Ex keeps changing return times with short notice

Michelle - posted on 12/16/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )




I should preface this by saying that I do NOT have a problem with picking up my children earlier, as I would rather them be with me than with some stranger.

This may be more of a control issue on my ex's part than anything, and I do not know how to best handle it.

Per the latest court order, ex is temporarily getting the children 3 weekends each month for 4-5 hours each day. The visits have to be in a public place. Ex tries to communicate with me at every exchange which is why I started having other family members come with me to the exchanges. My lawyer has told him that any communication needs to be done via email, which he was complying with until this latest court order. (Exchanges used to be done at a third party facility.)

Now, he just tells me the morning of or the day before that he needs to change the return time of the kids. I ask for email confirmation, to which he does not reply. Of our last 9 exchanges, he's been an hour late returning the kids to one and changed to an earlier return time for five. This past weekend, he wanted me to pick up the children an hour earlier on Saturday, but after I left to pick up the kids, he called to tell me that he would be about half an hour late. Then, he said he needed to return the kids 30 minutes to an hour earlier on Sunday. When I asked him via email to narrow the time more specifically (so I'm not just sitting out there at the pick up location for half an hour, with another 15 minute grace period), he didn't respond.

Granted, I know in the grand scheme of things, these probably shouldn't be things to get worked up over. At the same time, does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this? I feel like I cannot go anywhere because my schedule is always contingent on his schedule, and I'm "on call" all the time.


Dove - posted on 12/17/2014




I agree w/ Jodi... and if he strands your kids I would think you could take it to court and potentially reduce him to supervised visits only.

Sarah - posted on 12/17/2014




I would go the lawyer way. It does sound like a control thing on his part. And I am with you on doing it because of the kids. I would do the same. I think having your lawyer call him on it and put up the boundary might be a good way to address the issue. I would also document everything as things should be addressed if and when there is another court hearing on visitation.

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2014




Plan what you plan for yourself. DO NOT stop planning anything because he changes things. He shouldn't expect you to do that, and you don't need to do that. If he changes plans at short notice and you already have plans, just say no, you can't do it because you already have another commitment you can't change. Is he phoning you or texting you with the changed arrangements?

Michelle - posted on 12/17/2014




Go and tell your lawyer and get him to send your ex a letter reiterating the conditions (notification in email to any time changes) and that if he doesn't comply you will take him back to court for not following the court orders.


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Michelle - posted on 12/17/2014




Thank you for the responses. I very much appreciate the advice.

Jodi, he tells me in person (or via the person who is with me) at the drop off. When he is running late, he phones me and leaves a voice message since I have him on block (but I still can receive voice messages). I email right away to notify him I received the voice message.

I guess it's because it's the kids and I don't want them to be stranded that I do it.

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