Famliy Law advice please

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016 ( 22 moms have responded )

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Hi and good morning mothers out there.
I am new to this site and desperately need help. I haven't been with my sons dad for about 5 years now. We remained friends after until he got married things have changed. He is a great dad financially buying what my son needs. He stopped paying child support (which was never documented but a verbal agreement) last year. He picks him up almost every weekend. My son lives with me, I pay for his school lunches and buys what he needs of course. His father texted me upset because I claimed my son for taxes. And his other response was "see u in court" im afraid things are going to turn out bad. And reason why I say that in a way is because I live in a huge one bedroom house and let my friend and her 3 little ones live with me until she got her goals together. They all have their own beds. I work hard everyday. I haven't even asked his father for child support because in case things get worse I want to make it look like im not money hungry and show judge I do and support my son without his money. so my question is, am I in a bad situation? what can happen since he said ill see u in court? I know in my heart I haven't done anything wrong because I know im entitled to claim my own kid who lives with me. I think his dad is basically going to screw himself if he takes me to court because they are going to see that he doesn't pay child support. My son does have his own room at his dads house. I don't know if that even matters. he makes more money then me too. but my son is in no danger, has a roof over head, has decent looking clothes, does great in school, I set rules and discipline him. what can happen? especially because my living situation please help..... :( im jus scared and stressed

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Raye - posted on 01/26/2016

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The only way you're going to get it worked out is to go to court, get formal orders for custody, visitation, and child support, and then abide by the orders. We cant tell you how the court will rule, except generally they still trend toward the mom getting primary custody. Neither of you should get "screwed", as the judge will try to rule by what is in the best interests of the child (and that should be both parents' priority as well).

Ev - posted on 01/26/2016

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He could very well use that instance of the extra people in the apartment with you or house that you live in. He is going to most likely argue that his son does not have a room to himself and so on. In this case a lawyer for the child might be called for. See, in my custody and so on, I had found a 2 bedroom apartment having a boy and girl. The boy had his room but I had to share one with my daughter. We had an Ad litem who saw my ex had made sure the kids had their rooms and he had his. She did not think my arrangement was good enough but there was no way to afford a 3 bedroom apartment. It is a possible thing he could do.

Ev - posted on 01/26/2016

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" He stopped paying child support (which was never documented but a verbal agreement) last year."
~~~Verbal agreements for anything from child support to visitation are not as the others said going to stand in court.
" My son lives with me, I pay for his school lunches and buys what he needs of course. His father texted me upset because I claimed my son for taxes."
~~~The other ladies have covered this good enough already and I agree with their statments.
" And his other response was "see u in court" im afraid things are going to turn out bad."
~~~What are you afraid of going bad? A judge is going to look at the best interests of the child with joint custody or sole custody going to one of the parents and visitation to the other. The judge is going to set the child support to the parent the child is not with most of the time. If you guys get joint custody, you will have to abide it.
" I think his dad is basically going to screw himself if he takes me to court because they are going to see that he doesn't pay child support."
~~~Dad is not going to screw himself over in the judge's eyes on the child support issue because right now you have no court orders for it and just a verbal agreement which has been pointed out as not a very reliable agreement and no judge looks at those as binding.
http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...
Check this link to another post about custody, visitation, and child support. It is a complied thing from ideas and suggestions of moms here that have been through it all before and what you might expect but do not take it as actual family law or legal advice.

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2016

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" I work hard everyday. I haven't even asked his father for child support because in case things get worse I want to make it look like im not money hungry and show judge I do and support my son without his money"
In the eyes of the court this is meaningless. Child support has nothing to do with greediness, laziness or what you are capable or not capable of doing. Both of you are equally obligated to support this child and child support is your son's right. If you don't want to use the money to help raise him then save it and use it for college, or he can travel or buy a car when he comes of age. You don't even know how the support order would be set until you get it negotiated in court. The support order will decree whom may claim the child on their taxes. It may me you, dad or every other year.
This is a child you made together, not a pet or a belonging, you do not deserve him more than his father does. Don't you suppose his father feels he deserves him as well?

