Ex wife sends nasty emails, is a compulsive liar and has borderline personality disorder

Joan - posted on 05/17/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi ladies, I'm so relieved to find this forum as I feel I'm losing my mind and my friends who aren't in a similar situation just don't get it. My partner and I recently moved in together and that's driven his ex wife bananas! They're already been divorced 5 years and have kids together. They have a court decreed maintenance plan (he gives her over half his income) but she's constantly asking for more and throwing insults at him for not giving her more. I recently bought a house and we live in my house. He pays the monthly bills (electricity, gas, recycling and internet). Her latest target is me (of course) and she's been emailing him offering to find me a job because in a nutshell - I'm "financially dependent on her family and taking from her kids". She's sent him massive long messages in this vein and has claimed to be telling friends about my dependent situation incase anyone can help. The crafty conniving cow wants to portray her concern and willingness to help but the emails are laced with malicious, nasty undertones. She went on to compare me to her wonderful financially independent partner who would never take from her if it caused the kids "suffering" (The kids have everything they need and are very comfortable I might add). We found out that her wonderful partner doesn't exist. I must say that while I don't have a job (because I've gone back to studying), I'm not financially dependent on him at all and have a significant savings. She, on the other hand depends on social welfare after being fired from her last place of employment.

So my question is: What's the best way to handle a woman like this? My partner feels ignoring her would be most effective but I want him to address these emails. He says she thrives on conflict, is a compulsive liar and has BPD so we should just take the moral high ground and not fuel her behaviour with a response.

I've wasted my entire weekend obsessing and being upset about this and could really do with some advice. Thanks so much.

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Raye - posted on 05/18/2015

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I agree that you should probably leave it alone. Don't fuel the fire. If your partner pays his child support as ordered, he does not need to provide more money to her, and it's none of her business what he does with the rest of his money. So, even if he were supporting you, it's not taking food from her kids mouths, so she has no legal basis for her remarks. She's a petty person, and you don't need to stoop to her level by acknowledging her lies. If you did, it would make it seem like you have something to be defensive about, and you don't.

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Joan - posted on 05/19/2015

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thank you so much for the advice and support. You're right and that's exactly what I'm going to do - ignore her and be happy. :)

Joan - posted on 05/19/2015

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thank you so much for the advice and support. You're right and that's exactly what I'm going to do - ignore her and be happy. :)

Ev - posted on 05/17/2015

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And your boyfriend is right. He has apparently had to deal with this since day one or he would not tell you to leave well enough alone. IF it gets worse let him handle it. It would make matters worse if you were to step in and say something or approach her yourself. It would be best for all concerned.

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