Father and Paternal family not interested.....

Aani - posted on 09/11/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My daughter’s father and I separated whilst I was pregnant. We’d been in an unstable relationship for a few years and I fell pregnant just before the relationship ended. Deep down I was happy for the relationship to end but wanted to keep baby contrary to the father.

When we separated he’d asked if I could keep him posted regarding baby - then he disappeared off the face of the earth never to be heard of again with the exception of 1x email. (email to say he’d had a mental breakdown but could I help by sending pics of his daughter)

My daughter had her 2nd Birthday yesterday and I still haven’t heard from the father or his family whom mirror his actions. His mother (the matriarch) is a real piece of work and his sister was just like him (wanted to have contact and then ceased all communication)

When I didn’t hear from any of them, I decided to write an email reminding them of her Birthday and then suggested ways they might like to have contact with my daughter without my presence if “I” was underlying issue.

Again – no answer. It saddens me to think my daughter will grow up wondering why her father’s family choose to ignore her existence.. I’ve kept all forms of communication (other than photos) to a bare minimum. I’ve been extremely civilised through this whole process but it’s not been easy. If they don’t want acknowledge my daughter they could just say that instead of sticking their heads in the sand.

My question to all parents out there – What would you do? Would you rise above the situation and persist in continuing to send the odd photo? Would you take a hint and write them off for good? Or would you confront the family for once and for all?

11 Comments

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Anita - posted on 09/14/2016

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Oh how hurtful! I know it hurts your heart to think that dad and his family are not interested in your sweet baby girl. It is their loss...and honestly your in laws sound like they may not be healthy adults for her to be around? I do think that your energy should be focused on raising your little one. I would probably keep up with them...for your daughter's sake. She will be curious to meet them one day - and hopefully they will be in a better place and welcome her then. I encourage you to pray for her dad...sounds like he is not doing well. Hang in there momma...XO

Aani - posted on 09/12/2016

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Hi Dove,

On a legal front, I'm all sorted and have no worries about that.. The father owes child support and if I get any of whats owing I'll place into an Bank AC for my daughter.

I find this situation hard because the father hasn't even made a "useless father" phone call, or a "useless father birthday card" or a Christmas present. He doesn't get the title because he's acting as if he's dead-to-the-world.

At this rate, my daughter could easily be lead to believe the man never existed because that's the angle both him and his family want to take. I've corresponded with his family because we all lived together for a few years running a farm. I guess I had hoped one of them would want to meet my daughter but no, apparently not.

Dove - posted on 09/12/2016

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Tina.. if you want advice on your situation create a separate post for it.

Tina - posted on 09/12/2016

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I still have hopes that he will leave her or that I should fight for him sorta like contact him more because this is not the first time this has happened in the 18 years we were together I truly no the answer cause he was really never there for me throughout but he managed to disrespect me throughout was there for him when his parents passed away but he came to my mother wake on his lunch break and left mind you was together for about 15 years by then I know the answers bUT would just like some coaching on this situation. He always came back or should I say I let him back ..we work at the same job bit different hours it very hard pretending I'm OK and I'm really still hurt .

Dove - posted on 09/12/2016

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I'd get a court order for custody, visitation, and child support established... and then it's up to him whether or not he chooses to contact/visit the child or not... Same life I've been living for 8.5 years. My ex MIGHT call the kids once or twice a year... I do not contact him at all except to send him copies of their report cards (court ordered since I have full legal custody). I am not required to contact him for any other reasons, so the only time we have any communication is if he calls for one of his court ordered visits (once every year or two). I don't contact his family at all (other than one of his cousins who is married to my best friend... but they don't have contact w/ him). If they want any involvement they can contact me (it's never happened) or contact him when the kids are w/ him.

Tina - posted on 09/12/2016

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How do you exit out of your child's father life. When he has moved on to the next women that you know and live next to.when you want them still in your child's life and Co parent .bit feel like I'm an fool for even talking to him he should not have that option to call me when he wants bit he does if I don't talk to him then it seems like I'm the bad one who should just forgive and I don't want him to think it's fine cause I'm still hurt.and he is still with her he let's her call my son and I think it's just disrespect.

Aani - posted on 09/12/2016

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Thanks Michelle, I've got a pretty good grip on family law but cheers for your suggestion

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2016

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I would also suggest that you make sure you have custody sorted out through the courts.
If you don't then there's nothing stopping the Father coming in one day and taking your daughter.

Tina - posted on 09/11/2016

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Ms .kupa sorry to hear the unfortunate way they are behaving but it's seems this family is not about family. Their lost but I promise it will get easier. You just concentrate on raising the best little girl

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