Estranged mother and grandmother

Rhonda - posted on 01/22/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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Hello,
I am new to this website. My husband and I have two children. A son and a daughter. Our daughter is close to us and is just wonderful. She had her challenges in life but has worked hard to overcome her obstacles and is doing beautifully. Our son was very bright in school, loved life, had and still has many friends, but since he got married which is almost 3 years ago, his wife has made our life extremely difficult. She has various expectations and if we do not do things exactly her way she cuts us off. Although we have tried inviting them over, she will not come and now our son will not come either. In the past, she was upset because my husband did not attend her grandfather's funeral but I did and she really had it in for my husband even saying that he was a bad father which I can tell you is absolutely not true at all. Our son came from a loving home and we paid for his education and his fun times. We tried to instill the importance of family and before he was married did come for family get togethers. The last straw was when they had a baby and my husband meant to say something nice about her appearance but it did not come out quite right and she called him an "asshole." When we gave her a very generous gift for the baby, she sent me an email telling us that our money would go for two bottles and a toy. We mentioned this to our son at some point. These issues have started right around the wedding and have never gotten better. At one point, I actually got so frustrated that I wrote my son a letter because we were being restricted by her not holding the baby. I mainly told our son that we wanted to be involved as grandparents and had a lot of love to give but did not want to be treated poorly anymore. I suggested he bring the baby over . Unfortunately, the letter backfired and made the situation worse. Now we are not allowed to touch, hold , or kiss our grandaughter and my husband is told he cannot talk at all at their home. I told my son that this is punitive and he is not setting healthy boundaries. He is adamant that we have to follow their expectations. I even tried compromising and they are not moving forward. We invited them out for brunch but he wrote back and repeated the expectations to us again. I then told him that they both should be ashamed of how they are treating us and that our therapist who is a specialist in this area suggested counselling for them. (we have gone on our own to learn strategies)
Now he won't even answer our calls. Does anyone have any suggestions?? We know our son is to blame and that she has major issues, but we still miss him and the baby. We are sending cards to the baby with pictures and sometimes small gifts.

Thanks for listening.
Ron

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