Ex Invited me to Birthday Party for my Daughter

Charles - posted on 10/05/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I need so much help! My Ex wife just invited me to a birthday party she is throwing for my daughter. The Catch. Her new husband is going to be there, and I really don't want to see him. Yes, I am a guy, but guys don't have any good advice. That's why I'm asking you ladies.

9 Comments

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Margie - posted on 10/06/2014

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Be there for the sake of your daughter. Make the day of your daughter. Don't be intimidated w/ the presence of your wife's new husband. Just act the normal way, father do when a daughter is having a bday party. Just enjoy & have fun w/ your princess.

Margie - posted on 10/06/2014

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Just ignore that person who distract your time w/ your kid. Just think that you are there because of your important time to spend w/ your daughter.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/06/2014

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Ok, so your ex is a stupid bitch with no sense.

However, you have a daughter, and the day is about HER, not you, and your triangle. Either show your daughter that adults can react appropriately when required, or show her that she's not important enough for you to be bothered on HER day.

You can show up, be unfailingly polite to your hosts, and spend the rest of the time with your daughter. I'm fairly certain that, as a rational adult, you can pull that off.

If you don't feel you can, be honest with your daughter, tell her that you won't be there because you don't want to see whatshisname, and that you'd rather spend a day with her one on one to celebrate.

Michelle - posted on 10/05/2014

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Think about your daughter, not you. If you make it a big deal you are just hurting her.
My Mum's 3rd husband hated my Father (her 1st husband) and would make a big scene about not being in the same house as my Dad. I was older when he was acting this way but all it did was make him look like a child having a tantrum. It was so bad that he wasn't even invited to my wedding because I wanted my parents there.
I would suggest that you be an adult about it and go. Yes, you're hurt but it will hurt your daughter more if the adults in her life can't all get along. You don't want her to have to choose what adults to invite as she gets older.

Sarah - posted on 10/05/2014

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I think you should go. As hard as it might be, just go. Stay near the people you know and your daughter and leave as soon as it's possible. If there is a way for you all to learn to get together peacefully it will be so much easier for your daughter (and other kids) in the long run. She won't have to worry about who's turn it is to see her or worry about hurting your feelings by not inviting you to special events because she thinks you are unwilling or uncomfortable.
I don't know how old she is, but things like being seen off to dances and school functions, will be less stressful if knows she can just invite you to be part of her life anytime.

Dove - posted on 10/05/2014

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Well... you can either go to the party for your daughter... or let her know that you won't be able to attend, but will do something special to celebrate her birthday just for her.

Those are really the only two logical options.

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2014

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I understand your hurt (admittedly that was not the situation in my case as I moved on WELL after I was already divorced), however....this is not about you. I guarantee to you that your daughter will not see it from your perspective. She will see it as dad not caring enough to come to her party and if he does, dad just causing problems and being sulky about it. You need to put yourself in HER shoes and get over your own issues. I understand you have been hurt and your ex did the wrong thing, but you need to be the adult in this situation and focus on your daughter, not your own hurt.

You haven't said how old your daughter is, but regardless, it is time to put her needs first.

Charles - posted on 10/05/2014

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My Wife broke up the family for this guy, he was also a friend of mine before did this. Getting over a convenant marrige is harder for some God fearing people than others. I have my children as much as the court will allow. I would have them permently if they wanted to do so. Not there yet

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2014

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Get over it? Just a thought. You sound exactly like my ex when my son invited him to his birthday party years ago and my new husband was there. He attended, but he was such an idiot about it, my son NEVER invited him to another birthday party. We are now reaching the 18th birthday in 12 months, and no idea what will happen there. Unfortunately, it isn't my problem, but my son's.

This is one of those "grow up" moments. For the sake of your daughter you have to accept that your ex has moved on and married someone else. Time to mend those bridges. Be thankful that your ex invited you. Clearly she respects that you are in your daughter's life and wants you there. Embrace that. If you read through this site, you will see plenty of women trying to cut their child's father out (I don't agree with that, but it happens a LOT).

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