Ariana - posted on 10/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
I got pregnant with someone about 7 years older than me when I was 17. He has 2 other children that he acknowledges (older than mine). I told him I was pregnant and he basically came at me that he didn't even know if it was his (typical deflective answer, completely unjustified) and stopped talking to me. My family did not want him involved so I never did anything and at the time secretly hoped he would willingly become involved once the baby was born.
I was pretty immature at the time, thought he was a great guy. Sometimes he was great but in reality he is kind of a loser. He used to do hard drugs and when we knew each other he was pretty much drunk or high (off marijuana not hard drugs) every night. He has bipolar and I'm pretty sure ADHD or something. He's very intelligent (IQ wise), can read faster than anyone I know. He can be very sweet/funny nice.
Of course he also loses his temper easily, drinks/smokes weed, blames everyone but himself for his problems. Lies right to your face, twists facts, throws pity parties for himself. Is selfish. He's great to your face and stabs you in the back.
I accidently saw him (I still talk to his parents and one sibling) and he got all 'oh that's my kid'. I ended up talking to him about three times with him saying he wanted to see my son, and I let him see him twice thinking he was interested. It turns out that he was talking to me every time he broke up with his at the time girlfriend (mother of first child). I think he did it to make her jealous and take him back. I got less and less trusting of him every time I talked to him (like first time totally thought he was genuine, so dumb). I guess I've had to mature from who I was before and I don't just fall for every line he drops. The last time I told him I was done, I'm not going to play this back and forth with my son. He's getting older and I'm not going to have him see some man saying he's his dad and then claiming he's not, it's not fair to him.
His biodad tried to talk to me and I blocked him off facebook and ignored his emails (I don't use my old email anyways). He said he wanted to talk seriously but I can never trust him.
I feel bad for my son, I want him to know a father but I don't really want him to know HIS father. His dad is manipulative and can be kind of crazy. I don't want this man being the most important role model in my childs life. I like not having to worry about living close enough to his biodad and running every decision by someone else. On the other hand my child is growing up without a dad, without ever knowing him even though I do.
I know there are situations where people who give their child up for adoption can see their kids a couple times a year. Maybe if he agreed to terminate his rights I could let my son see him 3 or 4 times a year supervised by me or his parents. If he terminated his rights could he change his mind later and go for custody or weekends or something? Once you terminate your rights isn't that final? Or can he backtrack?
I don't want child support and I don't want him to be fully involved, I just want me son to know where he comes from and possibly be able to meet his two half-brothers. I don't want to have him see his biodad all the time though because he's such a sweet boy and I don't want him to be influenced into acting like that.