Ex Still Confides in Me..

Heather - posted on 02/04/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My husband left me about 4 months ago reasons being he didn't love me and he was unhappy, which I wasn't aware of. Anyway fast forward a few months, he has been talking to me daily about random topics and also confiding in me with some anxiety he has been dealing with. I don't know what to take from this, I figure if he was having a change of heart he would be here and not elsewhere. Does anyone have some insight? I feel very confused and scared to ask incase I scare him away..

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Trisha - posted on 02/06/2015

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My ex was absolutely horrified when i broke contact with him. He still saw me as his best friend, and was mostly upset at losing that relationship. You need to move on for your sake.
I had talked to my ex after, when we were arranging the divorce, and he told me that he went into quite a state of depression after I cut contact that initial time.
It is possible that your ex just doesn't know what he is losing, and he won't...until you let him know by letting him lose it.

Trisha - posted on 02/06/2015

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What does this contact mean to you?
Are you still hoping that there will be a reconciliation? Are you too caught up in still having a friendship/relationship that you are unable to move on?
I had this same situation happen with me with my ex. I ended up getting him that it was not fair to me to have that communication and it hurt too much and I wanted to move on. Almost immediately he panicked and told me he loved me and he missed me.
I had already started seeing someone, so I was able to pull away with the comfort of someone else, but I ultimately think I had the opportunity to get him back.
I don't regret my choice. Yes. I still miss him sometimes, and the fun times we had as it was generally a great relationship, but I wouldn't be where I am now: married with a house, a relationship (yes, that I have to work a lot harder for), pregnant, have a pretty damn good stepson, ready to be a stay at home mom.

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Trisha - posted on 02/07/2015

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Heather, I was with my ex for 9 years. I had to decide to move on within a month of him leaving for my own sanity. He was my best friend, my first everything, but it broke my heart to constantly wish that he would change his mind. I understand that you want different perspectives though. The best of luck to you.

Heather - posted on 02/06/2015

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I'm not so sure there is a time to let go, I think it comes when the person is ready and that will vary based on the person. This is still fresh and I'm not willing to give up on my family yet. I just wanted to know what people thought of the sudden contact after months of no contact and if anyone had experience or insight on that.

Trisha - posted on 02/06/2015

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I still think it is time for you to let go. But, maybe you should just ask him why he is in contact with you when it is not directly related to your daughter? It could be habit, it could be desire for friendship, it could be that he misses you. No point in staying in limbo with these thoughts.

Heather - posted on 02/06/2015

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Unfortunately he will always be in my life because of our daughter. Things have improved since he initially broke it off in October we went from no contact to multiple messages a day.. He said it was over then and we haven't spoke about it since. I do believe it's possible that he is maybe second guessing his decision .

Raye - posted on 02/06/2015

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Heather, the longer you let it go on, the more you will be heartbroken over it. If he said it's over for good, it's over for good, sweetheart. Do yourself a favor and cut him loose.

Heather - posted on 02/06/2015

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I am hoping for reconciliation he says it's over for good but I haven't given up hope. I'm nervous to ask what this means because I don't want to be heart broken all over again if it's not what I want to hear.

Raye - posted on 02/06/2015

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This contact probably means different things to each of you. Talk to him to find out what his expectations are of your new friendship. If you ask him, then at least you will know and might not be holding out for something that could never happen.

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