aware that for those of limited means psychiatrists handout samples of psychoactive medications like candy. In effect you are advocating the widespread dissemination of presumably powerful drugs, some of which could have deadly effects. It is also best to realize that all of you are promoting the notion that one tiny event in a child's primordial life can have a very long term effect. This is ludicrous. In addition to possibly being smacked, said 'victim' is going to run into a variety of threats outside of the home. This would include bullies and potential predators not to mention teachers who fill them with every manner of horror story about each and every nuance of life. The existence of all of you here actually proves the traumatizing impact of what must have been the devastating tapestry of your lives. I will do as I please with my child and you will never know what my decision is. This is just as well. Your attention is probably best focused on what must be your own desperate children.

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2015

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Snow days are unheard of in Australia.

But I'm only 2 weeks in to the school year and I want a day off already :P

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/11/2015

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I want a snow day...as it is...I'm taking a sick day...Forgot that the east coast is buried, though, and this is a likely reaction...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/11/2015

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Oh boy...You're "on to" us, eh?

You, actually, are hilarious. Actually, your IP address that you posted from is embedded in your post, so all it will take is forwarding it to the proper authorities.

Hopefully your daughter will see that she's a much more intelligent individual than you are giving her credit for being, and will, herself, turn you in for assault and abuse of a minor child.

Where in the bloody hell did you get that this website is 'anti spanking'? Or, are you only following your own assumption of everyone's ignorance...and not actually reading but one or two words of a response, because, as you blatantly state, all humans are DD and cannot concentrate...Clearly you do fit that mould, since you blatantly failed to read those posts who said that they DID spank...up until the kids were old enough to understand spoken word.

Furthermore, guess what? Not only are we parents here, but we're also teachers, social workers, daycare workers, university staff...in other words quite a few of us not only handle our own children, but every one else's at some point as well.

Good luck with your lack of parenting tools. You seem to be upset that we don't advocate caning until death.

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2015

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Desiree, I said: " I am not pro spanking personally, I am not completely against it but it just was not the right choice for my family"
All I ever asked was why you felt therapy was a waste. I gave you a suggestion on how to modify a child's unacceptable behavior. I did not understand your response about how everyone is DD and to remove things is torture. If you'd explain your answer, then I would know what to clarify or that we can choose to disagree.
Your right, I can't stop you from committing a crime. It is sad that you are so frustrated by the answers you received that you are planning on taking that frustration out on your child.
This is not an anti-spanking site, there is a whole community of pro-spanking mothers. Most of the moms who answered you have spanked.
I hope you take some time to calm down and rethink your plan. If you get arrested for child abuse, you better believe counseling will be part of your sentence.

Dove - posted on 02/11/2015

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Oh goody... another psychotic troll just looking to stir up trouble...

Go ahead and do just that and have your daughter permanently removed from your care. She deserves a human being as a mother... not an unstable lunatic.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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I'm on to you. This is nothing but an anti spanking website. Maybe you are social workers, maybe parents. I just want you to know and that my 12 year old daughter is going to be whipped completely naked by me tonight and there is nothing you can do about it.

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2015

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You were clever to decipher that post, Shawnn. I couldn't understand a word of what she was on about there :P

And Desiree, I had another thought. Given spanking seems to be your only tool, and you aren't open to counselling, are there any parenting classes in your area? If you aren't sure, the school may be able to give you some idea on who may hold them. Classes such as this can help you with ideas for alternative discipline.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/11/2015

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We get it. You don't think counseling is worth a damn. However, you think that slapping your 12 year old is ok?????

You sought counseling because you were unmotivated, and you weren't happy with the outcome. Well, I'm sorry that it didn't work for you, and that you didn't realize that you could have switched therapists, etc, until you found a fit...but that's then, this is now.

What do you mean when you say "as a human being, you are entitled to your hypocrisy just realize that you are preaching to me about something my child is old enough to process while yours at that time was not." To whom are you referring in this post?

Any that have responded that they did spank at one point, also pointed out that it was BEFORE the cognitive skills were developed enough in the child...so...say 3-5 years old. Personally, as I said, once my kids were old enough to have a discussion and understand what we were speaking, spanking stopped. With MY kids, that was around 5 years old, so I'm not the one, nor have I ever BEEN the one to slap my 12 year old.

