Falling in love with BFF's husband--HELP!

Steampunk - posted on 07/28/2013 ( 40 moms have responded )

11

0

0

I've spent the last two weekends with my BFF and her family. We've known each other a decade and a half. I consider them family. But I am developing romantic feelings toward her husband. He and I have always been confidants as our personalities are much more alike than his and hers or hers and mine. And he's always been very touchy-feely with me. But the last two weekends were subtly different. My BFF kept coming up for reasons why he and I should be alone. And she kept encouraging him to be physically affectionate with me. I just drove home very, very confused.
I do not fall in love easily. I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused as a child. I trust a small handful of people (including my BFF and her husband). I don't sleep around either. I am demisexual and need an emotional attachment to feel desire. It is very rare for me to "get wound up" or feel moony. I didn't even trust myself to have a glass of wine in his presence last night.
What do I do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Shari - posted on 07/31/2013

1

0

0

Hi Steampunk. It seems to me that your friend feels bad for you and doesn't want you to feel left out when you are over so she encourages her husband to show you attention as well. In a weird way, it's almost like she wants to share her husband with you to a certain extent (for example, him giving you attention and light affection.) Some people are just really oblivious to other peoples feelings. I think that she is just trying to help you in the best way that she knows how. Maybe she feels like her sister's (or bff) keeper. She probably assumes that it will make you feel better when it is actually making you uncomfortable and confused. When a person is feeling lonely or has been abused it is very easy to begin to have feelings for someone that seems to be filling a void. Deep down everyone wants to be loved and when a friend shows love you can make it romantic in your head when he may not intend for it to come off that way. So often women romanticize married man. They only see the good and have no clue what it is like to be with that person all of the time. It is important to understand that most of the things that you like most about that person are brought out by his spouse. In most cases, that man wouldn't be who he is had be not been married to that woman. The reality is that it may be very different if he were with you. So please don't allow yourself to fantasize about what it would be like to be with him because that is not reality. First I feel that you should let your friend know that you understand that she cares for you and wants you to feel loved because she knows about your past, but you don't feel comfortable when she asked her husband to touch you in certain ways. Let her know that you respect the both of them and their marriage and don't feel that it's appropriate. Then let her know that you don't think that you should stay over for a while. Limit your contact with them until you are able to deal with your past and heal. Your messages seem like you are still very hurt, which I can totally understand. I'm not sure what your spiritual beliefs are but these are wounds that you need to deal with on a much deeper level. You can't just put them in a box and hide it away because they will always come out at the worst times. You didn't deserve what happened to you. You are good and worthy of love. You can feel whole by yourself. Once you are able to do that God will send you someone that will love you the way that you deserve to be loved. I'm praying for you, your strength and your healing. God bless.

