MarieMarie - posted on 07/25/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )
Hi, Im new to this but I really get tired of talking to my family members because they have judge my current situation from day one.
Okay when I was 16 I met a guy that I feel in love with, I felt at that young age we had a lot in common and shared alot of similar intrested. When I turned 18 I officially gave my virginity to him. We ended up breaking up for reasons I never knew. He never bothered to call me for almost a year. I ended up graduated from highschool and began my first year as a freshman in college. Through a mutual friend he managed to get a hold of my dorm number and gave me a call. I was so baffled by why we broke up and intrigued by his sudden reinterest in me. As to seek me out the way he did. I always believe in the motto "You set something free and it comes back than 'maybe' it was meant to be."..Being a Freshman I had no car at the time and neither did he. He never graduated and dropped out of school because he could never focus for some reason. He also would blame others for his lack of suceess...(First bad sign/ That I was oblivious too at that age and infatuated stage)....Anyways I Ended up meeting up with him shortly after his phone call and after long conversations we asked me to please be with him again. I felt I still loved him and decided to give it another shot
My boyfriend always convinced me that he wasnt with me for my money or my looks because looks would fade and money didnt last. He always spoke of new aspirations and goals for himself and I felt that despite his lack of education I could still love him and we could hopefully build a future together.He had a few bad habits like his weed smoking that I thought I could tolerate and accept. At the start of my Sophmore year I recieved a nice amount of financially aid back to get an apartment. I wanted a solid relationship and a world only for me and him....Little did I know that after months of living at the apartment our very first violent arguments would start. He would break things of mines that I had since childhood, call me names and ultimately make me fear being without him. However despite his abuse I felt that everyone deserved to be loved and thought counceling would help our relationship.
(Sorry for length)
Our relationship never made alot of since to me, we would fight he would beg me not to leave him, I would leave him and come back. It was as if I felt trapped. In the mist of this we managed to lose 3 more apartnemts. We went from being best friends, thanksgiving dinner with the families, special events and cook outs with the family, walking hand in hand, having tickle fights, cooking dinner together, spending late nights laying in the bed talking till we fell asleep....To Finding out we were pregnant this year. I had a job, he had a job we both had money coming in an we had a brand new apartment with a second bedroom we dedicated to our unborn due next month. (time frame for this was in APRIL)..However there was numerous trust issues within our relationship alot caused by him. As he had cheated on me with a ex-neighborhood fuck buddy 2 years back. I never really got over as much as I tried. I tried to be everything that I thought a guy would appreciated. I was his cheerleader, I was his motivator, I always advise him to further his education (He still has no GED).....We ended up losing our apartments in being placed in our current situation we are in now. I had to move back to my dad, he moved back to his mom...For the next three months of my pregnancy we have argued on the phone, he has called me several derogatory names, blasted me on Facebook to his friends and Family as a cheating whore and even went as far as to post a paragraph about me sleeping with imaginary men and that the child that I carry is not his....I may have been many things but a cheating woman I have never been or raised up on. I never believe in throwing away what was broken, but try to fix it. I was raised by my father and he was a single parent and he was raised by his mother as she too was a single parent. Our lives were similar but my father pushed me to be a independent person....
In the long run I am on the verge of delivering his and mine first baby (A girl) and he says he wants nothing to do with me. He doesnt trust me. His life is drama free with out me and all he wants his contact about his child.....However I neither want anything romantically to do with him..He broke my heart with walking in and out of my life and now I fear he will do that this the baby. He stop coming to my ob appointments when I was 6 months pregnant and when we talk on the phone to be civil about the baby and plans for the baby...He uses that as his opportunity to bash me, call me names and blame me for everything that went wrong with our relationship and remind me how worthless I am....
I feel like I have no controll and I am pretty tired of involving him in my life and toying with my emotions. He lies and says he is coming to things he doesnt even bother to cancel for or show up...We are not together. Why does he need to lie to me?? He broke up with me, why does he need to keep reminding me about a failed relationship? When he makes plans to be at ob appointments or anything invvoliving the baby why does he try to punish me because I am no longer his lover?
I see myself being a single mother and my child hasnt even been born yet. I feel like a rug and he gets a kick out of walking over me and holding this baby over my head?
I think I want child support?..Sometimes I think about not calling him when my water breaks.