Ex and his family pressuring me.

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

To get the background for what's going on I'll say this... When I was 14 weeks pregnant my(now ex) left me, never told his fam or friends that I was pregnant. I ended up telling the family when my baby was a year old(for court & )child support. Since this family has bin in our lives it has bin a fight, full of guilt trips and excuses as to why my ex isn't being a good dad etc. Now, (not surprisingly) he went and had another secret baby, but supposedly he's changed and wants to be a good dad after 8 years. His new gf is causing drama trying to get ppl to talk to me etc. I am livid!!! Everyone is telling me I should give him YET another chance, but he does not txt, call nothing to show he's changed! I have said numerous times I do not want to be pressured into decisions, now they are trying to force me to talk to my ex by threatening court!! I'm so done being bullied by them and being made to feel guilty because him and his gf put his fam in the middle. Help please!!

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LalaBoom - posted on 11/15/2013

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I'm a stepmom wOrking within the legal system..... I'm a little lost......

He has been paying child support for 8yrs, but has had no contact? Or he has been in contact AND paying child support for 8yrs.

I'm not sure why you are communicating with his family. It should be with him. Period. The only information you could obtain from them is his current address to file all court-related paperwork.

If he hasn't bothered to pay child support or see this child for 8yrs, I STRONGLY suggest you file first and file hard. He may get supervised visitation, but definitely zero custody rights. Actually, if he hasn't been a part of his life for 8yrs, you can go to court and terminate his parental rights on the basis of "abandonment of the child."

Not sure how you can be sure the new gf is sending his family to contact you, and I'm not sure how his family- who have NO legal bearing on this child- could even think about threatening YOU with court (laughable!). As for the GF, she is a non-entity. But just dont be too quick to judge: she may be trying to get in contact with you because now your son has a half-sibling.

Also, really ask yourself (assuming he has visited and paid his support), is this based on YOUR definition of what being a good dad is, or is he really a deadbeat. Whether you like it or not, YOU made the unilateral decision to go through with the pregnancy knowing **exactly** who he is and that was enough for you to decide he is "good enough" to father your kids.

I hope that helps!

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/15/2013

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I agree with Shawnn, took the words right out of my mouth lol
File as soon as you can even if it's tomorrow.

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[deleted account]

Yes, sorry I should clarify that.
I had to take him to court for support, every once in a while he will see our child when his family forces it due to the fact they want to see their grandchild.
I have never refused any visitation from any of his family members. His family has told me that his gf is trying to get them to talk to me(about what I'm not sure).
My "definition" of a bad dad is pretty common sense, he chooses not to see our child, he chooses not to contact me, he chose to go out and leave our child at home with his family, he chooses to have everyone else look after our child, it's bin like this for 8 years, Other than the new gf and new baby drama He's neglected our child since Dec of last year, n I've put up with it because of his family and their attachment to our child.

LalaBoom - posted on 11/15/2013

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Not throwing stones at you Shannon! Just considering different scenarios....

LalaBoom - posted on 11/15/2013

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Hi Shawnn :)

Yes! You are absolutely right! Thats why I asked for clarification.... And also suggested she look at herself in case it was her who wouldn't allow him access based on the fact that he doesnt succumb to her definition of a "good dad"....

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2013

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Ah, but if he has been attempting to contact, and she is refusing contact, he can get custody on the basis that she is withholding the child, and not allowing a relationship.

It has happened.

Not that I'm disagreeing with you, Lala, but all angles need to be considered. Which is why we both agree, file first!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2013

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Ok, but here's what you have to understand. If he takes you to court, he does have the right to ask for visitation, and even custody.

Whether or not you "want" him around is irrelevant. You, at one point, thought enough of this person to have unprotected sex with him. He is the father of your child.

Your best protection is offense. Get the court orders filed before he does. Get support orders, and ask for supervised visitation. beat him to the courthouse.

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