ex/ baby mother

Melyssa - posted on 01/07/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )




my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 mths. we live together for 4. I have 2 kids so does he. my problem is his babymother take advantage of the situation. he picks up their son mon wed fri...so she goes to the gym. she comes back late which he doesn't see a problem. I feel as if their is a lack of consideration. he has keys to her house his excuse is when he picks up their son that's where he goes. I don't know if I should continue this relationship because I feel as if he expects me to accept the situation


Michelle - posted on 01/07/2015




He's spending time with his children, I would be encouraging it.
If you are thinking of ending the relationship over that then maybe you should have thought of that before moving in together. 4 months isn't a long time to know someone and move in.


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Dove - posted on 01/08/2015




I don't see any issue other than the fact that after only dating 4 months you guys had no business moving in w/ each other... do what you want when you don't have kids, but when you DO have kids... they come first and there should be no living w/ someone or even introducing them to the kids until there is a good chance that the relationship is permanent.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/08/2015




Sounds like you both rushed into this relationship quickly without really understanding each other as parents. Your kids come first, and so do his. Introducing partners to children is a huge deal, and moving everyone under the same roof is an even bigger deal. If you cannot handle the situation now, yes end it before everyone gets to attached. He needs to have a healthy relationship with his children, and it is fantastic he has an understanding relationship with his ex. He will ALWAYS have contact with them both.

Amy - posted on 01/08/2015




I leave my ex husband keys to my place if I need him to take my dog out, the guy I'm talking to has a key to his ex's place. It's not unheard of, especially if the parents have managed to figure out how to coparent.

Palema - posted on 01/08/2015




I don't really see any "situation" here other than a father spending time with his kids. Your relationship is still very new and you jumped in quickly after just four months.
If this isn't something you can get over, you may need to reconsider being with a man who already has children. Do you have an issue with him having the key to her house? If so, that may be where the real situation is.

Raye - posted on 01/08/2015




Some sources say you should not even introduce your love interest to your children until 6 months to 1 year of dating, so you know if it's going to work out before the children get too attached to the new person. During that time, you would find out all this stuff to know whether the relationship/kids/ex's are all things that you can deal with. But that boat has already sailed in your case, so on to your problem...

It is strange that he would have the keys to her house. And I don't know what you mean by her coming back late... How late is late? Is it after the kids normal bedtime? If so, that could be a potential problem, if the kids don't have a consistent sleep schedule. But it's not at all unusual that he would pick-up/drop-off the kids from her home.

If they both are okay with the M-W-F schedule, then what does it matter what his ex does during that time. Going to the gym is not a frivolous thing like going out drinking or some nonsense. She's making the decision to stay healthy, reduce her stress level, etc., which all would help her as a mother. You wouldn't want her dictating to you what you could do during the days when she has the kids, so don't judge her for that.

I'm a step-parent, and believe me, there's a lot I don't agree with that I have to accept. It's part of letting the natural parents be parents to their children. You raise yours your way, and they have to raise theirs their way.

Ev - posted on 01/08/2015




I agree with the other ladies but also there is the thing of the kids getting attached to the new BF or GF even. You should not be introducing the kids to another person until you have established that its a solid relationship and know what this person is like and if they are going to stick around. Kids can form attachments to people quickly and they are the ones that hurt the most when a relationship ends. Look back at what happened with you and their father broke up. How was it for them then or did you notice?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/08/2015




He's parenting his children, and from the sounds of it, he and his ex are doing a good job of doing so.

Of course he expects you to accept that he's parenting his children, since you are a parent as well.

I would say that its a good reason NOT to jump in and out of cohabitation with your boyfriend, until you have a solid relationship. 4 months before moving in together is not solid.

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