Casey - posted on 07/30/2013

38

12

0

This is strange to me because it just happens to me, only I was the married woman. My husband doesn't have many friends that he spends a lot of time with, but a few months ago he had been inviting his good friend over more and more. Sometimes three to five days in a week. I became really good friends with him myself. We joked and talked about everything, even girls he was seeing. He became down on his luck, his wife cheated on him-he caught her, they seperated, he hated only seeing his kids a few times a week, he was laid off from his job and eventually was evicted from his house. We offered him a place to stay, but he said he would be better off living w his sister. We thought nothing of it and said anytime he needed time away from her two teenagers he could stay with us. As he was over a lot anyway watching sports w my husband and myself, it just made sense. He did while he helped with our remodel. One day I received a text from him saying that he should probably stay away for awhile. When I asked why he told me that he had started having feelings for me. I just brushed it off, and kind of ignored it. I told him that he was just at a weird time in his life. We kept hanging out. We were really good friends and he helped out with things like picking my daughter up from school. He was like family. While all of this was happening, my husband and I were kind of going through some things. He works a lot, and we hardly see each other because I work on his days off. It seemed like sometimes we didn't spend time together for months when he wasn't interrupted w a call or text from work. I felt like I was the least important person in the world to him. That was really hard for me because we were always best friends and there for each other through everything since we were teenagers. So I started confiding in his friend-or my friend at that point. We talked and he helped me through a lot. He did start telling me how beautiful and funny and blah blah blah I was. I just told him to chill. I was confused enough with everything going on between my husband and I. One day (I guess I should have seen it coming, but I just didn't think of myself as a woman anymore. I felt more like a maid that no one needed unless they were hungry), he walked up to me and told me he was in love with me. I was puzzled. I spent the in such a confused foggy igsistance that I had to try one last time to get through to my husband. I told him one last time how I felt unimportant to him, and that I wanted to spend more time w him. He just wasn't hearing it so after what felt like the millionth time saying that I didn't want to be with someone who didn't love me, I told how confused I was and I couldn't even talk to anyone about it because one of my friends told me they had feelings for me. He knew who it was. The look on his face was different than any I had seen before. It was like it finally occurred to him that he wasn't the only option and I was choosing to be with him everyday. He has yet to speak to our friend even though nothing really happened between us, and now I lost my friend. I would do it all again though because I finally got my husband back.
The point is, the easiest one to cut out of the three of you is you. If you act on any of the feelings you have toward him, you could lose more than anyone else in this situation.

Kimmynyc - posted on 08/01/2013

2

0

1

Distance yourself. Stay away from the situation at all costs. I would say see your friend only. (But if you can't stop thinking of him if you see her, you may need to end the friendship with her as well). Do not spend time with them as a couple and no time with him alone. Even as a couple the time you are spending with them sounds damaging. It is impossible to know their real motives or if they are even fully conscious of them, just based on your speculation alone, but will be damaging to the relationship to make overt. Whatever their real feelings are, whether there is romantic or sexual interest on their part, or not, or mind games, or seemingly helpfulness but with disregard to your your past, or whether you are misreading the situation, the whole thing is toxic. There are strange issues going on with these people (unless you are misreading it), disingenuousness or dishonesty, duplicity,difficult to know. At this point they are the main actors and you are responding to them and being drawn in--you are in a passive, dependent position. It's also possible that your attraction to him unconsciously stems from his inaccessibility (married). This would be part of a defensive coping survival behavior. (Children who are not loved often are unable to get close/feel close to the opposite sex and choose partners who are emotionally unavailable as this either this is less threatening or they may crave rejection because it is an emotional holding pattern.) What you need to do is to seek therapy for your childhood, you probably won't be able to overcome without it, but you need a good trustworthy therapist who specializes in sexual and physical abuse and who will give you advice and concrete plans. (try cognitive behavior therapy--cbt) which is a pro-active. Then you will feel more emotionally secure and in a position to strike out on your own.

Amber - posted on 08/01/2013

24

0

0

May be you should talk to your friend. Let her know how much she means to you and that you enjoy. spending time with them. Then let her know that all of the attention from her husband is starting to confuse you. You might be surprised at what she says.

Deborah Ridgely - posted on 08/03/2013

59

0

7

Talk to your BFF on the phone about this and tell her you are not comfortable with the way things went, and be specific. Yes, if she is truly your BFF she will not mind being confronted. I suspect that she could be dying of some disease and planning for her husband's future. If she does not confirm this possibility, you need to drop them like a stone! It does not sound like they are truly your best friends. It sounds like you are normal and have good morals in a time whsn so few people do! Find some other friends who are not so wierdly kinky! I pray God helps you and you seek his wisdom in your life decisions. Blessings!

40 Comments

View replies by

Navette Doman - posted on 08/12/2013

3

0

0

What should you do?

You know what you should do but since you want us to spell it out for you then we are glad to help. First, as the world changes so do people, maybe they want to have a threesome. You said she kept encouraging him to be physically affectionate with you but could this be your imagination? (you did not cite an example of this 'encouragement') The title "falling in love with my BFF's husband" indicates to me that you are the one wanting to be with him more than your BFF encouraging you to be.

