Estranged from my 5 adult children

Valerie - posted on 12/29/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi,
I lost my husband to cancer 4 years ago, 3 of my 5 children borrowed a lot of money from me and refuse to pay it back, they have gone as far as creating a family feud. I would appreciate any advice out there.
Lonely Mom

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Valerie - posted on 12/30/2014

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Ya I have come to terms that I will never see the money again. I have also learned a life lesson not to borrow out money to my children anymore. I had no life insurance when my husband passed and my children took full advantage of my situation and my giving nature. I have also tried to bring peace within my family but they want know part of it. I especially miss my grand children a lot.

Mommabird - posted on 12/29/2014

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Wow, your youngest is the same age as my oldest. Haha.
This is one of those things in life that there are no right or wrong answers. I know my 23 and 24 yr old sons have borrowed money before, promising to pay it back. Whether it be $20 or $100 I usually lend it knowing i may not get it back. Most of the time they pay it back but there have been times they didnt but I never hounded them for it. I just make a judgment call when they ask for $...what is it for...is it something necessary...usually its for gas money or to help pay a bill though. So I give them money and Im okay with not getting that back. Its not like they used the money for alcohol or lotto tickets, that sort of thing. Its really your call, your personal situation. If there is already conflict in the family Id just let it go and try and keep peace for as long as you can while family is still around. My gpa used to always say....dont worry too much about money in your pocket, you cant take it with you when you go.

Valerie - posted on 12/29/2014

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Thanks Charlotte, it has been a long journey for all of us. My kids ages are 33,32,29,27 and 25. I had borrowed the money for medical reasons and for my youngest daughter to start up a day home. I asked very nicely when they would be able to start paying me back when all of the nastiness from them began. They have still not made any attempt to even talk to me about paying me back.

Mommabird - posted on 12/29/2014

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First, Im sorry for your loss. Im sure that was hard on Everyone.
How old are the children that have 'borrowed' money from you? And what were they borrowing it for? It depends on the circumstances, in my opinion. And you say they refuse to pay it back...does that mean they've actually said they wont pay it back, do they just keep putting it off, or have you asked for payments?

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