Dove - posted on 01/26/2016

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Actually you don't 'deserve' to have and keep your son w/ you... unless a court rules that.

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Jodi - posted on 01/26/2016

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The others have covered most of what I would have said, but I do want to express my concern over the fact that you currently have 6 people living in a one bedroom apartment at the moment. That may be something of concern to the court. I'm not saying your son necessarily must have his own room, but if I were the other parent, I would be concerned about this particular living arrangement too.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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dang wow... that's pretty dumb of him saying not to call him the father.. money is sure an issue to some dads.. sigh no offense but so far yes..

Dove - posted on 01/26/2016

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I will tell you... My ex has no legal right (by court order) to claim our kids on his taxes. The first year we were separated (2008) he wanted to claim them since I had no taxable income, so wasn't filing. I would have had to sign a paper to allow him to do so... He 'claimed' he would split the money w/ me, but I knew better and told him no since I had had them w/ me 100% since March (when he left) of that year.

He was so pissed off at me that he hung up on me and then texted me to not call him the father if I wouldn't even let him claim them.

He got over it... and he got over himself (well, some what...lol).

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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i know . im trying not to let it get to me. people r saying they hope he just said that because he was upset only.

but who knows. yes i agree every judge different.
its jus pretty sad hes showing the money hungry part. not me

Ev - posted on 01/26/2016

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Do not let that get you down though. Just keep in mind each judge is different and though they have to go with the law, they will look at what they determine as good for the child. I can not tell you that the judge will go one way or the other about it for sure.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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sigh well lets hope it doesn't go so far. my cousin has 4 kids and he took them from mom went thru court and they granted him. i think its because the mother was homeless. and the judge told him as long they have their own beds. so that's what gave me an okay thing. but i know what u mean. ugh...

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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i know verbal agreement is nothing. but.. my child is with me more then his dad. he doesn't deal with daily living expenses like me as a single parent. i do understand about the judge is going to see whats best interest of my kid. but after witnessing my own two eyes of how he talks to my kid is totally wrong. i asked my son if his daddy curses at him a lot and he told me yes mom.

the thing i am afraid is i have 3 other kids living with me temporary but they all have their own beds. and im afraid hes gonna throw that to the judge as if its a bad thing. i can understand if i was doing drugs and not working or not buying what my son needs. but ive been on top of things.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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man im sorry to hear. that's quite a lot :/
no i wouldn't keep my son away from him even if i wanted to because he served me with papers first to protect himself so there wont be any restrictions which is fine because yes i would USE to say childish things when they would say something to me. like for instance. don't bother coming to get my son. or u cant have him this weekend. u know stuff like that. because i was so angry. im being really careful what i say thru text especially now because im not trying to have anything held against me.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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Oh no I'm not saying he don't deserve his kid at all. I cant control what happens there at his dads house. But what upsets me is the way he talks to my kid like he's his homies or friend whatever u want to call it. cursing and such then he comes home and ends up talking like him.

as for child support i know it has nothing to do with taxes. i know its based on who the child lives with. i been trying to be fair with him and his wife meeting them half way so they don't waste gas because they don't live close to my area. but i was trying to make things easier for them but when i discuss things about a problem to them they take it so up their butts and argue with me and i been trying to handle things calmy i could without threats or such. The money he USE to give me when he was a baby and up would go to his food clothes and my school. he feels he doesn't need to give me money anymore ever since his wife came into his life. i never made it seem i needed it and still don't. so yes i totally agree with u because later down the line it does show the judge i can support my kid without his $. but i heard it is mandatory for the father to pay child support if the child don't live with him. hes gonna screw himself. not me. i haven't done anything. i work everyday except sundays.

