expecting single mom

Tiffany - posted on 11/23/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and i got into an argument today and i am more conservative then im finding him to be. I found pages of porn in his phone and i told him its either me or that. And he chose the porn saying im being childish and its life. Hes moving out today and i just have a part time job. What do i do?! I cant afford everything on my own! And im scared!

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[momoftwo] - posted on 11/23/2013

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I know, like I tell everyone, don't pay attention to what he's doing just focus on your baby and your well-being because my ex was the same way. Worried about spending money all the time on his self. He was also an alcoholic.. he would buy a 24-case of beer, bottle of jager, Capitan Morgan and a bottle of wisers whiskey every day (the wisers alone was $50)...so thank god his parents took us in. And thank god that loser is out of our life. We don't need guys like that, they never end up growing up anyway.

I was also 16 when I had her so mine wasn't planned either. She was a surprise gift :) and even if I could turn back time I would still have her. She'd 5 now so I'm 22 too :P ....And the man I'm with now, we have a son together and he is the most loyal man I have ever seen. And I hope you leave that guy and find the same kinda guy.


P.s: I read the part to my guy about how you found porn and how he said you were childish and my guy laughed because he thinks he's a douche too, you deserve better.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/23/2013

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I agree with Michelle.
And my ex was the most disgusting pig when it came to how obsessed with porn he was so ditch that guy. Porn is so degrading so definitely get a man that only has eyes for you and trust me, they do exist! I'm with one now as well:)

Michelle - posted on 11/23/2013

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You sound very young, maybe he's not ready to grow up and be a man and stand up to his family.
Unfortunately, if that's the way he has been brought up, you can't change him. He must have been like this from the start though. I have been there and believe me, you are better off without men like that. You also don't want your child thinking that women should be treated that way.
You deserve to find a man that is your equal and will treat you like a princess. They are out there, I found mine. I did kiss a few toads along the way though and even married one. I guess that's why I sound so harsh.
Do you have any family around that can help you?

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LalaBoom - posted on 11/25/2013

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That's why ultimatums rarely work. They are not delivered correctly, and the situation usually doesn't warrant such drastic measures.

Having said that, I understand where you are coming from. Except, I grew up in a religious household and thats where my "anti-porn" stance originated from.

My questions to you:

Does his watching porn during his own time get in the way of your intimate relationship? And, does the porn-watching hinder his ability to keep up with responsibilities?

I can't say "porn is nothing," because to you- it obviously is. But maybe you can consider whether his watching porn completely negate any redeemable qualities he has.

Tori Dee - posted on 11/23/2013

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You have to realize that just because he watches porn doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you or he loves you any less. I had the same issue with my husband until I realized that honestly, you have to choose what your willing and not willing to deal with. That's with ANYBODY you are with. The next person is going to do something you don't agree with.. That's just the way it goes but if thats what your deal breaker is then that's understandable. I'm just m saying to make
sure you want to end everything just for that but trust me I know how you feel .. Hope everything works out! :)

Tiffany - posted on 11/23/2013

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Im 22 this pregnancy was unplanned but not unwanted. It just seems like hes changing right before my eyes. Hes more worried about going out then saving up, and modifying his car. My last relationship i took care of my exs two children loved them to death and i know its still going to be hard i just wish that he would realize this

Tiffany - posted on 11/23/2013

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I did try to talk to him and he doesnt get it. His family's views are that women should be barefoot pregnant and in the kitchen

Tiffany - posted on 11/23/2013

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It had been an on going thing then he promised me he would stop, he had for awhile, that i knew of. I didnt tthink he would actually chose that over me and his baby, this was an unplanned but wanted pregnancy. His freinds have alot of influence on him also saying he doesnt need to be home that he can flirt and go party with whoever and whenever he wants and that i shoulf stay home, since we found out thats all it has been

Michelle - posted on 11/23/2013

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How long has he been watching it for?
If it has been a while, has it affected your relationship before now?
I don't think giving him an ultimatum like that was good for yourself or your child. There are bigger problems in life and relationships that can drive 2 people apart and if you are going to split up over something trivial then you obviously weren't meant to be together.
Maybe you should have talked things through instead of just giving him the ultimatum straight up.

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