Some women will do anything to make their single girlfriends comfortable around their husbands and maybe that's what your friend is doing. Her husband, like many men will take just remember that if you do not give he won't take.

Please do not make the mistake of hurting people who trust you. Remember that when the men are gone it is our friends who are always around to help us pick up the pieces. Ask yourself 'What kind of a friend I am?' Try to honestly answer this question also, try to keep yourself busy (and not with your BFF and, or her man). If he openly tries to be romantic with you, tell him to stay away from you and let him know in no uncertain terms that you are going to tell his wife. If, your BFF tries to get him to be 'affectionate' with you, say to them both that you are uncomfortable with the situation (that is if you are).

Steampunk - posted on 08/05/2013

11

0

0

UPDATE: I did not see my BFF and her family this weekend. My daughter was a little sad to not go to the lake, but she and I went hiking instead. We also bought her back to school stuff. As a result, we kept busy and I only thought about my BFF's husband a couple times.
Today, I called my former therapist and made an emergency appointment for tomorrow. She gave me two "homework" assignments until then. The first was to not have any contact with my BFF and her husband. The other is to avoid occasions that make me think about him. I am very hopeful that I can get past these feelings.
Thanks everyone for your advice.

Rebecca - posted on 08/03/2013

605

22

12

Talk to your BFF. Why is she behaving like this? Make it clear that this is not fair on you and not what you want.

Vivianne - posted on 08/02/2013

1

12

0

Tell him in no uncertain terms to back off and be faithful to his wife or you will have to end all connections with him! Out of respect for all concerned especially any children involved and he and his wife. Many frienships and families have been distroyed because friends and spouses have not kept appropiate boundries. Your girlfriend and you deserve better than this from him. If he has extended boundaries for you there is a good chance he has done this with other women! Don't let yourself be caught up in that kind of a triangle. IT WOULD NOT BE GOOD FOR ANY OF YOU ESPECIALLY THE CHILDREN INVOLVED WHO PAY THE BIGGEST PRICE FOR THE ADULT'S IN THIER LIVES MISTAKES. Your girlfriend needs your support more than he needs any of your affections.

Mona - posted on 08/02/2013

3

0

0

You don't mess around let alone date a friends man that's not cool have self control and find your own man

Elizabeth Nobesuthu - posted on 08/02/2013

1

0

0

That is just a No, no ...... be loyal to your BFF. It sound like you have your own emotional buggage to resolve and he is not your solution. Also no excuse to betray your BFF..... you will never have a successful relationship anyway before you actually sort out your emotional issues and start understanding true love, relationship and the meaning of marriage. Sorry have to come down on you like a ton of bricks.... but this is my attempt to crash a dilemma.... for all parties concerned. Think about the consequences. A confidant does not mean a sleeping partner. you will have trouble keeping your pants up if you think like that! I am sorry!

Steampunk - posted on 08/02/2013

11

0

0

Thanks to everyone, especially Casey. I have been thinking very, very hard and realize that I really do need space to continue sorting out my feelings.
I wish that I could say that I am just lonely and want a romantic relationship. That would be easy. I could join an online dating site and be done with it. I just don't feel this way about anyone else and haven't for years. I actually met a really nice guy at work a few months ago and we're becoming friends. He's good looking I suppose and has some great personality qualities. However, I don't feel the slightest urge to even think about him romantically.
I wish that I could say that I am just sexually frustrated. IDK if it's one of the legacies of being sexually abused as a child or if it's just the way my body is hardwired, but I rarely feel desire. My former therapist identified me as demisexual because I do feel desire if I form a strong emotional bond with someone. This has happened once. I guess, twice now if you count my current struggle. But even then, I tend to associate desire with vulnerability and loss.
I wish that I could say that my BFF and/or her husband are just manipulating me for some reasons. I've racked my brain to see if there's some crack in their marriage that I missed before or if they would have some reason to be so cruel as to play with my feelings by provoking a sexual response. They certainly know my history and triggers, but what would they possibly gain by this?
Lastly, I wish that I could say that I can just ignore how I feel or I will stay away from them forever if I can't get rid of these feelings or ignore them. I really don't have anyone else that cares about me. My biological family consists of child abusers and sociopaths. I work in a field where most people, like me, are sort of socially awkward or loners. In my neighborhood and at my church, 90% of the women simultaneously pity me for being a single mom and fear that I want to steal their husbands (ironic, isn't it). There are five people in the world that I trust: my daughter, my BFF, her husband, my doctor, and my high school English teacher. The last is beginning to suffer from Alzheimers and the family has asked me to stop visiting so often because it confuses him. If I can't fix things with my BFF and her husband, my emotional circle shrinks down to my daughter and my doctor.
I realize that I probably need to go back to therapy. However, my BFF is the person who watches my daughter while I am at therapy because I can't afford a babysitter. I'd feel like a terrible person asking her to babysit while I go tell my therapist how every time I think about her husband I feel all discombobulated.
Sorry for the long vent. I have benefited from your advice.
Many, many hugs!

