ex-in-laws keep hurting my daughter's feelings

Liz Killoran - posted on 07/24/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I divorced my ex because his TBI made him a monster, he frightened my two young children and now both are dealing with PTSD. My ex-in-laws not only denied he was that bad but called me names and spread rumors about me for divorcing. Now 10 years have passed and they are trying to pull me "back into the family" by inviting me places and asking for my help. (Not once did they acknowledge, to my face, that I was right to divorce to protect my children.) Every time they ask me, my daughter says it hurts her deeply, that her pain and what she went through is being brushed aside to try to make things look "good" for them. She wants me to drop them altogether. I don't know how to tell them I can no longer do things with them without giving them the real reason, which they would cringe over and say I don't know how to forgive.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/25/2016

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Scientology? Really?

Liz, just know that Scientology is an even more restrictive cult-like group than some others I could mention.

Therapy is what is needed for your kids, not reprogramming.

Dove - posted on 07/25/2016

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What the heck is it w/ the different people that keep posting websites for advice... ? Kind of weirds me out. I would NEVER click on a link posted here unless it was posted by one of the people I know well....

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/25/2016

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You don't have to give your daughter details. You tell her that you have other plans.

Is she in counseling?

Liz Killoran - posted on 07/24/2016

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I guess I feel guilty, if I tell them No then I would "not be a nice person". I know they have other friends who can do these things for/with them but I feel 'put on the spot' when my ex-MIL asks me and her response is one of sad disappointment.

My daughter finds out because she will ask me to do things with her and I tell her I have to do such-and-such with them.

I guess I started doing things with them out of guilt or self made pressure to be a "nice, forgiving" person. But now I am seeing how much hurt these things are causing my daughter. My daughter is 18 but living at home and going through counseling and treatment for PTSD.

Dove - posted on 07/24/2016

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Unless they are asking you these things directly in front of your daughter you need to leave her out of the details entirely. She doesn't need to be informed of these conversations.

You don't owe them an explanation of why you won't do things w/ them. If it upsets your daughter so much I don't know why you have even started doing things w/ them in the first place. Is your daughter an adult now?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/24/2016

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So why are you sharing your conversations with your daughter?

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