FAILED RELATIONSHIP

MarieMarie - posted on 07/25/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

17

0

2

Hi, Im new to this but I really get tired of talking to my family members because they have judge my current situation from day one.

Okay when I was 16 I met a guy that I feel in love with, I felt at that young age we had a lot in common and shared alot of similar intrested. When I turned 18 I officially gave my virginity to him. We ended up breaking up for reasons I never knew. He never bothered to call me for almost a year. I ended up graduated from highschool and began my first year as a freshman in college. Through a mutual friend he managed to get a hold of my dorm number and gave me a call. I was so baffled by why we broke up and intrigued by his sudden reinterest in me. As to seek me out the way he did. I always believe in the motto "You set something free and it comes back than 'maybe' it was meant to be."..Being a Freshman I had no car at the time and neither did he. He never graduated and dropped out of school because he could never focus for some reason. He also would blame others for his lack of suceess...(First bad sign/ That I was oblivious too at that age and infatuated stage)....Anyways I Ended up meeting up with him shortly after his phone call and after long conversations we asked me to please be with him again. I felt I still loved him and decided to give it another shot

(Juicey part)

My boyfriend always convinced me that he wasnt with me for my money or my looks because looks would fade and money didnt last. He always spoke of new aspirations and goals for himself and I felt that despite his lack of education I could still love him and we could hopefully build a future together.He had a few bad habits like his weed smoking that I thought I could tolerate and accept. At the start of my Sophmore year I recieved a nice amount of financially aid back to get an apartment. I wanted a solid relationship and a world only for me and him....Little did I know that after months of living at the apartment our very first violent arguments would start. He would break things of mines that I had since childhood, call me names and ultimately make me fear being without him. However despite his abuse I felt that everyone deserved to be loved and thought counceling would help our relationship.

(Sorry for length)

Our relationship never made alot of since to me, we would fight he would beg me not to leave him, I would leave him and come back. It was as if I felt trapped. In the mist of this we managed to lose 3 more apartnemts. We went from being best friends, thanksgiving dinner with the families, special events and cook outs with the family, walking hand in hand, having tickle fights, cooking dinner together, spending late nights laying in the bed talking till we fell asleep....To Finding out we were pregnant this year. I had a job, he had a job we both had money coming in an we had a brand new apartment with a second bedroom we dedicated to our unborn due next month. (time frame for this was in APRIL)..However there was numerous trust issues within our relationship alot caused by him. As he had cheated on me with a ex-neighborhood fuck buddy 2 years back. I never really got over as much as I tried. I tried to be everything that I thought a guy would appreciated. I was his cheerleader, I was his motivator, I always advise him to further his education (He still has no GED).....We ended up losing our apartments in being placed in our current situation we are in now. I had to move back to my dad, he moved back to his mom...For the next three months of my pregnancy we have argued on the phone, he has called me several derogatory names, blasted me on Facebook to his friends and Family as a cheating whore and even went as far as to post a paragraph about me sleeping with imaginary men and that the child that I carry is not his....I may have been many things but a cheating woman I have never been or raised up on. I never believe in throwing away what was broken, but try to fix it. I was raised by my father and he was a single parent and he was raised by his mother as she too was a single parent. Our lives were similar but my father pushed me to be a independent person....

In the long run I am on the verge of delivering his and mine first baby (A girl) and he says he wants nothing to do with me. He doesnt trust me. His life is drama free with out me and all he wants his contact about his child.....However I neither want anything romantically to do with him..He broke my heart with walking in and out of my life and now I fear he will do that this the baby. He stop coming to my ob appointments when I was 6 months pregnant and when we talk on the phone to be civil about the baby and plans for the baby...He uses that as his opportunity to bash me, call me names and blame me for everything that went wrong with our relationship and remind me how worthless I am....

I feel like I have no controll and I am pretty tired of involving him in my life and toying with my emotions. He lies and says he is coming to things he doesnt even bother to cancel for or show up...We are not together. Why does he need to lie to me?? He broke up with me, why does he need to keep reminding me about a failed relationship? When he makes plans to be at ob appointments or anything invvoliving the baby why does he try to punish me because I am no longer his lover?

