Father in federal jail

Gina - posted on 09/11/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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How do I deal with my daughter father who is in well been in jail since she was in jail since she was born got out arrested again now serving 12 years federal jail. I have taking her to visit an at one point will mail pictures off at least once a month an keep him in the loop an he calls her from time to time but to be honest he is so disrespectful verbally abusive. I stopped all contact at one point even got my number change but his mom gave it to him. Since then he calls whenever not consistent when he calls he says it's my fault out now 10 year old don't want to kick it with him or last time his mom took her to visit he got mad cause I didn't come an was going off on me so I pretty much ignore him since then he has some how got a cell phone yes in jail an text me I'm like she is in school I'm at work so call back we have nothing to talk about then he says it's my fault an I'm mad because he cheated had a baby an such to be honest I never bring up anything old my daughter don't know why he in jail she do t know why we not together I never say anything bad because we don't even think about him an at one point in a weekly basis I use to tell her draw something or write but I been stopped that I figure if she wanna talk see him she will let me know. Am I wrong I ain't dealing with that crap an he send this long text I don't even replay cause he wants me to text back for some kind of attention I'm sure he gets no visit as he is 6 hrs away an he need something but since she was born I have gotten full custody an gotten married an have other kids I wanna be fair but like I told him it's not my fault you in jail an my daughter if an when she ask I'll make sure he see her not me but my daughter ain't got time to sit in a jail visit 7 hrs then the drive is 6 eap on a weekend that I'm off heck no.

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Gina - posted on 09/13/2016

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He was in jail my pregnancy crazy thing is whole time I wasn't pregnant he had a job and soon as I got a couple month he got lock up for a year got out two month later lock upfront three for the county then while doing the three years Feds pick up his case he got 12 years which bring total to 15... She is ten so he will be 15 when she gets out. An since then I never complain about child support an money as I always work an his mom would help babysit matter fact all my kids while we work an help with school stuff. His mom doesnt have a car

Dove - posted on 09/11/2016

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If he is not supposed to have a cell phone and he is contacting you on one... go ahead and call the warden to let him know. If she doesn't want to have any contact w/ him... go ahead and block his contact and let her choose if/when she contacts him. I'd stick to the once or twice a year update letter and picture and maybe a couple of times/year (like on his birthday and/or Christmas) bring it up to her if she would like to call or write to him... but it sounds like him contacting either of you is doing more harm than good and it seems as if you are currently under no legal obligation to accept any of his contact.

Dove - posted on 09/11/2016

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What does your court order stipulate as far as allowing contact goes? If you do not legally HAVE to allow contact... I think I'd leave it entirely up to her at this point. When he contacts you you could let her know 'hey, your dad would like you to call him', but then leave it up to her to call him back or not. 'I' would have zero contact w/ him at all other than perhaps sending an update letter and picture once a year. If he texts... ignore it. If he calls you can ask her if she'd like to talk to him (if she's home) or let him know you will pass on the message (if she's not home) and then get off the phone. There seems to be no reason for you to engage in any contact w/ him.

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Roberta - posted on 09/25/2016

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I think you're doing the right thing by pre-reading his letters to her, since she is still a minor. I also agree that although you should not speak bad about her father, you also should not force the relationship.

Gina - posted on 09/13/2016

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We have tried he wrote letter in her name of course I pre read an there in the middle of this long letter mind you she is ten but since she started school he assume she can read anyway he always out something slick In The letter like "we have extra eyes" it "ears" Soni can't say what I want an I'm thinking she can't even read the letter but yea I'm just gonna let her decide beside she calls my husband dad an tell him everything but not gonna force a relationship

Gina - posted on 09/13/2016

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@Sarah thanks so far everything you an @Dive said I have been doing an I wanted another opinion cause I was making sure I haven't lost it. So yes I have been since she started school send report cards an or things she have don't but seem like he doesn't appreciate it an as he say I am suppose to an that just not right I did it cause my husband advise me you know he in jail he going through a lot just send pic so he can feel like he not shut out an I'm not keeping here away but soon as he come half ass then she is at the age she can ask if she wants to see him or whatever so far I block the number we talk to her again even last night we ask do you wanna talk to him she said nope even with this being 2 week of school he ain't call ask how she was she we pretty much was thinking he could possible just want a convo with me an get me upset cause why call at 12 when you know she at school or send a text saying when u gone bring my daughter like dude she don't call u dad she hates the visits an on the phone she asking me what to say to you very uncomfortable anyway thank you ladies both I needed this y'all rock! Oh in federal you not suppose to have a phone period he actual can get more time for it

Dove - posted on 09/13/2016

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Sarah.. from her OP it doesn't 'seem' like he will be getting out til she is 22 years old. I could be wrong though.

Sarah - posted on 09/13/2016

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I agree with Dove, send a letter maybe quarterly? With a photo, a letter outlining her activities, grades and achievements. I try to approach decisions like this with a pro/con outlook. Does the benefit of her talking or texting him outweigh the negative? Or does the negative outweigh the benefit. She is a little girl. While I would encourage her to understand that everyone makes mistakes, and some more that others, and forgiveness is a great gift; she does not have to make that choice now. Ask him to write to you, and include a letter to her, and send him reports a few times a year. When he does get out, a slow, supervised introduction is reasonable. Right now, what is the best for the child? Probably limited contact via mail only. I don't know the laws on cell phones in prison. If they are legal, you can block him from calling. If they are illegal, give him one warning to stop contact or you will report him to the warden.

Gina - posted on 09/12/2016

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@Dove thanks so far what you said is right on I was making sure I wasn't being spiteful or anything an wanted some other thoughts as I haven't shared it with anyone I just pretty much being ignoring it

Gina - posted on 09/11/2016

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@Dove I got the court order when she was 3 years old when he was in county cause I felt back then he was gone be a piece of work an I said to myself go ahead an do it now not know he would get 12 more years from an indictment. So I was granted sole/ physical in the best interest of her an it states that he needs to take me to court for any visitation rights set up through courts should he want to be a part of her life if he shows up. I wanted to give her a change to have some kind of bond but she ten years old an like right now she know he has a cell an has a corrlink acct set up to her iPad app paid for an all an he don't email her an when he do it's always your mom mad at me an need to grow up your mom keeping u away from me. She never have ask to see him an care less an to be honest. An the times she have gone she suck her teeth an want to leave she is bored but I stay cause it's a six hr drive an know I ain't coming back for long time
if any. I feel like she shouldn't have to reach out I talkto her over an over an she knows that she can see or talk to him just let me know but she always says no so at this point I'm like block I almost wanna call the warden an tell them he has a phone an keep texting me paragraphs about the past like he brings stuff up an actually think I'm bitter about it I ain't was best think he coulda did so I could have left his ass when I did but I won't be petty. Thanks

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