Julia - posted on 08/02/2013

16

0

0

Since you state that you are really inexperienced, I want to let you know that it is very easy/common for a woman to start having feelings for a nice guy who is spending alot of time with her, whether or not he is "out of bounds"/ "already taken." You love your bff & have stated that you have no intention of trying to have an inappropriate relationship with her hubby. These emotions/feelings seem very real, but they do fade with time. You have to firmly decide to reject these feelings, never indulge them in your mind, & never act on them.
From experience I can share with you that telling a guy that you have feelings for him or revealing through your actions that you have feelings for him, when he does not have romantic feelings for you, he just thinks of you as a friend, will definately strain the friendship & often destroys the friendship eventually. It has happened to me & I have seen it happen to a few other friends. I think the best thing you can do is tell your bff & her hubby that due to your past (which I assume they know about) that you have personal boundary issues that have recently been crossed by them. That you love them both & also consider them to be like family, but do not feel comfortable having that much physical contact with a guy, even one that you have always thought of as being like a brother figure. Ask them to respect your feelings & not push you. I am sure that they did so out of love & it sounds like they are both naturally huggers & emotionally expressive people. Let them know that you care for them & don't want to offend them, but that his brotherly affection & playful teasing is making you uncomfortable around them. (You don't have to say exactly how it is making you uncomfortable or what feelings it has generated, just that it does make you uncomfortable & you would appreciate it if he would go back to treating you the way he always has done in the past.)
The actions you have described him doing, could be interpreted as mild flirting, but they can also be the way an older brother treats a beloved younger sister. I think that is how he & your bff probably meant it.
Good luck & God bless. I am rooting for you. :)

Andrea - posted on 08/01/2013

8

0

1

friends are with you forever and if he evan wanted to do something with you that would be so betraying your bff so if i was you i would keep your distance and just hope these feelings pass for you :)

Loni - posted on 08/01/2013

2

4

0

When you find yourself in a situation like this, first think about how much your friend would be hurt by any indiscretion on yours or her husbands part. Infidelity is hard enough to forgive but it's much harder if its your best friend. My advice to you is to run. Stop spending time with the family and only with your friend. Avoid any contact with him and if he contacts you, don't answer. You will get over him. Out of sight out of mind. Set your sights on a single, available man who can give you what you need and doesn't cause hurt to others.

Steampunk - posted on 07/31/2013

11

0

0

Mysti, I just don't know. I lived with them for 3 months when they were newlyweds at her insistence. It didn't seem weird to me at the time because I hadn't experienced desire yet and was pretty clueless that it should have been a cramp in their sex life. I had no sex ed in school (abstinence only) and learned what I did about normal sexual relationships from girls in my dorm in college or from books/internet. I know my BFF was a virgin when she married her husband. I don't know about him. She and I don't talk about her sex life. She knows that I essentially don't have one, haven't wanted one. The closest her husband and I have come to any talk about sex is when we were talking about playing the Lotto and I said that I would quit my job, then buy sperm and have myself artificially inseminated so I could have another kid and be a SAHM.

