Ex askes me to lower child support due to new child.

Jacklyn - posted on 12/02/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 year old son whom I have physical custody of but share legal custody with his dad. His dad saw him every few months until he got his wages garnished by child support services when our son was 18 months old. He asked for 50/50 after that but only got 10%. Prior to child support, his dad was verbaslly abusive to me and threatened to **** up my life for ending our relationship when I found out he was cheating, blew our savings, was not working as much as he said he was, and quite frankly was not around to be a partner. After child support, he was still trying to intimidate me, harassed me about child support, and sent me disrespectful, aggressive, and baiting messages on the court ordered communication system almost weekly. 

Long story short, after his relationship w the girl he cheated on me ended about 6 months ago, he came back saying he had regrets. I told him I moved on. He went back to being an a**. He jumped into.another relationship and is now expecting a 2nd child. He then told me he finally has a family to come home to and learned from his wrongdoing in leaving our son and will not abandon his new family. He asked me to agree to a child support stipulation to lower it since he has a second child on the way and wants to be able to buy what he needs. This stung a bit because when our son was on the way and he was out drinking the mobey away, i moved in with my parents to afford all our child expenses. He also asked for more time with our son. The last three months He has been father of the year. Picks up our son on time, treats me with respect, offers to take our son to his haircuts, doctor appointments, pick him up from school if he is sick, asks for my input if he's unsure about something with our son, gives me advance notice if he's running late, confirms the pick ups, etc. 

I believe in growth and life circumstances changing you for the better, but I do not trust him for nothing in this world given how much he had lied to me. When he asked me to discuss child support 2 months ago, he said it was because he had to move out of his brothers house and pay more in rent, only to later find out at mediation he has a kid on the way. Am I being played? Does anyone have experience with their child's father becoming a better father once they have more children?

4 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 12/03/2017

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Your child is entitled to a court ordered amount of child support and it is his obligation to pay. I understand that his life may be financially challenging right now but that is not the child's fault. Even if you could manage without the ordered amount; wouldn't it be wise to bank the excess to save for a time when your child needs it? Like for college, or whatever? I have four kids, and I know how expensive it is to raise them. This is part of being a grownup; don't have kids you can't afford! If he is parenting better then that is all the better for him and the child but would have zero bearing on child support IMO.

Ev - posted on 12/02/2017

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First, if this is court ordered child support then by all means tell him to go through a lawyer and get it reviewed but in my friend's experience it never happened just because her ex went on to have kids with someone else...he had to pay the full amount for 3 children until they graduated regardless of being 18 or not. Courts look at the amount of income the parent makes and goes by the law as to the percentage paid based on the income level. He can not ask you to lower it. It has to be court ordered.

Second, it is possible for people to change and this is either men or women. There are as many slack off mothers as there are fathers. Maybe he did learn a lesson but he still needs to prove it to you so you believe him. But that does not mean you need to lower the child support.

Michelle - posted on 12/02/2017

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So you asked this question 2 days ago and I responded, you then locked the thread to ask it again. Why?

This is my response from 2 days ago and it still stands:
I would make sure child support is ordered through the courts and don't agree to a lower amount. His payments will be adjusted once the new baby is born if he tells the courts but I wouldn't be agreeing to his terms.

In response to your last question:
I believe people grow up and realize that they have more responsibilities. So it looks like they are becoming a "better" Father, I find some men don't want to grow up though. My ex is over 40 and still wants to live the carefree single life of his 20's. I can't do a thing about it but as long as my children are loved and cared for that's all that matters.

Jessica - posted on 12/02/2017

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Only you know him, the truth is always right in front of you. I think that the fact that your even wanting advice is your mind confirming the truth you already know. My opinion is based on 2 baby daddy's and 30 yrs of reading through bullshit wanting nothing more than to be honest with myself and for men to do the same when dealing. He's needs for that other baby has nothing to do with that baby he had with you. I'd tell him call child support yourself and file for a review. You tell him, good for you that want to do better but I need time to see that. My experience is just that, only time will tell you if he's changed.

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