Ex-Husband Married and Didn't Have Kids at Their Ceremony?

Jennifer - posted on 01/21/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I'm curious if anyone has experienced this and how they handled it? The background is: our kids live with me 90% of the time and are 9 & 13 (boys) and know their new stepmom very well. She has lived with my ex-husband for the last two years and they see them every other weekend. They told them they were getting married but didn't have them, her kids, or anyone at the wedding. My 13 year doesn't seem to mind but my 9 year old is confused and would have liked to be there. I am not on the best of terms with my Ex so we did not talk about it.

Has anyone had this happen and did your kids just eventually get over it, or was there a lasting affect? Both my boys know they can come talk to me about anything that is bothering them. I'm more concerned about a long term affect vs. how they might be feeling now. They aren't just joining eachother they are joining two families.

As a side note, I am totally fine with their new marriage and don't have anything against his now, new wife. It's the kids I'm concerned about.

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Jodi - posted on 01/21/2013

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When you say they didn't have "Anyone" there, do you mean they literally did not have a wedding? Was it just a civil union, you know, like them and a couple of witnesses? Not a real wedding? I wouldn't call it a wedding if no-one was there.

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Jodi - posted on 01/21/2013

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Yeah, it just came across to me that they may have been married, but not had an actual wedding, in which case, I'd just explain to the kids that people can get married without a wedding too. They are old enough to understand that explanation. It isn't like they didn't "invite" them, it's that they just decided to go and get married without all the hoo-ha.

Ariana - posted on 01/21/2013

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My mom got married without my sister there because my sister refused to go on our holiday to Florida and that's where they got married. She doesn't seem to be scarred for life but it was kind of a lame thing to do.

If they didn't invite her kids or anyone else I don't think it will be incredibly awful. It wasn't like they had a big thing and just didn't invite his kids, they didn't invite anyone.

You could try to explain to your son why and that this isn't a personal thing against him. Even if you aren't on good terms with your ex you could tell him (or have your 9 year old) that the 9 year old is confused about the situation and it would be a good idea for him to talk to him. If you aren't on good terms try to make sure you word everything properly so it doesn't come out sounding wrong/confrontational. It really is just something that needs to be talked out and explained to the 9 year old. I doubt he'll be scarred for life over it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/21/2013

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I agree with Lacye 100%. He really needs to talk with his father. Not that you cannot answer him properly, but if he hears it from his father, he may be able to get over it and have closure.

Lacye - posted on 01/21/2013

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If your younger son is feeling this way, he needs to bring it up with his father. There's not really anything you can do in this situation but their dad can explain why they chose for them not to be there.

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