Steampunk - posted on 07/31/2013

11

0

0

I got a text from my BFF couple hours ago asking if I wanted to stay over again this weekend. They have a condo in a resort community about an hour away. She wrote "Had such a great time w/u the past 2 wknds. Wanna make it a 3-peat? We are going up Friday at 7. Come any time!"
I wrote back that they should take advantage of some alone time as a family.
She immediately texted me back "U r family."
I feel really bad now. Maybe I am misinterpreting things they did and said. I'm not sure how physical normal families are. Most of the touching from my biological family was hitting or inappropriately sexual. When I was married, my husband touched me casually a lot, but I always interpreted it as sexual because we really had a lot of dysfunction in that area.

Claire Breann - posted on 07/31/2013

4

0

1

No ive been through that myself and after the bff finds out shell be furious and it wont turn out pretty my child Ann she is 4 and i have oldest named.donna janey we call her DJ and she is 15 and she has a crush on her sisters husband and omg it is not pretty i am a single mother with 5 kids only one boy named Drew and its dang crazy

Mysti - posted on 07/31/2013

7

20

0

So I'm gonna take a little different tack here. With your friend seemingly encouraging you and him to be physical/alone/both(?), is it possible that they are swingers? Or looking to "include" you? That was the first thing that came to my mind. Obviously I wasn't there and don't know any of the people involved, but it seems like at least a possibility.

Either way, I think it would be wise to put some distance between yourself and this couple, at least for a while. It seems as though the lines of communication are not that great between you and your friend, and I think to only talk to him about it (without his wife's knowledge) would be a bad idea. Once you let things cool down with yourself, you might try talking to them both, and being honest with them about how confusing you found their behavior. As for your feelings towards him, I would keep those strictly to myself if I were you...sharing those can only do harm to your friendship.

It is certainly a tough situation you find yourself in. Best of luck to you!

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2013

12

0

2

Shauneen u are so right. I too wish there was more I could say to help and advise in this situation. Steampunk do what's in your best interests and now it is time to be selfish and put all the love and care into yourself. Help is out there. Please don't do something that u will always regret. I'm thinking of u and all my love and support is behind u to give u the strength to pull through this emotional roller coaster. You will come out the other end proud and strong. Xxx

Shauneen - posted on 07/30/2013

10

18

0

The only way you will get the anwsers you are looking for is if you find a way to be honest with them or talk to a therapist. No one here can know why she does what she does, even me, my reasons are mine not hers.

It concerns me that your BFF doesn't share things with you, it sounds like she has trust issues. All the more reason to be careful.

I hope you find someone who loves and respects you one day and if you work on yourself, I can promiss that you will. I think you have someone better in your future, all I see in this situation is heartache all round

Shauneen - posted on 07/30/2013

10

18

0

I'm trying to be as helpful as I possibly can, by being as honest as I possibly can. I'm honestly not 100% sure why I sent mixed messages. It's hard to tell you when I'm not completely sure. But I will try for you... I honestly think it had to do with my issues, I had boundry issues becuase my whole family had boundry issuesand everyone who has been abused does. I felt sorry for my freind because she had no one and had come from a life of abuse as well. I guess I pitied her. I didn't know how to stand up to either of them. I didn't have the life skills to and like you I didn't have the family to turn to for advice etc. I shyed away from comfrontation and even though my sister-in-law urged me to do something about the sistuation, I couldn't because he was rejecting me and choosing her. I had tried many times to get him to spend time with me, the same way he did with her. There is only so much rejection you can take. I don't know if this helps you, but I think about it some more and if I come up with anything I will let you know.

Karoline - posted on 07/30/2013

2

0

0

If you really considering yourself her best friend, step back -avoid contact / if you already developing feelings towards her husband or start to is a sign; are you married? Kids? There is many aspects that you should consider for your own tranquility and your best friend +kids if there is any :0(

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2013

12

0

2

If that is the case. Your scared of losing them be honest with them. Tell the husband he is making u feel uneasy. Talk to your friend and tell her too that her encouraging her husband to be so close makes u feel uneasy. If they are like family as u say then I believe by communicating and being truthful is the best way. They know about your past and they know u have confided in them with such personal information that they need to respect how this is affecting u. It may be a good idea to get some professional help to discuss your past and your present to help u to cope and manage this situation. Life is tough but we need to be honest with ourselves and respect ourselves so our lives are happy and content. It is challenging to live life after abuse but trust me when I say it is something that happened to us not something that defines us. We choose to let it control our life or we take the reins and make it the best life possible.

Steampunk - posted on 07/30/2013

11

0

0

Stephanie, I know this is good advice. I wish I could get up the nerve to do this. I'm so afraid of losing them both. I am not close to my biological relatives so they are basically my family. Things are sort of complicated in that she doesn't really confide in me when she has something going on (when her dad was dying, when she had a cancer scare). I always learn about it through her husband.

[deleted account]

DONT GO THERE PLEASE!! Infidelity hurts families. If you are not happy with the relationship you are in at the moment, please seek help and fix it. (Not sure if you are in a relationship) If it cannot be fixed, then leave the relationship with dignity and respect. He has a partner - remember that! Respect yourself enough to walk away. Don't let yourself be used. If your friend is not happy with her husband, that is HER problem. Don't get involved. She is asking for trouble and so are you. Distance yourself NOW. Don't destroy and be the reason behind his break up. I have been hurt by infidelity myself. You NEVER FULLY RECOVER - ever. Cheating is NEVER OK and it is ALWAYS A CONSCIENCE DECISION. Cheating is usually the culmination of your own insecurities, you may be missing something in your life at the moment, but to go down this road is NOT a solution.

Steampunk - posted on 07/30/2013

11

0

0

Shauneen, I really appreciated your story and advice. Thank you. I am considering avoiding my BFF and her husband until I get control of my emotions. Can you help me understand why she seems to be giving me mixed messages? They know my history and that he is one of the few men that I allow to touch me. He has always been touchy-feely with me and normally I don't freak, but this past weekend, she encouraged him to touch me a lot (tug my ponytail, pick me up and throw me in the pool, show me how to chop veggies for the grill by holding my hand, give me a back rub, kiss me goodnight). Is she testing him? Me?

Shauneen - posted on 07/30/2013

10

18

0

I can understand where you are coming from, I come from a very similar place. But my experience is different because I had a step dad who constantly had affairs on my mother and I can tell you how that not only distroys the spose who cheated on, but also the children involved who are far more vaunerble. Because I have felt this destrying pain, I promised myself I would never go there and I have been tested many times. I have kept my promiss, to not hurt other that way.

Also I can tell you that I have been the wife in your senario when I was 20 and also gave mixed messages to my freind who had feelings for partner of 5 years. Because I was confused and in denile. It only ever happens because there are other issues going on the relationship, other problems. I was going through therapy for my own sexual abuse and he couldn't be there for me emotionaly, he was too immature at 24. He couldn't handle it. She tried to fight it, but in the end didn't remove herself and when I got wind of it I left and cut them both off. Because I don't want people in my life who do that sort of thing. It really hurt, because I loved them both and so it's like double heart ache and it's really hard to trust anyone after that happens to you. But I worked through it and have a much healthier relationship these days because I took the time to be alone afterwards. My ex on the other hand still has affairs on my old freind even though he married her, I feel for their daughter. But if they will do it with you, they will do it to you!

Stephanie - posted on 07/30/2013

11

6

0

Maybe you should talk to your friend and tell her that it seems a little strange and you feel like she's pushing you and the husband together a little more than normally expected. This would at least get a dialogue going between the two of you without making it sound like you're nuts about him. Her reaction is going to be a pretty clear answer to you without exposing your feelings about him.

