Ex-wife and her flying monkeys

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Any ladies here who have a hard time with the step children and the ex-wife? I have been with my SO since 2009 and his ADULT children still don't see me as part of the family. When they are around they ALWAYS bring up their mother. All I hear is "Dad remember when" blah, blah, blah. I understand stand having memories but they do it to try to make him think about when they were a family. This is every time they come over. They will make some conversation about when they were a family, show him pictures of their mom, take pictures with him and the grand baby but never include me in any pics. They will take numerous pictures of only him. I feel they do this to make me uncomfortable and to let me know they will never see me as anything. They believe their parents are soulmates and need to get back together. There is another twist. The mother approved of his last girlfriend of 8 years so the kids took a liking to her and still include her in everything in their lives. Although they feel their parents are meant to be, if they can't get them back together then they want him back with her. Not only do I have to deal with them mentioning the ex-wife but also the ex girlfriend. Every holiday they invite us to gatherings which include the exes being there. It's one thing if the ex-wife didn't still have feelings for him but, I'm not attending a gathering where two exes believe he still wants them. When we do run into the ex she is always touching and flirting with him. Makes my blood boil! The ex-wife is best friends with the ex-girl friend and they have pulled some crazy things together to cause problems between us. It's like my life is a joke to these people. His family still has contact with both of them and don't really like me. I'm the bad guy to his family because I helped get him off of drugs and alcohol and quit letting his family take advantage of him when it came to money. My head is scrambled these days because I am angry and stressed out from all of it. Every time I put my guard down something new happens. I am so fed up! It's been 7 years of constant bullshit from his kids and exes. I've done nothing to any of these people and yet their goal in life is to make miserable. Any advice?

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Ev - posted on 08/19/2016

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{{ I have been with my SO since 2009 and his ADULT children still don't see me as part of the family. When they are around they ALWAYS bring up their mother. All I hear is "Dad remember when" blah, blah, blah. I understand stand having memories but they do it to try to make him think about when they were a family. This is every time they come over. They will make some conversation about when they were a family, show him pictures of their mom,}}

You have to understand that the kids will want to remember the good times with their parents and I see nothing wrong with this. It depends on how they do it. IF they are rude when speaking of it and not including you that is entirely different. But they should be able to go over the happy times and it should not make you feel bad because this was and will still be a part of their lives and your husbands. You just can not erase his past with his ex and if he sees nothing wrong with talking about happy times….there is nothing wrong.
However, if they are rude, your husband should be speaking to them.

{ take pictures with him and the grand baby but never include me in any pics. They will take numerous pictures of only him. I feel they do this to make me uncomfortable and to let me know they will never see me as anything.}

This is down right rude. They should be respectful period. Husband needs to address this. But you can not make them include you in photos though.

{{They believe their parents are soulmates and need to get back together. There is another twist. The mother approved of his last girlfriend of 8 years so the kids took a liking to her and still include her in everything in their lives. Although they feel their parents are meant to be, if they can't get them back together then they want him back with her. Not only do I have to deal with them mentioning the ex-wife but also the ex girlfriend.}}

You can not dictate who they spend time with and who they do not. If they have good relationships with those people it is their right to have one with that person.

{{Every holiday they invite us to gatherings which include the exes being there. It's one thing if the ex-wife didn't still have feelings for him but, I'm not attending a gathering where two exes believe he still wants them. When we do run into the ex she is always touching and flirting with him. Makes my blood boil! }}

They include you in the gatherings and you do not go because you think the ex wife and ex GF want him back? It is starting to sound like you are insecure in your relationship with this man.

{{The ex-wife is best friends with the ex-girl friend and they have pulled some crazy things together to cause problems between us. It's like my life is a joke to these people. His family still has contact with both of them and don't really like me.}}

The reason the family has contact with the exes is because these women have a history with his family—one was his wife and one his long time girlfriend. Again, you can not dictate who his family has relationships with.

{ I'm the bad guy to his family because I helped get him off of drugs and alcohol and quit letting his family take advantage of him when it came to money. My head is scrambled these days because I am angry and stressed out from all of it. Every time I put my guard down something new happens. I am so fed up! It's been 7 years of constant bullshit from his kids and exes. I've done nothing to any of these people and yet their goal in life is to make miserable. Any advice?}}
You knew when you got involved with this man what was going on and who his family still had relationships with or you eventually learned. You can not expect people to just stop having relationships with people just because you married this man. All those people have history/past with the guy and his kids and family. If they are okay with the way things are that is their business. You should not let that upset you or bother you. They see that it does and do more to make you feel uncomfortable. My advice is to let go of it and learn to live life to the fullest. You married this man and you wanted him in your life. You also have to take the talk of old times with the ex wife in the stories when the kids are around, you have to put up with the exes being there at holidays or other special events, you have to learn to deal with anything else that comes with being part of the extended family. It is not like you are raising the kids and having to play second fiddle to them. But you are part of a family it seems that has learned to accept and move on from the past where he and his ex wife and ex GF had hard times.

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