Dove - posted on 01/26/2016

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My ex owes over $30,000 in back child support... can barely call his kids a couple of times/year and only sees them once every 6-24 months.... But I still don't have the right to keep my kids away from their father. THEY have a right to a relationship w/ the man no matter what I feel about it. They fully (well, my teenagers do, my almost 8 year old son isn't quite there yet) understand that they are 'second place' in their dad's life and he pretty much sucks... but they still love him.

IF a court rules that you son should not be w/ his father (that's highly unlikely to occur) then that is the way it will be, but otherwise... it's your job to do everything in your power to help your son be OK w/ his dad... even if you can't stand the man. Your son can be just fine no matter what kind of crap he has to deal with... that's just life. Support your child and his relationship w/ his father. Go ahead and talk to him about why he doesn't want to go to dad's and see what you can say to your son to help him be more OK w/ it.

Raye - posted on 01/26/2016

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As part of the court ordered child support, the non-custodial parent may have to provide medical insurance (if such is provided by their employer), or they may have to reimburse the custodial parent for such expenses. That still has nothing to do with taxes. Your ex is confused. Best to go to court and get it all spelled out so each parent knows what their rights and responsibilities are.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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But i get what your saying :) Im really fed up with this guy and his wife now.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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From my perspective the way his dad is emotionally towards my son, yes i feel in my heart he does. not just because i support my son physically, financially and emotionally. but because there's a difference between his father and me. He never wants to go over there to his house. So that's a big concern for me. its pretty sad if a stupid system court would say i don't when my boy rather be with me then his dad. and his dad has witnesses like his own mom and my sisters of the way he treats my boy. like i said hes only a great dad financially.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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Thanks Raye . I truly appreciate that. Yes I been told verbal agreements are not really great. I was being "nice" and "fair" in the beginning with him. and nothing says in paper 5050. My child is mostly with me. full time. under daily living expenses. He feels im not entitled to claim our son. That's what I don't understand because my child LIVES with me and I agree with you totally because I know he is financially responsible. then he throws it in my face that he had our son under his insurance. So do I but just vision insurance because my son needed glasses. as for medical. that's under his name thru his employer. hes a good dad but I believe only financially he is. my son recently told me his dad curses at him and then I finally witnessed him cursing at him and along with his own mother. i deserve to keep and have my son with me.

Raye - posted on 01/26/2016

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We are not lawyers, so you might want to talk to one regarding the laws in your area.

If you have the agreement in writing (even e-mail or text), you can show the judge as evidence that you were working from an agreement, but that may not have any relevance to the final ruling. Verbal agreements don't mean jack and written (even notarized) agreements are not always worth the paper they're written on. Any single parent should get court orders detailing custody, visitation, and child support immediately upon birth or split from the father. It is not being mean to do that, but is a protection for all involved. It also does not say anything negative against you to file for child support. The father is financially responsible for his offspring, and the child has a right to the best life that his parents (both) can provide. Don't hurt your child because of your own pride of wanting to prove you can do it alone.

Child support payments are generally neither tax deductible by the payer nor taxable income to the payee. So, just because he pays support may not mean he gets any credit on his taxes. It usually goes by who is the primary caregiver. If the child is mostly with you, then usually that would allow you to claim him on your taxes. If you had a 50/50 agreement, then you should claim the dependent on alternate years (you report on even years, he reports on odd years). If you get court orders, they should detail who gets to claim the child on taxes.

Trina - posted on 01/26/2016

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thank you dave.
Yeah it was more of a verbal agreement between him and I after breaking up and moving with my parents. then sometime last year in the beginning he served me with papers so he can have him almost every weekend with no restrictions. now he's making it seem money is so important. everything was just fine before he found out he cant claim our son. I have every text save just in case

Dove - posted on 01/26/2016

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You should have gone to court 5 years ago and gotten custody, visitation, and child support orders legally in place. Court orders protect everyone involved, so everyone knows their rights and responsibilities.

No one can predict what will happen in court, but your child is entitled to equal support (financial and emotional) from both parents...

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