Ex-Husbands Wife wanting conflict between him and I.

Alexandra - posted on 12/01/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Hello, I am new at this. I hope I can receive some opinions as to why my ex-husbands wife is constantly trying for us to be in some kind of confrontation with each other. This is all through text messages. This the only form of communication between us. The reason I say its her, she has a demanding job where she can be out of town for 6 weeks at a time within those six weeks my ex husband and are civil. The only times we text each other is for school activities that I notify him about and for him to talk to our boys during the week. When I know she is town she comes with him to pick up the boys the next day Ill receive a message about something the boys said or did that they do not agree with. Help!

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Jodi - posted on 12/01/2015

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Personally, I'd ignore it. The children are with them. If they've done something that she is unhappy about, that is between her and her husband and nothing to do with you. My ex used to text me whenever my son misbehaved while on his watch and I honestly just ignored it - it's not my place to discipline my child while being "parented" by the other parent.

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Kristie - posted on 12/02/2015

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Wow I just had a major flashback..... same situation as u..... I could be civil with my ex husband when the wife wasn't around but when she was around omg me n him fought like no other..... but it came down to jealousy on her part.... and she wanted me out of the picture and tried to get him to file for custody... which never happen bc he divorce her after 1.5 being married due to her not keeping her legs closed over in iraq..... but that's besides the point.... he remarried and we still have a great relationship. ..... maybe she just feels threaten by u??

Alexandra - posted on 12/01/2015

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I would love to have that relationship with him to be able to co-parent with him but like Jodi said I feel as if Im being parented by them instead of working together. Once I mention what can we do to address a certain situation involving the boys and I include her (his wife) in the conversation to work as a team all communications stop. They no longer text back for a solution.

Raye - posted on 12/01/2015

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All you can do is try to resolve issues that you feel also need to be resolved, and to ignore all the other negativity. You can't control what the children do when they are not with you. If they do something at their father's, then the father and step-mother need to address the problems with the children. Try to be consistent with the rules and consequences. If the father grounds any of the kids, say from electronics for a week, but you get them back before that time is up... you should keep the grounding in force until the time is up. Likewise, if you have a punishment that would carry over to their house, they should keep it in force until the time is up. But other than that, each parent only has control at their own house.

Alexandra - posted on 12/01/2015

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Yes they come from his phone, but I believe she is the one sending them since the grammar changes from when shes not here to when she is and the text a longer when I think they are from her sending them.

MaryAnn - posted on 12/01/2015

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You cant really attribute his actions to her. The texts come from his phone, yes? Talk to him about it. If shes away that frequently, and your relationship is good, it shouldnt be a problem.

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