Excepting a man in my life and feel like he is taking over parenting!!

Chelsea - posted on 04/14/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I could really use any kind of advice right now!! Pls...
I met the most incredible man, it has been 11 months together and I am starting to second guess our lives together due the way he takes control of parenting my son.
I know he loves him, but I feel like he gets frustrated with him to easily. My son is only three years old and has a lot of learning to do and we both want to teach him right from wrong. But my boyfriend thinks I am too soft and don't Discipline him enough. In fact just yesterday he told me he knows how he wants to raise his son and he doesn't want or need any kind of advice!! I feel like I am losing control and all we have been doing is fighting lately. I have been raising my son by
Myself and now I have to back off and let him have some control and I hate it!!! My son is a good boy!! We shouldn't be fighting about this all the time:( please I would love some advice and help.

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Raye - posted on 04/14/2015

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Here is my opinion: ALL parental units should strive to be on the same page... whatever the combination of bio and step parents that are in the equation. Rules should be as consistent as possible wherever the kids happen to be at the time. However, there are certain legalities that are involved with step-parents... usually meaning they have NO legal standing with these children. So, (noting that there are exceptions to every rule) generally speaking the bio parents should have the majority of say in the decision making and discipline of the child. The stepparents should support the natural parents decisions and follow their guidelines with raising the kids. Step-parents should LOVE and nurture the kids as if they were their own, but since disciplinary styles can be different, the step should defer to the natural parent's method of punishment, and most times let the natural parent carry out said punishment. I am a step-mom, and this approach has worked for us.

If your BF has to assert his manhood and overshadow you, then he's the one with the problem. It's okay for him to disagree with you and talk to you about his feelings on parenting, and you should listen and try to accept SOME of his suggestions. But he should not take it upon himself to go against your wishes. Ultimately it is YOUR child and YOUR decision on how he's raised. Should anything happen with the step parent abusing the child or something horrible like that, in the eyes of the law, it is still the parent's fault for putting the child in that situation. Your BF needs to understand that it's nothing personal against HIM, it's just that it does need to be your decision on how he's raised.

You should also think about whether or not you want to have other kids with this man. If you're fighting about it now, then he WILL assert more of his will when the child is part his, too. So, you really need to get on the same page NOW, before things progress any further.

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2015

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I don't know, maybe it would be better for the discipline to be your job. That way you can demonstrate the way you've been disciplining your son until now. Over time, he can model your methods and contribute to that component of parenting. For now, let him work on bonding with your son.

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Chelsea - posted on 04/14/2015

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He is not his biological father but we are engaged. Every time I tell him he is doing to much of the disciplining. He gets defensive and says that he does not want any part of the disciplining that he will back right off. I don't want him to back right off, I would just like us to be on the same page.

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2015

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I am not sure I understand, is your boyfriend the biological father? If not, tell him to back off.

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