Why are you making blanket statements that "every child is inherently a DD as his every adult. What I mean by that is that all of our intentions are drawn by every item around this and we attempt to focus on any reduction of stimulation is actually torture to a child." Did you really just imply that the entire WORLD is developmentally disabled to the point that NO ONE can function correctly? Really?

FYI, to blanket EVERYONE on earth under the DD description is quite rude and insulting. To say that a person, regardless of age and ability, is going to be 'tortured' by attempting to focus on any one thing at a given time...I have no words for my disbelief.

Quit slapping your 12 year old. Figure out how to use your words, like an...wait for it...adult. Of course, in order to be effective as a parent, you first need to rid yourself of the misconception that everyone is stupid, and that no one is capable of actual rational thought.,..because that's the impression I'm getting here, based on what your posts have been...

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2015

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You should never EVER hit a child in the region of the head, including a smack on the mouth. I don't care HOW poorly behaved they are. A woman recently got arrested and charged here for doing that - it is considered child abuse.

You need more tools in your toolbox - like others have said, removing privileges works. TV, phones, computers, friends over, other things that she likes.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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okay I am confused here. To all with mentioned counseling that is not an option and never will be. I have many reasons but the most important is that it is not cost effective and in fact it is useless.

Susan - posted on 02/11/2015

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if you feel it's to the point of going to a therapist that's a good idea. i'm just saying you would be amazed how SOME kids start to respect there parents when one thing is taken away i have seen that a lot.

Susan - posted on 02/11/2015

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please keep in mind if you ever to to a professional for anything whether it's a plumber or a counselor if you don't like them switch or get a referral.

Susan - posted on 02/11/2015

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physical discipline doesn't work it will just make things worse take away whatever means the most to her for 2 days:iPhone ,tv,seeing a friend. also you need to relax a little i know it's very difficult but if she were to tell any adult you would get css sent to your house

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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okay Sarah I think I'm up to snuff with you all of the behavioral approaches are acceptable, except that every child is inherently a DD as his every adult. What I mean by that is that all of our intentions are drawn by every item around this and we attempt to focus on any reduction of stimulation is actually torture to a child.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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thank you Sarah I am new to this tell me what you said last and I will make a repost thanks

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2015

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To whom are you referring in your last post? The thread posts each response in the order they are given. If you are directing a comment to someone specific, add their name to the post.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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as a human being, you are entitled to your hypocrisy just realize that you are preaching to me about something my child is old enough to process while yours at that time was not.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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yes I sought counseling foolishly several years ago because I was feeling unmotivated but that was in essence my own problem I needed to get up off my ass but the psychologist was useless all he did was give me books to read and talk about deep seated crap that might have led to my inertia. To add to the thrill, he charged me about 200 bucks a session.

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2015

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It would help me give feedback if I could understand why you dismiss behavioral or cognitive therapy. I am not judging you at all, I am curious as to why you feel like you do.
If her behavior intensifies, you take away privileges. Start with the phone, iPod, TV, computer, friend time, etc. If the behavior continues, continue taking away privileges. All you really need to provide her is a roof, three meals, clothing, and supervision. If you have to reduce her existence to a pillow, blanket, flashlight, meals and a changes of clothing then do it. I am not pro spanking personally, I am not completely against it but it just was not the right choice for my family. Slapping your 12yo across the face or spanking her is obviously not working.

Desiree - posted on 02/11/2015

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listen guys I will accept any input and make the appropriate adjustments, but I specifically asked that no one mention counseling. That is money down the toilet and I refuse to go that route. Feel free to judge me but engage in some reading skills first. Thank you.

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2015

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" however,counseling and other professional services are out... I'v seen the damage they can do." I am very curious what you mean by this statement. Did you have a bad experience personally?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/11/2015

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"counseling and other services are out...i've seen the damage they can do"...Ok, but do you realize what damage you've already caused by slapping your 12 YO across the face? How insulting and degrading!

Are you not an adult, and supposedly capable of rational communication? Try communicating verbally with your daughter, rather than assaulting, abusing and degrading.

I spanked a couple times when my kids were VERY young...Once they were old enough to have a conversation and indicate understanding, that is what we did. It works wonders, doesn't make your kid feel like they're worthless, or that they deserve abuse...

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