Father trying to come back into my daughters life after 15 years of not being around.

User - posted on 10/24/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




My daughter is now 15 years old and hasn't seen or heard from her father since she was about a year old. He has also never really paid child support or medical expenses like he is ordered to do. When her father and I were together, he cheated on me, never kept a job, we had to live with family, he lied about everything, and he was both mentally and slightly physically abusive to me. I wanted him to be a part of my daughter's life, but he chose to never be around, and to be honest I was ok with it because I was afraid that he would eventually treat her the same way that he treated me. However, my daughter has always been curious about her father, so recently she went searching for him and was able to contact him on Facebook. They have been talking through messages for a few days now, and I have been reading the messages, and can already see the lies in his messages, and he has taken partial blame for not being around, but is also putting the blame on me. My daughter is now very confused, but still wants to give him a chance. I am having a really hard time even allowing her to talk to him, but feel that she is old enough to make the decision herself. I guess my question is, how far should I let their relationship go, he has been asking to see her and let her meet his family, but as of right now she has told him no, but I know at some point she will want to.


View replies by

Jodi - posted on 10/24/2014




I agree with Dove. She is 15 and this is her choice. What he was like when you were with him is irrelevant. It's been 14 years. He may have changed, you don't know him any more. Instead of being upset over it, be supportive and let her make up her own mind about him.

Dove - posted on 10/24/2014




She's 15. Let her make that choice w/ guidance from you. If you feel something is not a good idea... let her know and why.. but let her make the decisions. Perhaps if she DOES want to meet him she would be more comfortable doing it in a public place with an adult friend along for support.

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