EXHAUSTED AND EXLOSIVE MOM

Kimberley - posted on 11/25/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Dear Moms, I'm a single mom (48 years old) of a 5 year old girl. I'M EXHAUSTED. I have no family to help out, and so far my daughters friends parents never offer for her to come and do a playdate at their house or watch her. I have hosted playdates many times, and I'm a single parent. I've had pneumonia twice in the last two years, need a hip replacement within a year (pain!), just getting over pertussis (although vaccinated for it when I was pregant)---Just deeply to the core worn out! My daughter is very energetic, animated, fun, musical, and verbal. She however does not listen to instructions or directions from me or her kindergarten teacher. It's getting worse each week. I'm finding myself exploding with anger after telling her 5 times + that it is NOW time to get clothes off and get in the shower. I know she is exhausted after a FULL day ( I work until 5:30 and pick her up at 6:00 3 days per week), but she seems to talk NON-STOP to herself and totally tune out me or anyone in authority giving her instructions.
O.k.--so maybe some of this is normal for her age. But I AM NOT HANDLING it well at all. I'm so exhausted, and my wick for exploding does not even exist. After asking her many times to do something close up and in her face and calmly. After asking her at least 3 times, I try to walk away, and breathe to calm myself down, but I end up not able to wait more than a few minutes before exploding and yelling at her or taking a toy away, which causes a GIGANTIC drama of her crying hysterically. I try to hold and calm her, she only pushes me away. I try to sit and listen quietly until I'm maxed out of her screaming and painfully crying (it's not just an act, she is really deeply sad.) I then feel my anger rising fast again, and then tell her enough is enough and she must get in the shower now. (by the way, she knows what to do and how.) I'm asking for help!!!! I don't have money for therapy. I am so so incredibly exhausted and yet I know I need help regulating my anger at her non-compliance of many things, in the morning and at night. I absolutely hate myself for yelling at her, for any spankings Iver given her, for handling her too strongly to guide her into her timeouts or into the shower. I've been to rough, and it is so not ME. I've lost respect for myself, and feel like a HORRIFIC mother. PLEASE HELP. Thank you!
P.S. I've tried time-outs, light butt spankings, taking away puff balls, toys, etc. All just leaves us both deeply sad and angry, and does not work.
BTW She sleeps 10-11 hours per night.

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Gena - posted on 11/25/2014

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And you are not a horrific mother!! You just feel helpless,and i think all of us moms have felt that way at some point or another. Its because we love our children and want the best for them...and thats not being horrific! Try not to be hard on yourself. Oh and have you tried making a starchart? Make one together with your daughter, for example brushing teeth on time,showering on time,getting clothes on on time,cleaning up,listening to mommy,good behavior..for all those things if she does it well she can get a star. If she gets all stars for a week she may get a small treat.

Gena - posted on 11/25/2014

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I dont really know what advice to give. But one thing i would like to say,when it comes to playdates..tell her friends mother that it would be nice if she would have a playdate at her house and that she watches the kids! I was too kind in the summers and was looking after all the neighbors kids outside even giving them ice cream,snacks,drink and even letting them use our bathroom. I was so fed up because the parents of the children never came to help me,and never even said thank you. I posted here and i got the great advice to stop giving the children food and that they can go home to use the bathroom. Also i have spoken to some mothers and told them they can come have a coffee and help me watch the kids. I have changed now and i dont let them use me as a free babysitter.
Maybe you could even tell your daughters friends mother that you need some help?Maybe she could help you abit by looking after your daughter so that you can get some rest?

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