Ex wife troubles:

Cyrstal - posted on 04/30/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

4

0

0

My fiance has and ex-wife, to which he has one child. They were married for a shorter time then I have been with him. (Not that, it matters). None the less, they have a child together (the reason they were married), and they have shared custody. From the moment I have stepped in the picture, it has been nothing but drama. She would give me evil looks and try to talk with my fiance just the two of them. At first I just laughed and gave her dirty looks back, and then she started becoming a problem, when she tried to bring MY children into her crazy drama. Now 5 years later, 2 of which I have been engaged, and I am wondering if it is even worth it. I feel like I have wasted 5 years of my life. 2nd relationship down the toliet. do I hold on or let go? I know she will never change, and the change has to come from my acceptance. But I don't know if I can accept that she will continue to disrupt my life, just cause she can.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 04/30/2014

12,536

0

1354

I agree w/ Shawnn and think you need to stop blaming only this woman for the situation. Your boyfriend is MORE at fault if he doesn't stop the conversation than she is for starting it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/30/2014

13,264

21

2015

Crystal, you are missing my point. If SHE directs the convo to you and your children, HE NEEDS TO SHUT IT DOWN, and steer it back to their children.

If you want to be in this relationship, you need to let your boyfriend know that he needs to step up, and enforce boundaries~!

If he cannot do that, or you are unwilling to put that into his hands, as it should be, then by all means, end the relationship.

7 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 04/30/2014

3,562

36

3907

I actually also agree 100% with Shawnn.

In fact, I will go even further to say that none of your fiance's private conversations are your business - not just the ones with his ex, but the ones with anyone. Would you go through his phone to read his text messages to snoop on his private conversations? Any conversation my husband has with his exes is his business. He often chooses to tell me what they discussed. But that is HIS choice, not my prerogative.

You cannot blame an ex for the trouble in your relationship. Your relationship is between you and your fiance.

I will also add that an "evil look" is merely a perception. Just because you saw it as an evil look, doesn't mean it was intended that way. You've responded to it in a very childish way. "well she did it first" is incredibly primary school. Someone has to take the high road. Clearly it wasn't you.

User - posted on 04/30/2014

1

0

0

Shawnn I think you are missing the point. IF their conversations were in fact about their child, I wouldn't have an issue, but their conversations ALWAYS end up about me and my children. I just wish there was some way to stop the drama. When the conversation directly involves myself and my children, I feel as though I have no choice. I am thinking about seeking some sort of legal council, but I don't think I have any recourse. I believe the only way is for me to back out of the situation, and start again, alone. Maybe I would be happier. I just don't know if I should stay, and try to keep my peace or if I should go knowing that I can't allow all her drama to roll over onto my children. You understand?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/30/2014

13,264

21

2015

Your fiancee is the one who needs to step up and maintain that you and your children are off limits to her.

Sorry, but their private conversations about their kids, and the arrangements pertaining to those kids are NOT your business. Even a judge will tell you that. You can disagree all you want about it, but part of the problem between ex's and new girlfriends is that the new girlfriend demands to be included in something that is not hers to be included in.

My hubby's ex used to try to engage me too. She stopped when I told her that, as I saw the situation, both she and my hubby were immature, and too young to really make a relationship work, and that I would be happy to facilitate any communication between herself, my hubby, and 'their' child (who wasn't his at all, come to find out). She, at that point, backed off and never contacted me again. I killed her with kindness.

Cyrstal - posted on 04/30/2014

4

0

0

I couldn't agree with you more. And trust me, I want nothing to do with the situation. But for some reason, my name is always brought up, and my children are brought up. I am not sure how to stay univolved when it come to my babies. Who aren't babies any more (14 and 12), but they are my babies, and you are talkin to a very protective mama.

I will have to disagree with one part of your post. When my life is disrupted by their conversations, I have every right to their converstations, and frankly their private conversation days are over.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/30/2014

13,264

21

2015

It's tough, but it's doable.

1) you have no business in their conversations. She's got a right to private conversations with her ex regarding their child.
2) Don't take yourself to her level. For every dirty look, a sweet smile is returned. Not catty, just sweet.
3) your children don't need to interact with her. your fiancee needs to make sure that his child is on the same page, rules/punishment wise as yours, and that all are treated the same. If his child is picking on yours, or repeating crap that the ex has said, your fiancee needs to handle it immediately, correct the behaviour and move on.

It is not your job, nor is it your responsibility to interact with her.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms