Family Discension

Moe - posted on 10/10/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hello, I am at a loss for words at this point in my life. I have an 18 yr old son and my Husband of 12 years do not get along. I do not know what to do. They both tell me I do not love them and am taking up for the other. I want to have peace in my home but feel this is impossible. My son will not speak to my husband and my husband acts like a fool too. My son is in the 12 th grade and I only am trying to get him across the graduation stage. Last night they almost came to blows. I am sick over this what can I do? Has anyone had a situation like this that turned out successful?? Please help me. I need help PLEASE!!

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Lisa - posted on 10/12/2016

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As hard as this would be I think I would explain to both of them that you are no longer willing to be drawn in on their fights/ and inability to act civilly towards each other and then let them know you will be leaving the room, the house, whatever it takes to remove yourself from the situation with the expectation that they figure out how to live peacefully for the next year in order for your son to graduate. If they need counseling let them know you are glad to go with them if they want you to but it is up to them. And then let them work it out between themselves. You don’t need to be there to observe it. Don’t get sucked back in. Your son is no longer a minor and should be able to handle himself unless one of them dangerous to the other? What is the history of their 12 year relationship? If your son is 18 but still going to school can he spend less time in your home such as library, etc. or with a relative? That would be another less desirable alternative. It may take a while to find the peace that you are looking for in your home. I would do a lot of praying for them in the meantime. Hugs to you in this difficult time.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/12/2016

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Wow... the A/C?

Sounds like hubby needs to back off a bit, but then again, your son immediately turning it back on was also pushing buttons.

Lisa gave some great advice, so I will say ditto to what she advised.

Moe - posted on 10/11/2016

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Thanks for responding. I replied above to give a little more insight into my situation.

Moe - posted on 10/11/2016

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Yes you are right. I realize I only gave part of the story. I first want to say thanks to everyone who commented. Yes my husband and him have bonded, but they have had their ups and downs. When things are good at home they are really good and when they are bad they are pure *h&t!! The argument started over my son coming home and turning on the air conditioning, my husband got up turned it off and then my son got up and turned it back on. My husband said you pay no bills it is not even hot and all hell broke loose. My son said you need to calm down and watch the way you are talking to me to my husband. Now I was out thrift store shopping as this was on Sunday and that is what I had the honor of coming home to. My son calling me and telling me "I better get my husband!!"

Moe - posted on 10/11/2016

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Thank you so much. I really needed to hear the truth and that is what you gave me. They are both showing me no love knowing this hurts me. It is easy to feel so alone at times when I get so wrapped up in work and home and no time to share my most intimate feelings. I really appreciate you guys for being here for me in my time of need. I am so happy to have found this site.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/10/2016

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Your husband has been in the boy's life for 12 years?

Have they ever gotten along or bonded?

Ultimately, your husband needs to grow up. He is supposed to be the example of proper adult male behaviour, not kicking sand and throwing a pissy fit.

What are they arguing about?

Krissy - posted on 10/10/2016

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They're both trying to emotionally manipulate you, it's time you put the foot down! He's a kid, your kid and that's your husband, they're both acting like children having a tantrum over a toy truck. Don't sit back and get all worked up over it, it's time to bring down moms hammer. If it were me, the next time they carried on like idiots towards each other I'd let those Fs & Cs fly, let lose on the both of them, let them know what they are doing to you, tell them that they don't love you, if they did they wouldn't be carrying on the way they are and hurting you, putting you in a position you shouldn't be in. Don't let those 2 very important men in your life destroy your life. It's time you stood up to both of them, enough is enough.

Shirley - posted on 10/10/2016

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But you're the adult so he should be complying to what you're saying and I realize it can be a tough time during stage make an appointment with the counselor and then pick your son up on that day from school and take him to the counselor that way he won't have a choice and have your husband meet with you guys

Moe - posted on 10/10/2016

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Thanks for responding, I have tried but my son will not interact. He is very stubborn and wont participate.

Shirley - posted on 10/10/2016

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Have you tried to set up counseling for the family to try to see if it may help

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