Father is a drug user and manipulator should he see his daughter?

Becca - posted on 10/04/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I'm looking for advise. Be as candid as you like. My daughter is three. Her father has been an active part of her life consistently for the last year. On and off for the first two. We seperated because he was abusive and a cheat. He and his parents have manipulated her many times to try and convince her she loves her dad more, or wants to stay with him and not me. They have tried to convince her my current bf of two years is "bad" etc.... I have expressed my feelings that this can be mentally damaging to a child so young. but they have not stopped. Her father is a regular marijuana user, which I am also not comfortable with. He recently got arrested for drugs he had in his vehicle. When I found out I immediately stopped allowing her to go to his house. Which is his parents house. He does not work, pay child support, and unfortunately his parents condone his behaviour. I have always wanted her to have her bio father present in her life despite our differences, but I just fear for her safety and well being. I also recently found out he has gotten someone else pregnant and she has made contact with me. She feels like its better to have a parent present even if he is not always perfect than not around. Yes he can be loving and caring of her but he also thinks its fine to teach her about marijuana, glass pipes etc......I want to do what's best for her. Am I being an over protective parent or do I have every right to keep her from him and for how long. I would do supervised visits but he is verbally abusive to me around her and I don't want her to see that. She refuses to set up supervised visits through foc which is what I recommended.

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Lacye - posted on 10/07/2012

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If you have already done all of this, then it's him that needs to step up. It's all on him now. You have done everything that you can and now it's time for him to put in the work as well.

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Becca - posted on 10/08/2012

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We weren't married when I had her so I was granted full custody. The woman, we went long ago, said that it was totally up to me how much or little I want him to see her. He literally has no rights. So, he does not have to have supervised visits. He called me over the weekend. Drunk as a skunk telling me how he had moved out of state. He mumbled something about getting a lawyer and not knowing if he has any legals rights to her. He was there at the birth and signed the birth cert but he said he was wasted them and doesnt even remember. I really hope he can get himself together.



I don't even think it's necassary for him to get a lawyer. I mean, I want him to have a relationship with her I just don't know why he refuses to set up supervised visits. He says we should be able to work this out together with out the courts involved.



His parents also contacted me wanting to see her.

Dove - posted on 10/07/2012

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Does the court order granting you full custody say that he has to have supervised visits? What does it say in regards to visitation?



If he is supposed to set this up then you are right.... it is entirely on him whether or not he DOES it.

Becca - posted on 10/07/2012

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I have full legal custody, so it's kind of up to me on allowing him to see her. Which I too, think is really important. Can't he contact foc to set up supervised visits? I've filled out and sent in the paperwork for child support so I imagine it will happen soon. He refuses to set up supervised visits. He doesn't want deal with foc. Should I do this for him? I kind of feel like if he cares he should do it.....

Lacye - posted on 10/06/2012

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Your daughter needs to see her father. He can try to make you look like the bad guy all he wants, but if she's only 3, she can't make that kind of decision. Have you taken him to court and had custody and visitation established? You need to do that and bring up his drug abuse. That might be the best way to get him to have supervised visitation. I'm a firm believer that the father should be in a child's life. Unless he is abusive towards her, I say let him see her. After all, she is his child.

Dove - posted on 10/06/2012

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Supervised visits are the best way to go... and you DON'T have to be the supervisor. The court can appoint a supervisor for the visits. Talk to a lawyer about your concerns and bring in as much documentation of his history/drug use as you can. You should go to court to have child support and visitations set up legally. Good luck!

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