Eva - posted on 07/29/2013

3

22

0

i was just brought up different, and it is my opinion. my heart crys for anyone dealing with sexual abuse you didnt desearve that. I just strongly believe there are some directions you shouldnt let yourself go, i believe you choose who you decide too catch feelings for, the fact she hasnt acted on them i commend her for it, my only question is, if he acted on his feelings towards her would she decide too take it further. My only advice would be to be very careful how you act around them for now on, if you two are best friends as you say she will eventually pick up on your desire for him and i would hate for you too loose a life long friend for a man who clearly is not worth it if he is entertaining any thing further with you other then friendship. keep your distance from him, and just continue too be a friend too your best friend.......

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2013

12

0

2

Maybe u need to restrict the contact for a while with this couple, especially the husband. Be there for your friend but only one on one with her. Less contact with the husband the better. You will probably find it may help if think about how your friend would feel if she could read your thoughts and deminish them from your mind. Find things to keep u busy especially your mind. There are plenty of men out in this world and the perfect one is out there for u. Don't take on someone emotionally that will drain u completely. It's not worth it and your friendship can never be replaced. Good luck u will be fine.

Jenny - posted on 07/29/2013

6

8

0

OMG Wow Eva!! She is asking for help, not to be judged or put down. You can't always help how you feel about someone. I don't think she is being lazy at all! She sounds like she knows herself pretty well and that this isn't something that is normal for her. We should be helping her to figure out where this is all coming from not telling her what she is feeling is wrong. There are no wrong feelings that people have. It's the actions they choose to do when they have those feelings and she has don't nothing wrong. Steampunk I really hope that you figure this out and things work out ok for you!!

Steampunk - posted on 07/29/2013

11

0

0

I am not seeing anyone. Nor am I looking for a relationship. I'm actually pretty shy and inexperienced. I also was sexually abused as a child so I have major trust issues with men. My BFF's husband is one of the few men that I feel totally comfortable around. Or I did until they started acting weird.
I don't feel like I want "a man" or wish to have an affair. I don't daydream about sleeping with him. I certainly don't want to steal him from my BFF. I would never hurt her that way and I can't imagine him leaving her for anyone. I just feel like I'm suddenly aware of something about him that I wasn't before. I've always thought that he was kind, smart, and funny. But there wasn't a sense of a physical response until now.

Eva - posted on 07/29/2013

3

22

0

First off, there is not one word you can ever say too justify having any type of attraction what so ever for the husband of your bestfriend, its so wrong on so many levels, there are too many men out in this world too even go there and look in that direction. and please!!!!!!!! stop coming up with those b.s excuses that you made up in your head as if ur bestfriend is encourging the would be affair, u are clearly making that up in your head to maybe make you feel better about your disgusting feeling. your right you do need help but not on here!! try therapy and try too figure out why you are too lazy too put in the work of finding a man of your own rather then day dream of spreading your trifling legs too you bestfriends husband

Jenny - posted on 07/29/2013

6

8

0

I think you should ask your BFF why she was pushing the two of you to be alone. I find that the most odd thing in this situation. I can totally understand you developing feelings for someone, even your BFF's husband.

Melissa - posted on 07/28/2013

12

0

2

Are u in a relationship? I'm not trying to ignore the fact u are developing feelings. I guess I just want u to see this is your friends husband he is already taken by your best friend that I'm assuming u would do anything at all for and would never want to lose her friendship. I hope u are doing ok. We can sometimes get confused with how we feel about someone because they give us what we are missing in our lives. I'm thinking of u and I hope all works out for u.

Melissa - posted on 07/28/2013

12

0

2

This is inappropriate behavior and u need to be upfront with your friends husband and let him know that what he is doing is wrong and makes u feel uneasy. Let him know that u love his friendship but that's it. Some people feel they can push boundaries but if u set limits and boundries he will know when enoughs enough. Don't spend as much one on one alone time with him and if this doesn't work I would try to make alternate arrangements to stay somewhere else. I hope this helps. Take care and remember this is your best friends husband. Completely off bounds.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms