Estrangement of Adult Adopted Korean Daughter

LJB - posted on 04/12/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 28 year old beautiful daughter has not spoken to me in 3 years. She is my only child and we were always very close till she Was about 21 or so. Those were college years so I thought it was her way of becoming more independent. it has now become total estrangement and I don't know why as she will not talk to me. Complete silent treatment. She continues to have her usual sweet relationship with her dad (we divorced when she was ten) and other family members. I have cried rivers of tears and friends and my psychiatrist says I need to just move on. I can't as I love her and miss her so much. She came home to us when she was 3 months old, born in a Holt hospital in Korea and then with a nice foster family until she came home. I feel like my life is over and I don't even know what I did. It's very hard to do on. I'm wondering if anything like this has happened to any of you? Please help....I would appreciate it very much.
Linda

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LJB - posted on 04/13/2015

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Raye,
Thank you so much for your reply. I did try the letter of apology about two years ago, but need try another one. At first I still sent cards with money for birthdays and Christmas, then the second year I just sent cards, and now I just sent a text like "Happy Birthday Allison! Love, Mom." Nothing brings a response of any kind. It's just so hard to think this could happen but it has! Again, I appreciate your ideas and that you cared enough to reply.....that means a lot.
Thank you,
Linda

Raye - posted on 04/13/2015

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If you have a way to contact her, you should send her a letter and say that you really want to work on your relationship. Apologize for making mistakes, and don't make excuses for yourself. Kids often remember things differently than parents, and something you don't realize affected her obviously has. Tell her you want to know what has caused a rift between you and try to fix it. Tell her you are not going to keep pushing her, but you do want to listen if she would like to talk. Then leave the ball in her court. If she doesn't want to communicate, then you will just have to try to get over it. Her life isn't about you anymore, and you can't try to make it about you. If you try to make it about her, then maybe she will respond better. Honestly be interested in her and honestly try to let go of your pride and fix things if she says they need fixed.

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