Father wants full custody

Lisa - posted on 07/30/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I currently have a 10 month old and is 3 months pregnant by the same father. I recently just left him about a month ago from a abusive (physically and mentally ) we tried couples counceling and individual and it just didn't work. The day I left we got into a huge fight so I packed up my kids and I and left to my aunts for a few days. After about 5 days I return home to my electric being turned off and him ending the lease where I had to leave my home! I ended up at my aunts house where I stay now. He called child services on me saying his concerned about the kids well being. He also told them I'm MENTALLY ILL, I DON'T HAVE PATIENCE TO DEAL WITH 3 KIDS, I'M ABUSIVE, I LEAVE MY MONTH OLD BABY IN A FILLED BATH TUB, ECT. The lady told me to had to investigate but to not worry. I have token counceling before for depression BEFORE I HAD KIDS. The last session was at the age of 18. I NEVER hit my kids or neglect them. My children are up to date with all shots, never had bruising or broken bones, clean clothes always fed. Their doctor never had any complaints about the kids. I do get overwhelmed with a 3 year old and 10 month old but I always call him and remove myself from any stressful situation. So he tells his lawyer I can handle the kids and also WANTS FULL CUSTODY OF MY UNBORN once it's born. My question is can he get full custody by saying I'm mentally ill and don't have patience for my kids when I have daycare letters, doctor records, family/friend letters and full support from my family that the information he is giving is false?

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Vicki - posted on 07/30/2016

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Sounds like a situation that my daughter has dealt with:/
You are strong bc you need to fight for your children. He is not nice and thankful you are away from him. With his abusive track record he needs an evaluation....
Stay strong don't ever second doubt yourself. You are the mother of those little ones who need you so get strong and fight with every ounce of energy you have. He has done much to hurt his relationship with his children and you don't have to worry about it. Anyone that would mentally and physically abuse their partner isn't worth your energy. Also having your power turned off makes him look like someone who has interrupted your living quarters. He will go down and should! Praying for you and you will be fine🙏

Michelle - posted on 07/30/2016

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I agree with the other ladies.
You won't lose custody just based on what he says. They will investigate his claims and will most likely find them false.
You are doing all the right things so don't stress too much. Think of your baby and know that you are in the right. Abusive people don't like not being in control and because you left he is pissed off that it wasn't on his terms. He will do all he can to make life miserable for you but he will be caught out with his lies and that won't go in his favour at all.
Stay strong.

Lisa - posted on 07/30/2016

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We never went to court so as far as I know court never ordered it. I do also feel like I am too emotional and fragile and even more now that I'm 16 weeks pregnant. I already signed up for counceling. I never had a problem with me going out for help to make me a better person and mother. Thank you for talking with me Dove. I appreciate it. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family also. Hurts that things have to be this way.

Dove - posted on 07/30/2016

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Did the court order the mediation? Some courts will... some won't. I was initially going to go to mediation (not court ordered), but then I refused cuz my ex is a liar and a bully and I knew I was too emotionally fragile to handle it.

Hang in there and good luck!! If you are not in consistent counseling... please consider it. 1) it will give you more 'ammunition' that you are emotionally stable enough to care for your kids and 2)... counseling is a GREAT form of support... especially coming out of an abusive environment. ♥

Lisa - posted on 07/30/2016

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Dove that's exactly my thought. I do not feel like this mediation will work out because even now we will talk and it's nothing but his mind set saying I need mental help and my kids aren't safe with me. I did go to a mental evaluation and I have a written letter saying I do not have any mental issues and don't need any medication. I hope that letter will do me good. And to be honest me and him can never have a civil conversation because it's always pointing fingures and never listening and understanding. I would much rather just go to court but I guess I have to do step by step.

Dove - posted on 07/30/2016

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Mediation is typically the first step before court. You go to mediation, work out an agreement, and then it is signed off on by a judge (so is legaly binding). If you go to mediation and can not come to an agreement... then everything is done in court and is fully decided by a judge. From what you have said it does not 'sound' like mediation will be successful since he is trying to take the kids away from you, but it is worth trying first. You do NOT have to agree w/ anything you are uncomfortable with in mediation. You absolutely can decide to leave it up to a judge if he is trying to bully you into anything.

Lisa - posted on 07/30/2016

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I do not want to keep my children from their father. I just want to go figure out visitation rigets and move forward with my life with my children. We are going to a Mediation. Really don't know how it works since he's trying to take custody. I don't know if I feel safe with my kids online being held by "he said or she said" by a mediator and if it's better for me to go to court

Sarah - posted on 07/30/2016

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No, he will not be able to get full custody of the children simply based on his own testimony. For you to lose your rights to the kids you'd have to be proven unfit. Being treated for depression does not affect your parenting necessarily. Million of mothers and fathers have mental health issues and are able to manage raising their kids just fine. Conversely, you will not be able to keep him from parenting either; unless you have plenty of evidence to prove he is unfit. The two of you are going to have figure out a way to co-parent these kids. Maybe a court ordered mediator can help you reach an agreement?

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