I see myself being a single mother and my child hasnt even been born yet. I feel like a rug and he gets a kick out of walking over me and holding this baby over my head?

I think I want child support?..Sometimes I think about not calling him when my water breaks.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lacye - posted on 07/27/2013

889

0

221

While you are pregnant, you are not required to give him any information. But if you want to try to discuss this civilly, yay you! First thing, stop taking his shit. He has no right to talk down to you. If he starts in on how worthless you are, show him how worthless he is and just hang up on him. You are pregnant and you don't need the stress. Second, if you don't want him to be at the hospital when the baby is born, then you better let it be known. While you are in labor, you don't need to have somebody in there bitching you out. You need a support system. You need someone in there that is going to help you, not scream at you. Third, as soon as that baby comes out, ask for a social worker and you tell them you want child support. After that get a lawyer and file for custody. Don't wait for him to make the first move. I don't know the guy, he could treat his daughter completely different than he treated you, but with what you have said, you need to have something legally written down and sent through the court system. That's just my opinion.

6 Comments

View replies by

MarieMarie - posted on 08/09/2013

17

0

2

Thank you, now I am at the point of delivering her any day now...I have tried to cut off communication with him. He waits several days then will text me something like "How is the baby?"....He has two faces and once I think he is being mature I slip up and respond. His next response will be "Once you have her I will go on with my life because I think you have other male friends who can be there for you."...Now I am at the point where that I am just debating wheter I should allow him the honor of seeing her born or take that moment away from him. I dont want things to be bitter for her and his relationship because of my feelings. But I really dont want someone to come there and laugh or yell at me. Im not sure if he will do any of this or even show up for that matter....smh...This situation has become so stressful.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2013

3,518

36

3906

If you want her financially taken care of, file for child support. I'm not sure where you live, but wherever it is, find out how to go about it. Here in Australia, it is the matter of filling in a form and sending it to the Child Support Agency. In other countries, you may need to file in court for a decision. Whatever it is, get it done. Then he is required to provide for her financially by law.

MarieMarie - posted on 07/27/2013

17

0

2

Thank you, You are very right I do allow him to provoke me and I think at times it entertains him to see me upset. I just been really ate up by the fact that I was a very loyal and devoted woman to him and he has belittled me to his family and freinds as if I meant nothing. I feel like I gave up alot and now he can bounce from one woman to another because he feels he will always have me...I just dont feel the same way about him anymore and at times I dont respect him but I only want to do what is right for our child and make sure that she is financially taken care of especially if he is going to play 'disappearing acts'.

Jodi - posted on 07/26/2013

3,518

36

3906

Ok, firstly, child support and visitation/custody are two different issues. So don't think that if he doesn't see the child, he won't have to pay. He will.

HOWEVER, he has the right to a relationship with his child, and the child has a right to a relationship with its father. If he decides to take you to court for visitation, he will win. You can't base his rights to visitation on how he treated you. Your "romantic" relationship is over. However, your co-parenting relationship is not. Your co-parenting relationship is now a lifetime commitment (I think sometimes people fail to understand this when they have children). FOREVER. It might be time to start getting used to that idea. I would be getting myself a lawyer in your shoes and getting that established.

What you need to do is learn to take a step back and ONLY discuss the child with him. Nothing else. Do NOT discuss why your relationship failed. Do NOT discuss the nasty things you did to each other. Do NOT assign blame (because let's face it, it usually takes two). Just stop. Make it about the child and ONLY the child. You can't control what he chooses to do, but you can control how you respond to it. Why do you think he punishes you and says these things? Because you REACT and get UPSET! You play right into his mind games. You need to stop. Then he will stop.

If you are finding you can't do this, I would suggest counselling to help you build the skills to be able to step back out of the situation and focus only on the co-parenting side of things. At the moment, your emotions are in the way of you being able to do this.

MarieMarie - posted on 07/25/2013

17

0

2

Oh Sorry I forgot to add that I am 22 years old now and that I now find myself Battling for my self respect and dignity with this guy....

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms