fathers rights

Candice Marie - posted on 08/11/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

2

0

1

My son father wouldn't sign his birth certificate but I gave him his last name but my son is one and has been with me since he was born his dad has bought a few packs of diapers and wpes some clothes and shoes and would come see hiim at my house and now a year later he wants joint custody and I don't feel my son would be safe at his house alot of people he is friends with are involved in drugs can he get any kind of custody of my son

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

13,264

21

2015

This is what irritates me as well. My husband was a victim of a person such as this, claiming that he didn't take an interest in his daughter, when, in fact, he was not allowed by this childish woman to make any attempt at contact. He, being young at the time, did not realize he HAD rights and also had the right to pursue those rights, so she got away with it.
I am a HUGE advocate of father's rights, simply for that reason: A child is NOT a possession, and having that child in your home DOES NOT give you sole authority to determine the father's access. We are speaking of a human being, not a pet. Ownership of a human being is slavery and that is illegal.
Ladies, however young you may be, STOP making this assumption. YOU DO NOT OWN THAT BABY. The person that you slept with (You know...the one you think is scum now...)was good enough for you to have sex with them, so grow up

Brittany - posted on 08/12/2015

10

0

3

Definitely go to court. I am a single parent and got my daughter and myself away from what was rapidly becoming a dangerous situation with her father. While I completely agree that children are not possessions, the safety of the child has to come first. In my case, I was given a protection order to keep my ex away from both of us, and after mediation, I agreed that he could have supervised visits. While I was still very nervous about her spending time with him, I believed that it was in the best interest of our daughter to know both of her parents and that the supervisor could keep her safe. He did see her a few times, but now it has been months since he has bothered.

It is really hard to put the anger and resentment aside and see the situation clearly. But if you have any genuine concerns for your child's safety, you need to voice those and advocate for your child.

9 Comments

View replies by

Sarah - posted on 08/12/2015

9,024

0

22

To this Brittany, I get your pain and fear for your child. You did the right thing. i do think father who want and are able to parent should not be policed by the mothers who rsent them. There has to be a better way!

Sarah - posted on 08/11/2015

9,024

0

22

I have seen the analogy of treating kids like pets, that they are property rather than a human being. I feel fortunate to not have had to deal with absentee mother or father in my life, but I still find myself insanely frustrated when a young mom posts that unless he does a,b,c "I will not allow him to see the baby". No parent should have to bargain/barter to see their child. Sadly it seems that many fathers believe that the mother has the right to determine his worthiness to parent. If he is not worthy of parenting, don't make a baby with him!

OK, bit of a tangent.....Thanks

Raye - posted on 08/11/2015

3,761

0

21

Sarah, I'd like to take credit, but I've seen others on here use that analogy. I can't remember who, to give them their props, but it is a powerful concept.

There are a lot of young (especially first-time, unwedded) moms on here that have that idea that they will only let the father see the kid if certain criteria are met... IF he buys diapers, or IF he shows up between the hours of 2-4pm when she never called him to let him know he COULD show up at that time. Like if he didn't magically have the idea pop in his head without any effort from her, then he's not worthy. It takes communication, not excuses, not blame. And it takes the mother realizing that the child is not property to be held over someone's head as a reward for meeting demands. The child was made from TWO parents and that the child is better off having the opportunity to form a relationship with BOTH, even if one is an asshole.

My dad is a worthless piece of crap, but I'm glad I know him. My mom did not have to bad-mouth him to prove the point to me. She didn't have to restrict his access to me to "save" me from him. I learned exactly the type of person he is... and he's not a good guy. I'm better off knowing first hand, because now I can make educated decisions about how much influence I let him have on my life. Am I screwed up because of it? Maybe a little (who's not screwed up a little?), but who's to say I wouldn't be screwed up worse or differently had I not had him in my life? I have learned not to be like him. That's a good thing.

There's always a connection with your biological family, even if you're kept from them. I have only met my half-brother once, but I love him because he's family and I miss him. My dad is still my daddy... flaws and all. And I have love and respect for my mom because of all she went through to raise me. The mother can teach the child to be strong and deal with the disappointment and heartbreak of a bad dad, and the child can be a better person because of it. But I guess some women aren't strong enough to put their negative feelings aside and do right by their kids.

Sarah - posted on 08/11/2015

9,024

0

22

Raye, I like the way you phrased the sentiment so many mothers seem to believe;
That if he isn't paying support, I won't allow him to see his child. Like the child is for rent. Well said.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

13,264

21

2015

He, at very least, has the right to visitation. Go to court.

Dove - posted on 08/11/2015

11,762

0

1349

Get a lawyer and let them know of your evidence of the drug use envioronment. If the drug users are not living in the home and you don't have solid evidence against the father directly (having scummy friends isn't exactly solid evidence)... it is highly likely that he will get some sort of custody and, at the very least, he WILL get visitation.

Raye - posted on 08/11/2015

3,761

0

21

If you have any evidence that the home life at the father's house causes a danger to the child, then present that to the court. But you have to have evidence, and the judge would have to find that the evidence proves a danger to the child. The father will most likely get some visitation and could get partial custody. The child is biologically his child, too. So he should be allowed to form a relationship with the child.

If you needed financial help for the baby supplies, then you should have filed for child support (and still can). A baby is not something that you can rent out to the father only when he buys something for the child. It doesn't work that way. Child support is completely separate legally (and morally) from custody and visitation.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms