Exs new girlfriend moved into his home without meeting my daughter

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

My ex husband told me he was moving in his girlfriend of on and off of 4 years who has never met my 14 yr old daughter . He won't tell me her last name . My daughter used to spend every other weekend there and two weeks in the summer . She has her own room there . He now is telling me he can't afford and extras like splitting the cell phone extra nicer clothes , extra school supplies her allowance . My daughter does not like her she dosent knock when entering her room etc. Because there was no established relationship my daughter feels pushed aside for this woman . He no longer spends anytime alone with her . When my daughter tried to tell my ex how she feels he exploded and said some things a father should never say to his daughter . She dosent want to go there anymore and had told him in text why . She's not speaking to him via text or phone any longer . He can reach her on my house phone or my cell phone since I'm the only one paying for her phone which is 85.00 a mth . Can I block him off her phone ? Can I ask for his girlfriends last name by law ? I would like to do a background check on her . My ex claims he makes less now but he has another full time working person living with him does that make a difference to the court ? I live on Long Island in nys

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Ev - posted on 09/09/2016

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I had to say something here. The other ladies are right.
1) Your daughter does not need extravagant things such as an iPhone.
2) You can entertain your daughter over the weekend and on holidays without spending money--get movies at the library, make popcorn, and buy soda in a two liter bottle and get some candy===MOVIE NIGHT! Read a good book, go to a free museum in the area,
3) Your ex is your ex for a reason. How he lives his life is not your business is it? Who he has around the child is not your business either. You can not ask for her full name nor can you do a background check on her. If you have concerns about her being a danger to your child call CPS.
4) Her income has nothing to do with his ability to pay child support or for extras. If he had been court ordered to do the extra stuff for school and other things on top of child support that would be different than actually doing it beyond his doing so because he can. If he has lost income then he needs to go to court to have it changed.
5) Maybe it is time to start living within means and not over doing things.
6) If you had not wanted other women around your daughter you should have had something added in during custody and so forth.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/09/2016

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Oh good grief! Start living within your means, for God's sake! NO KID, NO MATTER HOW OLD, NEEDS AN IPHONE OR DESIGNER CLOTHING.

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2016

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Even though you ran away...the GF income will not affect your child support. Her money is her money, not your daughter's

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2016

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Not necessarily, he may now have more bills.
If there is such a problem then go to court. Let a judge decide.

ETA: Maybe he has bought himself a boat or something and now can't afford all the "extras".
Your daughter doesn't NEED an Iphone, like I said, my son has an android phone and it doesn't even cost $30 a month.
Get the priorities straight.

[deleted account]

My ex husband and his family are very well off and my daughters phone is comparable with other plans . She has an iphone since she's 8 and he has never had a problem with anything since his girlfriend WHO WAS A STRANGER to my daughter moved into her other home . He used to spend some time alone this woman walks into her room without asking and has no social graces whatsoever . I feed my daughter organic food they feed her Mac and cheese and Wendy's and candy apples . We just finished paying 7,000 for braces . If my daughter was happy I wouldn't have an issue . My ex husband has become verbally abusive to my daughter and she no longer wants to go there . If he was living with another full time working adult shouldn't his financial situation gotten better than worse ? Think about that .

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2016

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All of that doesn't matter. He isn't abusing her.
Go to court and get your orders adjusted. There's nothing you can do about the girlfriend.
You didn't answer why her phone is so much though. I feel that you can actually cut back on buying her things. She doesn't need nicer clothes, an expensive phone and things like that.
If he had lost his job and couldn't pay for things would you still be this peeved?

[deleted account]

Since she won't go there anymore it has cost me more to entertain her on the weekends and holidays that were his . There is a law called Sarah's law I'm looking into . I think it's appalling that his girlfriend as a mother of a college freshman girl would move into his home without meeting his daughter . Did they both not see any emotional backlash from this ? Smh and her dad should have thought of HIS DAUGHTERS EMOTIONAL WELL BEING BEFORE HIS GIRLFRIENDS NEEDS. She needed to move in with him so she can pay for college and her daughte

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2016

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In relation to the questions at the end:
It's wise not to block him from her phone, that could be seen as parental alienation.
No, you can't ask for her last name by law.
No, you don't need to do a background check on her.
You have no say in how your ex chooses to live and that includes who he chooses to have a relationship with. You aren't together so it's none of your business.
Your Daughter does have a right to be peeved at her Dad though. She is at an age that she can have a say in if she spends time there or not.
Why is her phone so expensive? All she needs is a basic phone and you can get a pre-paid account. Not even my plan is that much a month!!! My 15yo son has a smart phone and I put $30 a month onto it and he doesn't even use it all. There is no need to be spending that amount a month, you are spoiling her.

Is he paying child support? If he is then that's all he has to pay. His living arrangements and what money he has left at the end of the week is of no concern to you. If you want him to be paying for half of her bills then go to court and see if a judge will agree with you. Probably not since that is what child support is for.

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