Ex kidnapped son, crossed state lines, HELP

Jordana - posted on 09/13/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My ex and I were together for 7 years, throughout which there were repeated instances of domestic violence. He has violently raped me, shoving his fingers down my throat and choking me to the point that I truly thought I was going to die, he broke the only bones in my body that have ever been broken, and he has hit, pushed, slapped, kicked, and thrown me into, under, and at a vast array of objects, walls, cars, etc. I am relieved to say I am finally out of this relationship; two weeks ago he was arrested for the most recent domestic violence incident but the day after he was released he waltzed into my apartment with a spare key I didn't know he had, and he took our son.

I called the police but because we are both the parents and had no custody order on file, they said he had equal rights to take him. I went to the courthouse and was granted an emergency restraining order including protection of my son, so I can now go retrieve my baby, but the problem is that my ex has taken him across the country and I don't have the means to get there and back.

For the sake of brevity I will try to sum this up as much as possible- through an odd coincidence and series of events, a man who happens to be my husband (though my ex and I were together for 7 years, I was married the entire time to the man I was with right before this ex, so he is still my husband and we have a daughter together) is actually about to travel from the city where my son is being held, to the city where I reside with our mutual daughter. He was already coming out to visit her, just coincidentally. He is more than willing to take my son with him on his trip out here so we can be reunited, and then I only have to pay for the plane ticket for my son to come here, rather than trying to come up with money for 2 tickets there (myself and my daughter) and three tickets back (self, daughter, and son)- this would be perfect, except that I already spoke with the sheriffs in the town my son, husband, and ex are in, and they said they can go pick up my son, based on my protection order, but they can only take him into foster care until I can come and pick him up- they won't release him to my husband without some kind of temporary guardianship order granting my husband guardianship over my son so he can bring him back here.

What can I do??? Should I try to get this guardianship order?? Are there any resources that can help me get all these plane tickets so I can do this myself? Is there some other way for my husband to be able to get my son and bring him back here for me?? Does ANYONE have ANY advice, PLEASE??? My ex is only doing this to hurt me and I'm VERY afraid of what he's going to do to our son. He has drug charges on his record, he was just arrested a few months ago for possession of an illegal firearm, he's kept my son out of school this entire time (about a week now), and he's just generally dangerous. He's also an alcoholic and drug addict- I'm very afraid for my son's safety and I don't know what to do to get him back home even though I do have the custody orders!! I'm at a loss. The police will not compel the district attorney to act against my ex for kidnapping until/unless he misses our next court hearing, October 1st. PLEASE HELP!

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Ev - posted on 09/14/2014

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I have no ideas where you might get cheap plane tickets. Have you tried calling airlines and explaining your situation to see if they might help you out being this is a situation that is an emergency? They might cut you a deal on cost of tickets to and back from where your son is. If not, though foster care would be uncomfortable for him and scary, is he not safer than with his father who is so unpredictable? I would want to know my child is in a safe place and know that he is not in danger with his father who is unpredictable. What would you do if something were to happen before you go there and your son got hurt in some way? I think that their foster care system would be the least of my worries if you are worried about that man and his alcohol and drug addictions and whatever other things he has been into and done. If this man is so unsafe, why leave the boy in his care until you get there? I would think that the sheriff is right; Foster care is a better option for this child's safety.

I just had another thought. If you are wanting to get there that quickly, do you not have any friends, relatives or other close people who can help you get the funds to get there to get your son? Is there anyone who could watch your daughter so you do not have to take her into this too until your return that you trust to take care of her?

Jordana - posted on 09/13/2014

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It's a restraining order granting me temporary custody until our court hearing in a couple of weeks, when a more permanent custody arrangement will be decided on.

I am considering having the sheriffs take him and put him in foster care temporarily but I just don't know.. I don't want to frighten or alarm my son, and foster care would certainly be an uncomfortable and unusual situation for him. My son loves his father, I think it would be scary for him to go from his father to a strange foster home. But my ex is so incredibly irresponsible and dangerous, there's no telling what bizarre and unsafe situations he might put my son in so this is a really sticky situation, I'm not sure which thing is worse. I need to just get there and get my baby, I just don't know how to make that happen. I have SOME money to pay for plane tickets, I just can't afford the outrageous costs that I'm finding for tickets thus far. I need some cheap plane ticket resources or SOMETHING. Please, someone, any ideas??

Amy - posted on 09/13/2014

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I would have the sheriffs remove your son from the current situation because based on what you have stated he would be better in foster care then with the abusive ex. Maybe once he's in foster care someone there will be able to assist in reuniting you.

Ev - posted on 09/13/2014

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I am quite confused right at this point. You said you and the ex had no custody orders for the boy but you got a restraining order with protection for your son and to end this you said you had custody orders? What is it, just a restraining order with protection on your son or custody?

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