fear of having a second child

Christina - posted on 10/18/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )




heres the story.

my husband and i had to go through 2 years of fertility treatments to get our daughter who will be 4 months old next week. and we almost didn't get her. all treatments had failed. we even thought the last one did because the test came back negative. and our dr. told us he was running out of ideas, and we were out of money and he told us to be ready to never be able to have our own bio children. then 3 weeks later we found out the last round had worked, it just wasn't strong enough to show up on the last test, but was clear as a bell on the new test. and now we have our daughter

we gave up everything to get her. we spent all our money and savings. we put off buying a house to use that money and our wedding only cost around $600. because we used it all on fertility treatments.
now we have no regrets we got our daughter and we do not regret a thing.
now my dr. suggested that since i have healed very well from labour and my body is actully working better then before pregcancy, he suggests that if we want to try for a second natuarlly before my body might need the treatments again, this is our window of chance.
hubby is all for it. and so am i.
but my fear is if it works and i become pregnant more easily, i won't love the second child as much as our first because we went through so much to get her.
i know it is stupid to think that way, but it feels as if our first will always hold that special place because we were so close to not getting her. and i belive all children in a family should be seen as equal. i would never show the favortism, but it scares me more if i even though of them as different.

help please, i am so confused on this.
ps. i really do want a second, this just came into my head lately and i just dont know how to feel about it.


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[deleted account]

I feel the same way, because I suffered miscarriages and then breast cancer at age 33. After treatment, I was told pregnancy was too dangerous for me and that I had to wait a year to try again. All I heard was the clock ticking. I was sure I would have to seek fertility treatments, but I felt pretty negative about it because I heard the successful rate after age 37/38 was very low.

Finally I had my son (naturally, which seemed like a miracle to me), and now I often have weird thoughts like how a second child would just be "stealing" love away from him. He is so precious to me.

But once your second child is in your arms, I'm sure you won't have these irrational thoughts!

I feel we are too old to have a second one, and I fear birth defects/more miscarriages. If you still have a chance to have more, take it. I regret not starting younger when I was healthier.

[deleted account]

Try for another one, especially if you and your husband are in agreement. It is natural to think you will love one more than another given what you have been through but trust me you will love your second one just as much as your first and your second will be just as special. My husband and I were in a similar situation. We had faced the fact that we weren’t going to be able to have bio children after several years of trying everything we could to get pregnant and then we managed to get pregnant with our first baby and then we followed that up with baby number two. They are both my miracle babies after thinking I would never be able to have any. One thing I will say, is you will enjoy the second pregnancy, at least for me, with my first pregnancy I was so careful, so afraid that I would do something to lose the baby and with the second I was so much more relaxed. I enjoyed it so much that now I am trying to talk my husband into baby number three! I wish you and your husband the best of luck.

Constance - posted on 10/18/2011




You will love both children just the same. No matter how they are conceived. You might find youself relieved if you conceive naturally. Good luck and I am sending you some of my fertility. Don't worry you will love them all the same amount.

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