ex boyfriend got me pregnant and now he doesn't want to be a part of his child's life.

Katrina - posted on 01/25/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




To cut the long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend last November. We have a long distance relationship and the last time I came to visit him said he can’t do long distance relationship anymore. He asked me if I will be willing to move to his place and I said No. Not at the moment. Maybe later on we can plan for it, but just not now. I told him I have so many things to take care of and not sure if I am willing to give up my career just for a relationship. Not yet even a marriage. He said he is not sure if he can provide enough for me but he willing to try. And assure me that he will make it work for us. Not boasting about myself, but I have a good job. Earning well and traveling the world. You can just imagine, I can get almost anything and everything that I want. I told him I need sometime to decide. But for now, let’s just enjoy what we have. I can come visit him on my days off or when I have a vacation (it’s practical for me to come visit him because I get discounted plane tickets, it’s really cheap! Sometimes I get my tickets free of charge) He didn’t agree to it. And so we broke up. Fast forward, realized I still didn’t get my periods since I came back from that vacation. I did a test. Positive. In the beginning I thought I would keep it to myself. There is no point of telling him because we are not together anyway. I was in contact with one of his friends and she made me realize that no matter what, it’s his right to know. He is the father of my child. And so I did. I did the scan and sent it to him. He spoke to me for the first few days. Asked me how’s the baby and all. Asked me what’s my plan. I told him I will keep the baby. And he doesn’t need to be responsible for it if doesn’t want to. He said if I am going to have an abortion, he would send me the amount of money that I’ll need. He told his Mom about our situation and his mom started messaging me too. She asked me to give him some time. That he is very emotional right now and scared at the same time. I told his Mom the same thing. That I’m just telling him because it’s his right. But he is in no obligation with my child. That I can raise the baby alone with the help of my family. But I hope he respects my decision too that I’m keeping the baby with or without him. I just can’t do the abortion thing. I can’t murder my own child. We stopped talking after that. After 2 weeks, he called me. He said he has made his decision. And his mom and dad supports him into this. He doesn’t want to be a part of his child’s life and he is asking me to cut all the contacts I have with him. He asked me not to speak to his mom or his friends ever again. He said he wants to forget about everything and that he can’t live this way. Knowing he has a child on the other side of the world and not knowing him or her. So it’s better if he doesn’t know anything about our child. I said yes to him. He said he wants to have a child, yes. But to the woman that he really loves. My heart was broken, but I managed to keep myself together. I told his Mom, I can’t talk to her anymore as this is what her son wants. But after 2 weeks his mom started messaging me again. Saying she can’t leave me. No matter what her son wants or says, she will be with me and support me all the way. Later on she said that her son went through her phone and found out that we are still talking. They had an argument but she doesn’t care. She would stay in contact with me if I will still accept her. The next day he messaged me, apologizing for how he reacted into the situation. He said he would like to know the results of my check ups and that he cares a lot about me. Now I’m confused. I don’t even know what I’m asking here. I just want to know if this pain will ever go away? Will I ever get better? Because each time I’d talk to him I’m hurting. Knowing that it’s not gonna work out for both of us and that my child is growing up without a father. Shall I just disconnect myself from all of them and move on with my life? I also feel sorry for his Mom. She loves me so much that she is hurting with the way his son is treating me. Please help. Any advice will be very much appreciated.


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Jodi - posted on 01/25/2015




It sounds like your ex is a little confused himself and still trying to get used to the idea. He is probably in shock a little and just needs some space. Give it to him and respect that.

However, he has a right to a relationship with this child, even if he doesn't come around for another 6 months. Men don't connect with their baby the same way women do (in general). We are the ones who carry the baby and it becomes a part of our every day life quite early. It is a reality for us before it is born. For a man who is not with you every day, this is not a reality yet and no connection has been formed, so he may very well be confused and conflicted. Once the baby is born, he may have a total turnaround, and he has the right to do that.

Your comment "Knowing that it’s not gonna work out for both of us and that my child is growing up without a father. " bothered me. You have already assumed your child will grow up without a father. Just because the father and you are not together doesn't mean your child grows up without a father. He can still be a big participant in the child's life if he chooses to be. You just have to be open to the possibilities. You and he don't have to be together to make that happen. Your hurt may be preventing your from seeing that right now, but you need to learn to put that aside and focus on your child and the coparenting.

Crystal - posted on 01/25/2015




It was a reaction from a first time dad yes deep down its gonna hurt and you might feel that you will never get back from this feeling of hit and betrayal , but you will that little life that's inside of you will help you get past this...now if the mom wants to be apart of your life let her she is the grandmother...but the best advice I can give is cut all communication with him just Untill your heart heals...space is all you need mama member you have a baby inside you can't be putting yourself threw these wild emotions!! Anyway best of luck and god bless

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